Back to My Future

Never in a million years did I picture my life turning out the way it has. When I did imagine some hazy future, it varied between a couple of main themes. In the first type of dream, I would be living in a big city like New York or SF, running my own business (never sure what type) and walking to wherever I needed to go, just the quintessential independent woman with lots of stuff going on in her life-- travel, dinner parties, shopping with friends, coffee houses (or in my case, hot chocolate), and so on. For some reason, I always saw myself living in a sort of brownstone-style place, and would inevitably see myself walking down a tree-lined street, wearing heels and an awesome pea-coat, striding off toward whatever awesomeness awaited me. I never really pictured myself with a partner or spouse; it was just me, out pursuing my dreams and goals and being able to take advantage of all that the big city has to offer.

The other type of "future" dream saw me living a glammed up version of the life I have now-- in that scenario, I'm a younger mom, I actually have money (ha!), and I have two or three kids. It varies a little, but typically it focuses on these movie-style vignettes with me + babies, me + hubby + babies, or hubby + kids. I had a vague picture of an ideal husband who was a full partner, someone who would sing to the babies and teach them how to ride bikes and do funny voices during bath time, and all of that while still holding hands with me and surprising me with romantic cards or a spicy date of dancing and exploring the nightlife...

Those dreams, of course, were what floated around in my young mind while I tried to decide who I was going to be when I grew up. I never realized just how rare and magical it would be to achieve either one of them, or maybe I would have toned them down a bit to a more manageable size. Then again... are dreams supposed to be attainable, or something that keeps us reaching and striving, even when we know we may never reach the goal?