Burning Man... and so it begins

Although we've been planning this for some time now, it really hasn't hit me that we are actually going to go to Burning Man this August until today. Perhaps that is due to the uncertainty over how we would handle Ethan's care during that time; I kept a fairly large doubt in the back of my mind that we would even be able to get something nailed down in time, and considered the option of trying to sell our tickets if nothing came through. But like I noticed earlier, we have some wonderful friends out there. When I mentioned that we needed help, BOOM! They jumped at the chance. I actually had more offers than I could use, believe it or not! At this point, he will be staying with friends up north for the first half of the trip, then with a friend here in town for the second half of the trip. If I don't go crazy from missing him, I will be surprized. This will be the first time we've been away from him for more than 12 hours... and it will be TEN DAYS!!! Ugh. I can't really spend too much time thinking about it, or I'll convince myself not to go.

This Saturday, we'll be heading out to San Francisco for the Burning Man season opener Prepare for the Playa. They'll be having workshops about how to have a great Burn experience, fashion shows with tons of fur, LED costumes, steampunk, etc., and lots more. I can't wait! After meeting with our new camp-mates earlier this week, I've really started to feel the adrenalin pumping about this trip... pictures will be posted, never fear, with identities blurred to save the not-so-innocent.

Hostess With the Mostest

Today I was lucky enough to travel with my mother, my sister, my niece, and my son to go visit family in Fresno. I say "lucky" not only because the company was great, but because my aunt is one of the best hostesses I know. She's amazing! She always has more than enough food for everyone, and it's always delicious. She has a mix of company varied enough that there is always movement, conversation, snippets of laughter, and interesting discussions going on in various parts of the house. And the best part of it all is that there is always a sense of love and warmth at her parties. It just feels so inviting and comfortable to spend time with her; it is the aura that I would think every hostess would strive for when having guests over. It's my goal to be like that, too, instead of what I usually am-- stressing over some minutiae that hardly matter, or worrying that there isn't enough fill-in-the-blank (beverage, food, seating, guests, etc. ad nauseum).

I'm thinking about starting up a mom's group in my city. There don't seem to be many options for those of us who stay at home but don't want to join one of those "Buy my product!" groups, where they get together ostensibly for fun but really to try to sell their energy bars or vitamins or whatever. I'd also *love* to get a ladies' game night going, one where we could play Mah Jongg or May I? or Scrabble, eat some cute finger foods, and maybe have a mojito or two. Maybe the reason why I'm taking so long to get either one of those going is because I'm too self-conscious about my hosting skills... I need some training, stat!

Friends

A close friend just reminded me that, when you need something, a true friend won't have to be asked-- they offer their help and support, because that's what friends do for each other. It really hit me somewhere vulnerable, somewhere my feelings and fears are hidden, somewhere I try to pretend I don't need other people and I am as independent as they come. It was as if someone just reached out and took the heavy grocery bag out of my hands, or started doing the sink full of dishes after a dinner party, or picked up the baby before I could even get to him when he started crying. It was a sort of unspoken willingness to be there and be a "partner in crime" that really got to me; it's what I've been lucky enough to have very few times in my life, and now I've got two amazing women in my life who are happy to be that kind of friend.

It's not so much that I didn't know that friends do those sorts of things; it's more that it is very easy to forget, and I need to be reminded every so often. It is so difficult for me to ask for help in the first place. It's like I have this driving need to appear completely capable and self-reliant at all times. Well, guess what? It's not so easy once you have a child around who is completely relying on you to be there for him 24 hours a day. Sometimes, you need a break, or some help, or a babysitter, or more than that-- sometimes (as is the case with Burning Man) you need an entire network of supporters who can tag team each other in and out of the babysitting ring, and god willing you have some loving, supportive, trustworthy people out there you can rely on for this most precious, special gig. And guess what? I do. Thank you to each of them for being that most cherished of people-- a friend.

Freezer Meals

My favorite book for the past couple of weeks:
Don't Panic - Dinner's in the Freezer: Great-Tasting Meals You Can Make Ahead I don't typically use cookbooks, as I'm usually on allrecipes.com instead, but this one really works for me. The author gives recipes that work beautifully for freezing in bulk and either reheating and serving, or doing just a little bit of prep and cooking on the day you serve it.

Some of the recipes I'll be using for camping (ahem, Burning Man) because they are simply reheated on the day you serve them include:
* Meatballs
* Cottage Pie
* French Steak
* Rocky Mountain Beef Brisket with Barbecue Sauce
Can you tell I'm having a red meat fixation right now? YUM!

The book is very easy to read and the instructions are clear and simple. She gives you the original recipe (6-10 servings), then what the proportions would be if it was x2, x4, or x6. I'm finding it comes in handy to buy meat or veggies in bulk when they go on sale, because then I can chop, prep, and put them into a meal rather than just freeze them uncooked in multiple packages, putting off the preparation until later. It has also been allowing me to have more time with my family at night, instead of being stuck in the kitchen, because all I have to do is defrost and reheat most of the meals. And they're still delicious! Anyway, *love* the book.

Family Traditions: Weekly and Monthly Rituals

More thoughts inspired by reading The Book of New Family Traditions: How to Create Great Rituals for Holidays & Everydays
I'd like to start some regular family traditions that have nothing to do with holidays or birthdays. I am really drawn to the idea of holding weekly family meetings, where we can go over our upcoming appointments and other calendar issues, talk about problems/challenges and brainstorm solutions, make long-term plans, and celebrate good things that happened that week. It would really go far to helping teach kids about communication, conflict resolution, goal-setting, and besides all that would be a great place to keep connected no matter how busy we get over the years.

I also like the idea of hosting a monthly pot-luck/BBQ/pizza party where we invite a different family each time... eventually, as the kids get older, they could be in charge of the menu, invitations, hosting duties, etc. What a fun way to teach responsibility, and how to deal with entertaining guests, and so much more.

A special father-focused ritual that the author of the book discussed was about dad spending time with one child, alone, at a specific time each month or week. One dad made time each week for "dates with dad" where his son chose the activity (bowling, going to the hobby store, riding bikes together). Another dad had "Full Moon Walks" with each child when they turned 10 years old; he would take them out once a month during the full moon, and they would head out to a more forested area and just walk and talk and hang out at night, just the child and their father. How special is that! Now I just have to convince Joel...

Family Traditions: Coming of Age

I really, really, really want to incorporate some coming-of-age rituals for our kid(s). There are several that I've read about for girls; some get a new ring (possibly a ruby, for the red connection) to celebration the onset of adulthood, some get to meet with a circle of women from the extended family/friends who share about womanhood and give advice and support; some get a new book about body changes and a special dinner. One that I read about and loved involved taking the girl to the beach at night. They set up a circle of sparklers, and the girl walked into the center of the circle. A woman would get up and join her in the circle, and speak about what the girl meant to her, what she was like as a girl and what she hoped for her as a woman, and so on. It sounded so special and spiritual and very sweet; I'm wondering about setting one up like that for my favorite niece in the world...

For boys, there are other suggestions for honoring their transition into adolescence and adulthood. In one family, the weekend that a son turned 13, he would go on a long camping trip alone with his dad. Along the way, they would read and talk about manhood rituals, engage in a physical challenge (kayak, etc.), and so on. I like that a bit, but I actually prefer ones I've read about where a group of boys went with their dads for this trip; at a bonfire, the fathers would stand and talk about why they were proud of their son, what manhood meant to them, and what they hoped for the future. It seems more like the sparkler ceremony that the girls have... I like the incorporation of fire, and the idea of involving other boys and their dads. I also like the idea of getting other men in his life together to pledge their support for him as he enters adolescence. He needs adult male mentors around him as he grows; that'll be a challenge for us, as we live near so few of Joel's male friends.

For both girls and boys, I think they need a special day where they sit down and talk with mom and dad about the body, sex, hormones, love, etc.-- "The Talk"-- and I think that it needs to happen before age 13, when it's already been discussed by classmates and seen all over TV and the internet. I think we'll plan it for age 10 or age 11... get 'em early!

Family Traditions: Thanksgiving

Growing up, Thanksgiving was full of ritual-- the same foods every year, pretty much, the table set with the nicest dishes (usually china), and the family wearing our best clothes. We also had guests over many times, which was nice because it kept everyone on their best behavior. (Usually.) As a kid, I remember loving Thanksgiving the most out of every holiday, even birthdays; or maybe that's because my birthday was right around Thanksgiving, and every few years fell right on it. Either way, I loved the smell of the food cooking, the bustling around the kitchen, the chatter of guests and the dressing up and using our "special" dishes and table settings... We had turkey, stuffing, jellied cranberry sauce, olives (for the fingertips, of course), corn, mashed potatoes with my mom's famous gravy, dinner rolls, candied sweet potatoes-- the kind with the marshmallow topping-- and of course, dessert. We had pumpkin pie, mincemeat pie, and sometimes apple pie. It was a crazy huge feast, and we would have leftovers for days, which was probably the best part of the meal. :)

For our family, I think I'd like to keep the formality of Thanksgiving dinner, but change up the meal a bit every year. Maybe we can keep the turkey the same, but I really have this driving need to have different dishes each Thanksgiving. For instance, I can't stand pumpkin pie-- but I love pumpkin cheesecake and other pumpkin-related dishes. The last few years, I've made pumpkin cheesecake in a gingerbread crust, pumpkin squares, pumpkin cake, and so on. I think I'll keep that tradition going; a new pumpkin-related dessert every year. Or maybe not even pumpkin-related; I'm getting all crazy in here! I also like to try new stuffings every year, and make homemade cranberry sauce-- it's more of a chutney, actually-- and I think I'll stick with that as well. I did find this unbelievably delicious green bean dish that is to die for, and I think that might be a staple for the next several years... is that how this tradition thing gets started?

I'd also like to add some meaningful rituals to our Thanksgiving, to really get the most out of the special day. There were two great ideas in the book. One was the "Thankful Box": Make a cardboard box with a slit in it the week before Thanksgiving; everyone writes down things they're thankful for, then people take turns reading them aloud during the feast. Another idea was "Thank-You Notes": The week before, have everyone write a note or two for special people who won't be joining you for dinner (anyone from Coach to Grandma); at Thanksgiving, have everyone say a few words about who they thanked, and why. I think it's really important that our family remembers to have gratitude and to practice showing it and telling each other how thankful we are for each other. And besides, it feels good-- to hear it, and to say it.

Family Traditions: Christmas

I've been really thinking a lot about which family traditions I loved as a child and want to keep for my family, and which new ones I want to make a part of our future with Ethan and whoever else becomes a part of the Joel & Melanie clan. I want to make sure we have certain things that we do every year at the same time to honor and recognize special events, and that we can start doing daily or monthly rituals as well. I know that rituals are important: they help us make memories and connect to our family; they help us get through tough times and help generate a feeling of stability and security; they help us know ourselves better and build a sense of personal and family identity; and they can be silly, special, or sacred depending on the day. And I want them for my family!

Many of the rituals I remember from childhood are connected to holidays. At Christmas, for instance, we had several rituals we went through every year, or else it just wasn't Christmas. First, we lived in a desert and had an artificial tree. It was important to be able to have all of us put the tree parts together; green with green, red with red, and so on. And then we would decorate with all of our old, familiar ornaments, telling stories sometimes when we found our favorites. Then, on Christmas Eve, we would get to open one gift each, and all of the kids would go sleep in the same room. In the early morning when we awoke, we would find full stockings outside the bedroom door. Inside were gum, oranges, small toys, tiny books, snacks or chocolates, and other little gifts, just enough to keep us busy for another hour or two until my parents were ready to wake up and come downstairs. Once they were ready, we were allowed to go downstairs, where suddenly all of these presents appeared under the tree. One person usually ended up the designated "Santa" and brought people's gifts to them. After the flurry of opening presents, we would start preparing for our breakfast/brunch feast.

One thing I didn't like about Christmas was how blase we were about our multitude of gifts. We took so much for granted! In the book I'm reading, one family gives each child only three gifts, because that is how many baby Jesus got in the Bible. Interesting idea... they also make it a treasure hunt, with clues leading to more clues which lead eventually to the hiding place of the gift(s). I like that idea-- but for birthdays, not Christmas. I also liked the idea of getting everyone a new set of pajamas each Christmas. At least then they look good in the photos, right?

This is the book I have been reading:

Primo: The Beginning, Part 1

So, the beginning... the start of it all... the first post on my blog. What to say? How do I grab your attention and keep it for at least the next few minutes? With promises of witty and entertaining banter, or a deep discussion of life's quandaries? Oh, the dilemma... but not really. This isn't meant to be an award-winning, groundbreaking blog that uncovers the mysteries of life. It's just me, talking to you, about stuff that's important to me and that I think you might find interesting or amusing or at least a better waste of time than whatever project you were just working on so intently. So put up your feet, relax, and have a good time!

I don't have much of that right now-- time, that is-- as my son Ethan is sitting on my lap and trying with every ounce of his being to reach the keyboard. Looks like this is going to be a nap-time and late-night project for me. Along with my Burning Man costumes, scrapbooking, and photo archiving. Oh, and DVD creation. But that's just *this* month. ;)

Cubist Food

Ethan LOVES to eat! Maybe not three times a day, but definitely mid-day he loves his baby food. So far, we've had great luck with the bananas, applesauce, sweet potatoes, carrots, and even peas and summer veggies. Soon, I'll be able to start making my own baby food and keeping it in the 2 oz. baby cubes in the freezer. I can't wait! Oh, and to save money-- you know, because I'll be out of a job starting this month-- I'm also planning on using cloth diapers at home (disposable when we're out on a trip). That should save some serious cash... even if it is a bit yuckier!

Daddy Props

Today, I helped my mom with her yard sale, and Joel took care of Ethan for the morning. He's really such a great dad; he loves spending time with Ethan, and Ethan is constantly looking around for his daddy. He's enthralled by Joel's face, not that I'm surprised... it seems like everywhere we go, babies and little ones are always staring at him and smiling. It is one of the things that made me love him even more, actually; that these innocent creatures, so fresh and new in this world, could recognize that he is a good man and want to be near him was actually enchanting... what a cool way to find out someone is worth keeping around! ;)

Anyway, Joel loves being a dad. Yeah, sometimes it's a little frustrating, just like it is for me, but in general he enjoys the time they spend together. He seems to be so much more comfortable with Ethan now that he's interacting so much with us and with the world around him. One thing I also like about Joel is that he doesn't question or criticize me about my parenting skills or choices about Ethan. I need to learn this invaluable skill from him, because for some reason I keep looking over his shoulder and telling him what to do; talk about micromanaging, sheesh! That's a great way to make him unenthusiastic about taking care of the baby; I've really got to put a clamp on my tendencies to "supervise" when the baby is involved.

Two teeth, or not two teeth.... that is the question.

This week, Ethan's second tooth cut through, right next to his first one. He has been having such a rough time with this teething. Pobrecito! He's really excited about his pacificer now, as a chew toy, but prefers fingers if possible. Not that we want him in the habit of chewing on people to relieve his discomfort, but... you gotta do what you gotta do.

He also just started really, really, *really* getting how to roll over. He's done it by himself so many times now; we set him down on his back, turn around for a few seconds, turn back, and presto! He's on his tummy, arching his back and thrusting his legs up into the air. He even rolls consecutively, like he's trying to get across the room via rolling. Pretty cool! I guess it's time to babyproof the house, hmm?

Oh, and he's becoming much more skilled at using his hands and fingers to manipulate objects, pull things in towards his mouth, and play with toys. A couple of days ago, he was in the car, sitting in his carseat, and I reached in to give him his pacifier. He spit it out twice, so I just left it sitting on his lap and went around to drive over to a friend's house. He was so quiet on the way there that I thought he had fallen asleep. When I arrived, I went in to pick up his carseat and saw that he was still awake-- and had the pacifier in his mouth! Which means, of course, that he figured out how to pick it up, pull it to his mouth, and put it in the right way. All without accidentally dragging it back out (like he does sometimes) because his fingers get caught in the ring and he just yanks them back. Yay, Ethan! He's really figuring it out. He also tries to hold his bottle now, and tries to hold the spoon when I feed him his rice cereal.

Speaking of feeding, I can't WAIT until I can start making his food at home, rather than getting baby food from the store. It's great for convenience and travel and everything, but just like for me & Joel, I'm going to try to stick to home-made food as much as possible. Better for all of us, and especially since I'll be at home full-time.

Oh, did I forget to mention? I got my pink slip on Friday May 15th, so it looks like I'll be a stay-at-home mom until I find another job. I'd sooo much rather just be home with the baby and take care of our family, but it really depends on how things work out financially. Keep your fingers crossed. (Or we might be calling *you* and asking to move into your garage!)

Toof

Ethan's first tooth finally broke through his gums this weekend. And man-oh-boise, is it sharp! I read that for most babies, their teeth come in the same way, in order; bottom central incisors, top central incisors, and then out from there radiating towards the molars. For Ethan, his bottom teeth have been very visible in his gums for about a month now. It looks like the entire outline of his tooth underneath the surface of his gums, slightly swollen and red. Now that one tooth on the bottom is poking through, he is doing even more chewing and gnawing than usual-- and it feels like there might be some other teeth on top that are just about ready to cut through as well. Poor thing; it must be so uncomfortable! Especially because he is still pretty picky about the temperature of what goes in his mouth. He still wants his formula very warm (almost hot!), although we are trying to get him used to slightly cooler temperatures bit by bit. And when I try to give him cooled teething rings, or a cloth dipped in water and then frozen or even just refrigerated, he spits it out immediately. His favorite self-soothing technique seems to be chewing on fingers, although that can lead to bad habits (like biting!) later on, so I'm hoping we can find some other option for him soon...

Anyway, it's pretty awesome that his first tooth is finally through... we're on our way!

First Mother's Day

Last year at this time, I invited my family over for a special brunch to celebrate my mom. We had baked french toast, scrumptious bacon, scrambled eggs, sausage, fresh juice, and much more. It was an awesome feast. After eating, we gathered to share gifts with my mom, and thank her for everything. My gift to her was a photo of an ultrasound picture, and a bib that said "I love Grandma"-- my way of announcing that I was six weeks pregnant. She cried, I cried, we videotaped it. It was a very special, emotional day.

This year, Mother's Day was a little bit different. I have waited for this day for a long, long time. And while it wasn't everything I was dreaming of, in terms of celebration or "special" time, it was good for my soul. In the morning, Joel & I dropped off the baby for grandparent-time and went over to grab more stuff from my parents' Las Flores house... we made a delicious lunch (stromboli & salad) and spent time just hanging out with grammy & papa... we shopped for some crucial baby gear (sunglasses, floppy hat, sunscreen)... and we went for a Baby Bjorn walk in the evening, just the three of us. All in all, it was a fairly quiet day. Nothing to differentiate it from any other Sunday lunch with the family, except one small, perfect, amazing change: This time, I'm a mom. And I always will be. And that one thing is enough to change everything, and make what could be a mundane event into something unforgettable. Happy Mother's Day, to me. :)

Friendship: Proof.

We're saved, for now. My dear friend Veena's daughter has agreed to watch Ethan during the day for us while she is on break from Modesto Junior College this month. When she starts back up again in June, we'll have to figure out how to work around her schedule until the 19th, but at least we have May taken care of... thank god! What a blessing. Not only is it one-on-one, but it's someone we know and care about and who will care for our son with all of her heart. And the great thing is, Regita will have some extra support there as well; she'll have her dad in the house until around lunch-time, and then her mom is home by around 3:00, so she has other people to help out when things get a little overwhelming. This is such a great help for us. Now I've got to figure out a way to say "thank you" properly... let the brainstorming begin!

The Universe decides it's time for a change...

Nina called this evening. She won't be able to take care of Ethan anymore... starting tomorrow (Monday). They want her on day shift instead of evenings. NOOOO!!!! We've really loved having him with Nina, and I'm totally dreading having to start looking for somewhere else. I can't even express how disappointed and upset I am about this. She was so great for us, and for Ethan; she really cared about him. And not only that, but we could actually afford to pay for care when he was with her. And then, add to that the fact that we got less than 24 hours notice that we wouldn't have daycare for the next day, and you have a less than stellar Sunday evening on your hands. Ugh to the nth degree.

After a lot of discussion about it, we finally decided that Joel will stay home with Ethan until we can figure something else out. I just don't think we can afford to pay for yet another daycare registration fee + the $250/week, and then still have to worry about what's happening while he's at the center all day long. It was so nice to have one-on-one daycare for him; it made it possible for me to actually go in to work without being in constant pain and completely distracted the whole time worrying about him. Now, what do we do? Lose all of Joel's income, I guess. It's just ridiculous. It's like someone doesn't want us to succeed, or something; once we start getting somewhere happy and safe and okay, everything goes haywire and we have to re-balance, adjust, and try to put the pieces back together. Can't things just work out, for once? Please?!??!

Premature balding

He's losing his hair! My son is going bald, at age 4.5 months. Sheesh, who knew it would kick in so early? :)

In other news, his neck is getting much stronger, he's starting to interact a whole lot more, and he's still sleeping through the night. Woo-hoo! He also (bum-bum-bum!) just started to eat rice cereal. And he loves it. For awhile now he has been staring at us while we ate, fixating on our mouths and the food and the whole process, and at his last doctor visit they said to go ahead and get him started on solids. He's really on his way now!

Growing

Ethan just had his 4-month well baby check-up and immunization appointment at Valley Oak Pediatrics, but this time Joel had take him. Ha ha! YOU are the one who has to listen to his cries of pain and discomfort, dad!! Anyway... the doctor said that Ethan is doing great, and is in fact at the top of the range for babies his age in both his height and weight. He is 25.5 inches long and 15 lbs, 10 oz. That means that in two weeks he gained half an inch and at least half a pound. Yowza! And let me tell ya, you can really start to feel the heavier weight when you carry that carseat around. I feel like my arm is going to fall off!

It is really neat to see him grow up, though. I love it! His expressions, his smiles, his obvious joy... even when he cries, it's cute! Well, that is, it's cute unless he is in actual pain, which is when it is less cute than scary and upsetting. Sometimes he just has an entire day of fussiness, and seems inconsolable. We put him down, he cries. We pick him up, he cries. We hold him, play with him, let him sleep, let him sit, and guess what? He cries. Ack!

Scratch that itch

We may have had a breakthrough... Ethan has slept through the past three nights without waking up to eat in the middle of the night. For the past two months or so he has been on a fairly regular schedule-- goes to sleep for the night between 7:30 and 8:30, wakes up to eat at around 2:30, and then sleeps again until around 6:00. That wasn't so bad-- only getting up once a night-- but sleeping all the way through is even better!

We're so excited about the way he is growing. We already have him in the 6-9 month clothing, because he's just too long for anything smaller. He's holding his head up well enough that we finally turned him around to sit in the Bjorn carrier facing frontwards, and he absolutely loved it. That way he can look around and check out the scenery while we walk, and he seems to really enjoy that. He's making "ah-goo" sounds, and razzberries, and likes to blow bubbles in his own drool... lovely. :) He has his on and off fussy periods, probably connected to the fact that his gums are sore and a bit swollen. Usually, though, he's a happy kid, and we're all having a great time with him.

He might have some excema on his right cheek. He rubs it bright red all the time, but it's also quite rough/chafed looking, and the R.N. we took him to thinks it might be excema. So we're starting him on some intensive moisturizers, and hopefully they start relieving the discomfort for him. He also keeps getting cradle cap, where the top of his scalp gets super-dry and flaky. I know it must be so uncomfortable and itchy, because he has started actually scratching his head-- and it's the cutest thing ever! Usually, when you scratch an itch, your fingers are pretty much closed, and you either move your whole arm (as if you're holding a back scratcher) or you just move your fingers together, side by side. Ethan, because he's still figuring out how his hands and fingers work, has his own way of doing things. He spreads his fingers out like a starfish, and then his scratch brings them together towards the middle of his palm. It's so adorable... sad that he feels itchy, but so cute to watch him reach up there and do this weird-looking scratching motion. Tee-hee! :)

And he's been doing so well with Nina. She has been a lifesaver for us; the only reason I can even go into work right now is because I know he is with her and she is taking such good care of him. She already loves him, and even tells me that she misses him when he's gone. I'm so lucky to find such a loving and caring woman to take care of my son while I'm working. What a blessing!

Four Months and Counting!

I took Ethan to a new doctor's office yesterday-- Valley Oak Pediatrics-- and loved it. They have 13 providers in the building, and are open every day of the year. They even have evening/urgent care hours from 5-7 Monday through Friday. How cool is that? His former pediatrician was open 8:30-12 and 1-4:00 Mon-Fri; not very flexible hours. And the real problem was that I just didn't feel any connection to his doctor *at all.* She seemed so cold, distant, uninterested in him or us, and that isn't what I wanted from my baby's doctor. I have friends whose children still want to go to their doctor even past their teenage years, because they have built such a close relationship with them-- that's the kind of connection I want for Ethan.

So, the results are in: Ethan is doing GREAT!! At four months old, he weighs in at 15 lbs. and measures 25 inches long. That means he has doubled his weight and gained half a foot in length since he was born. How awesome is that? For a baby who took sooo long to regain his birth weight, and who had such a difficult time learning how to eat, he has made amazing strides.

And I think that the time has come for a major step forward for me: I am finally ready to give up the charts and schedules, and just let things be. It's time for Ethan to just be a baby, and for me to just be a mom, and for both of us (all three of us, including Joel) to just enjoy this adventure for what it is. He's healthy, and happy, and progressing so well, that there is no reason to keep worrying about things so much. I threw away the schedules last night, and what a relief it was! I thought I would really feel anxious about not being able to track his food/diapers/sleeping, but no such thing. It was like a weight off of my shoulders to let go of that and just enjoy him instead of constantly watching what he's eating and making sure he finishes bottles and so on. Schedules were necessary in the beginning to make sure he was eating enough and not sleeping all the time (which is what he *wanted* to do), but they have served their purpose, and it's time to let them go. Hallelujah!