Disheartened.

I find it so difficult to deal with my husband's intimacy and other relationship issues. I'm not sure whether they stem from his childhood experiences with a father who abandoned his large family, or if it's just a special sort of self-centeredness and selfishness innate to the male gender, but JEEZ LOUISE it's frustrating as hell. I know that I've met other men who are very "into" their families or spouses or kids-- guys who are enthralled by their wives, who look forward to time alone with their child, who actually enjoy being in a family... and I wish that my husband was more like that. Why is it so hard for him to see me & Ethan as just as important as himself?

Take tonight, for instance... he comes home half an hour early from class. Does he think, "Oh, great! I get to see my son before he goes to sleep for once this week!" or even, "Well, Melanie takes care of Ethan every single day after work while I'm in school until after bedtime, so maybe tonight I could step in and take care of tooth-brushing or story time and put my son to bed..." Of course not. He actually told me tonight "I'm still on school time! This is my time to study." HELLO! As if I'm not in school full-time, too? As if I'm not working full-time, and also taking care of Ethan too??

Whatever. I'm just so bugged by the whole thing I can't talk about it.