...I met my husband at a local bar in downtown Modesto. It was a Saturday night, June 11th, and the day before I had seen my junior high students walk the stage at graduation. It was the weekend, finally, and I was out having fun with my sister and my best friend, Julie. We sat at the bar, talking and laughing and telling crazy stories, just trying to forget the busy week we'd all just been through. Suddenly, a man walked up to us and pulled out the Schmooze card.
He was a pretty slick talker, to be sure, and had that confidence and swagger that many women find attractive-- until they realize that it's actually a mixture of braggadocio, machismo, and ego that tends to grate on the nerves after a very short time. I had him pegged within a few minutes; it wasn't my first trip around the block, after all.
But while we all bantered back and forth, I noticed a tall, fit-looking guy standing several feet away, almost as if he were waiting for something... or someone. I asked the first guy, Dave, "Is that your friend over there?" And he said, "Yeah, that's my buddy Joel." I took that first step, born partly of liquid courage and partly of curiosity, tinged with just a hint of something even deeper, stronger, and smiled at him, calling out, "Joel, come on over!"
And the rest, as they say, is history... or at least, a history that is still being told. :)
Showing posts with label Joel. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Joel. Show all posts
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
Friday, May 20, 2011
Re-Kindle...
Joel has been very sweet with me lately. I mentioned that I needed to get a watch because (a) I don't own one, and (b) I have to take minutes at meetings and don't want to bring out my cell phone to keep time, and guess what he did? Yep, he went out to get me a watch and chose this lovely Skagen women's watch for me. I know he has good taste, but even I was surprised at his choice; it was very classic, yet modern and stylish.
Then, yesterday evening he comes home and he has this crafty look on his face, while holding his hands behind his back. I said, "Please don't tell me you spent more money on me, Joel..." I know, I know-- how ungrateful of me! But it's so hard to accept gifts from him when we are struggling with money issues. It feels very irresponsible, even when I know that he earned "extra" (!) money through an outside contract job this week and the money spent isn't taking money away from paying our regular bills. Still... it's so hard to be gracious about it. I tried, though! Anyway, he whips out my latest gift-- a Kindle! He already downloaded some free books on there, like Sense and Sensibility and Emma, so now I can read wherever I am without lugging around a bunch of books. Can't wait to get started... and buy a cute cover/stand for it, too! I hope he understands that I love him even without the gifts, expensive or not. :)
Then, yesterday evening he comes home and he has this crafty look on his face, while holding his hands behind his back. I said, "Please don't tell me you spent more money on me, Joel..." I know, I know-- how ungrateful of me! But it's so hard to accept gifts from him when we are struggling with money issues. It feels very irresponsible, even when I know that he earned "extra" (!) money through an outside contract job this week and the money spent isn't taking money away from paying our regular bills. Still... it's so hard to be gracious about it. I tried, though! Anyway, he whips out my latest gift-- a Kindle! He already downloaded some free books on there, like Sense and Sensibility and Emma, so now I can read wherever I am without lugging around a bunch of books. Can't wait to get started... and buy a cute cover/stand for it, too! I hope he understands that I love him even without the gifts, expensive or not. :)
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
Isn't It Romantic
Romance... what a strange word to think about, really. It encompasses so many emotions and actions, and means such different things to each person that you can't really define it in a simple phrase. For my husband, romance is something similar to the image that the media has pushed on us for marketing purposes for our entire lives: Flowers, chocolate, a nice dinner, expensive gifts, jewelry, weekend trips, and so on. He can't seem to separate the idea of romance from a cost factor; if it doesn't cost a lot, it must not be romantic. To him, inexpensive flowers aren't romantic; a date night that involves coupons can't be romantic; and if for some reason you think that you don't need money to be romantic, you must be either a cheapskate or broke.
To me, on the other hand, romance involves far less money and far more attention to the needs of your partner, and consideration of their likes and dislikes. Romance for me would involve a situation where my husband wakes up in the middle of the night and tends to the baby so that I can sleep in, or gets up in the morning and makes breakfast for all of us so that I can get a break from the usual chore. It would be romantic if he left a note on my desk saying how much he loved me, or texted me a sweet little message out of the blue, or brought me home a bottle of my favorite wine so that we could share it later that evening. It doesn't take much, really, in my view; just a thoughtfulness and a sense of caring or affection that expresses itself in simple, everyday situations instead of grand gestures that take on a life of their own.
This week, for instance, Joel did something that I consider one of the most romantic things I've ever seen him do... I was having a pretty bad day for some reason, just feeling run-down, exhausted, drained, and dealing with a migraine as well. I was having a hard time dealing with Ethan's energetic interactions and trying to lie down on the couch and rest, when Joel came out of his office and said that he was going to Walgreen's. I just murmured "okay" and pushed play on Ethan's movie, expecting Joel to leave my rambunctious two-year-old with me while he drove away. Moments later, I heard him taking Ethan out to the car... and then drive away together. Even when they got home later, he took Ethan outside to play for a little bit longer, just so that I could have a bit more time to recover. I was so impressed, and humbled, and shocked, and deeply pleased by his gesture. It meant so much to me that he did that without even asking.
I know that for some people, that might not be so far out of the realms of possibility that it would seem like a big deal, but I can count on one hand the number of times he has taken Ethan out *by himself* since Ethan was born. One hand. So that is a big thing for us, and I totally appreciate it for what it is-- romantic, and generous, and loving. Now, if I can just figure out how to get a repeat without having to conjure up another migraine....
To me, on the other hand, romance involves far less money and far more attention to the needs of your partner, and consideration of their likes and dislikes. Romance for me would involve a situation where my husband wakes up in the middle of the night and tends to the baby so that I can sleep in, or gets up in the morning and makes breakfast for all of us so that I can get a break from the usual chore. It would be romantic if he left a note on my desk saying how much he loved me, or texted me a sweet little message out of the blue, or brought me home a bottle of my favorite wine so that we could share it later that evening. It doesn't take much, really, in my view; just a thoughtfulness and a sense of caring or affection that expresses itself in simple, everyday situations instead of grand gestures that take on a life of their own.
This week, for instance, Joel did something that I consider one of the most romantic things I've ever seen him do... I was having a pretty bad day for some reason, just feeling run-down, exhausted, drained, and dealing with a migraine as well. I was having a hard time dealing with Ethan's energetic interactions and trying to lie down on the couch and rest, when Joel came out of his office and said that he was going to Walgreen's. I just murmured "okay" and pushed play on Ethan's movie, expecting Joel to leave my rambunctious two-year-old with me while he drove away. Moments later, I heard him taking Ethan out to the car... and then drive away together. Even when they got home later, he took Ethan outside to play for a little bit longer, just so that I could have a bit more time to recover. I was so impressed, and humbled, and shocked, and deeply pleased by his gesture. It meant so much to me that he did that without even asking.
I know that for some people, that might not be so far out of the realms of possibility that it would seem like a big deal, but I can count on one hand the number of times he has taken Ethan out *by himself* since Ethan was born. One hand. So that is a big thing for us, and I totally appreciate it for what it is-- romantic, and generous, and loving. Now, if I can just figure out how to get a repeat without having to conjure up another migraine....
Thursday, February 10, 2011
My Husband... Happy (early) Love Day
This is the face that I see when I think of Valentine's Day, or romance in general... 
Joel and I are coming up on our 4th anniversary next week, and the 6th year that we've known each other this summer, and it's been a pretty crazy journey so far. When we met, we both had good jobs and were on top of the world, so to speak; we could afford what we wanted and had no responsibilities other than ourselves. That first summer was amazing, full of adventures and road trips and random spontaneous acts of joy and exploration. A few months after we met, I bought the home I'd been living in, and a month or so after that, we moved in together... things seemed to be almost perfect, at that moment. How could anything possibly go wrong?
Two weeks after Joel moved in with me, his job laid him off, and two months after that, the housing market took what was the beginning of its fatal dive. The financial crunch had just begun, and we felt it immediately. Still, we thought things would pick back up soon and we could get back to focusing on our lives together instead of how to pay bills. Instead, our lives just became more and more defined by our financial crisis. As our money issues increased, though, so did our affection for each other and our determination to make it through. The bright note that year was our engagement, and we followed it up with a small elopement witnessed by only a few friends the next February. Unfortunately, we followed that up by declaring bankruptcy and surrendering our home to the bank. It was a very tough time, finally admitting to the world and to ourselves that we were in way over our heads... but it was necessary. Things were a bit easier emotionally after that, because we didn't have the massive debt hanging over us anymore, and we moved into a rental home that would allow us to start trying for a family. We're both getting older, and didn't want to start our childrearing at age 45 or something. My favorite memory of that year was when Joel surprised me with a trip to San Francisco just before my birthday, and we saw "Monsoon Wedding" in a funky theater. It was very romantic, and definitely needed.
Again, though, life wasn't quite done teaching us some lesson or other. We enjoyed a mostly uneventful pregnancy until the last month, when we started experiencing some serious problems. There was daily bleeding, and days when we felt the baby wasn't moving, early contractions, and multiple visits to the birthing center. The day he was born via emergency c-section, I went through the worst fears of my life... trying to stay positive about your baby's chances while simultaneously hemorrhaging is a difficult task, and I definitely struggled to keep from bursting into tears every minute. But guess what? We made it through that with no major complications, and welcomed our darling boy into the world. Just a few months after that, I was laid off from my job, and then not two months later, Joel was laid off from his. Yet another challenge, but how could we even think about that, when we had a little one to focus on... or sometimes, less focusing and more just exhausted sleep was going on.
After the initial sleeplessness and bizarre rituals of introducing a newborn into your household were established, we started to realize just how much parenthood changes a marriage. It changes every way you relate to each other, or at least it should... we struggled with learning how to stay connected to each other while building a connection to this new little person, and I think it's going to be a lifelong learning process. But it has been worth it; every time I look at my son's face, I know it was worth everything.
And this brings us back to my husband... we've been through some very lean years together. Very, very lean. And those times aren't over yet. We're still in the midst of a major financial crisis, and yet somehow we are sticking together through all of the stress and worry and humiliation of asking for yet another loan or more support from family. I'm really looking forward to getting on our feet again sometime soon... not only because it'll be a relief to finally stop worrying about whether or not we're paying rent next month, but also because I want to see how this changes our relationship yet again. If we've survived these hard times, then how much better will it be when we're not struggling financially anymore? I can't wait to find out...
Joel and I are coming up on our 4th anniversary next week, and the 6th year that we've known each other this summer, and it's been a pretty crazy journey so far. When we met, we both had good jobs and were on top of the world, so to speak; we could afford what we wanted and had no responsibilities other than ourselves. That first summer was amazing, full of adventures and road trips and random spontaneous acts of joy and exploration. A few months after we met, I bought the home I'd been living in, and a month or so after that, we moved in together... things seemed to be almost perfect, at that moment. How could anything possibly go wrong?
Two weeks after Joel moved in with me, his job laid him off, and two months after that, the housing market took what was the beginning of its fatal dive. The financial crunch had just begun, and we felt it immediately. Still, we thought things would pick back up soon and we could get back to focusing on our lives together instead of how to pay bills. Instead, our lives just became more and more defined by our financial crisis. As our money issues increased, though, so did our affection for each other and our determination to make it through. The bright note that year was our engagement, and we followed it up with a small elopement witnessed by only a few friends the next February. Unfortunately, we followed that up by declaring bankruptcy and surrendering our home to the bank. It was a very tough time, finally admitting to the world and to ourselves that we were in way over our heads... but it was necessary. Things were a bit easier emotionally after that, because we didn't have the massive debt hanging over us anymore, and we moved into a rental home that would allow us to start trying for a family. We're both getting older, and didn't want to start our childrearing at age 45 or something. My favorite memory of that year was when Joel surprised me with a trip to San Francisco just before my birthday, and we saw "Monsoon Wedding" in a funky theater. It was very romantic, and definitely needed.
Again, though, life wasn't quite done teaching us some lesson or other. We enjoyed a mostly uneventful pregnancy until the last month, when we started experiencing some serious problems. There was daily bleeding, and days when we felt the baby wasn't moving, early contractions, and multiple visits to the birthing center. The day he was born via emergency c-section, I went through the worst fears of my life... trying to stay positive about your baby's chances while simultaneously hemorrhaging is a difficult task, and I definitely struggled to keep from bursting into tears every minute. But guess what? We made it through that with no major complications, and welcomed our darling boy into the world. Just a few months after that, I was laid off from my job, and then not two months later, Joel was laid off from his. Yet another challenge, but how could we even think about that, when we had a little one to focus on... or sometimes, less focusing and more just exhausted sleep was going on.
After the initial sleeplessness and bizarre rituals of introducing a newborn into your household were established, we started to realize just how much parenthood changes a marriage. It changes every way you relate to each other, or at least it should... we struggled with learning how to stay connected to each other while building a connection to this new little person, and I think it's going to be a lifelong learning process. But it has been worth it; every time I look at my son's face, I know it was worth everything.
And this brings us back to my husband... we've been through some very lean years together. Very, very lean. And those times aren't over yet. We're still in the midst of a major financial crisis, and yet somehow we are sticking together through all of the stress and worry and humiliation of asking for yet another loan or more support from family. I'm really looking forward to getting on our feet again sometime soon... not only because it'll be a relief to finally stop worrying about whether or not we're paying rent next month, but also because I want to see how this changes our relationship yet again. If we've survived these hard times, then how much better will it be when we're not struggling financially anymore? I can't wait to find out...
Monday, October 11, 2010
Sacramento
Joel got hired! I'm pretty sure I already said this, but he actually starts work on Monday (tomorrow) up in Sacramento. He'll be staying there Monday through Wednesday, which will be tough for all of us... but it's worth it. He'll be making a base pay plus commission for doing things like graphic design, ad sales, and computer tech support for a man who is starting a new business magazine. I just want everything to work out for him, for once; it's time he got some positive feedback from the universe!
This is a true Renaissance man, a jack-of-all-trades, a versatile worker who can master just about anything he sets his mind to, seemingly without much effort. He is mechanically adept, technologically savvy, musically inclined, and a creative problem-solver. He is very much into the logistics of how things work and work together and come apart, but he is also an artist and photographer and sees the world with a very unique vision. His greatest strength is the way he can dedicate himself to a project, focus all of his energy, education, and hands-on learning to mastering it, and then put his own spin on it-- usually improving a process or the entire project.
I'm proud of him for taking this chance and hope that it allows him to see that hard work and innovation actually DO pay off. Maybe this time, our goals are going to a little easier to reach...
This is a true Renaissance man, a jack-of-all-trades, a versatile worker who can master just about anything he sets his mind to, seemingly without much effort. He is mechanically adept, technologically savvy, musically inclined, and a creative problem-solver. He is very much into the logistics of how things work and work together and come apart, but he is also an artist and photographer and sees the world with a very unique vision. His greatest strength is the way he can dedicate himself to a project, focus all of his energy, education, and hands-on learning to mastering it, and then put his own spin on it-- usually improving a process or the entire project.
I'm proud of him for taking this chance and hope that it allows him to see that hard work and innovation actually DO pay off. Maybe this time, our goals are going to a little easier to reach...
Thursday, September 23, 2010
HBD
By the way... Happy Birthday to my amazing husband Joel. You are the love of my life, which means so many different things. You are the person I want to call first when something awesome or scary or weird happens. You are the most handsome man that I'm privileged to know, and I constantly have to shake my head in wonder at how lucky I am that you're mine. You can make a day of walking and talking into a crazy adventure or a soothing oasis, and both will be exactly what I needed at that moment. Yes, you can also be an expert at driving me up the walls, but then you're also a pro at bringing me back down and calming my nerves. You inspire me to stay fit and encourage me to stay positive, and your quiet example of courage and optimism help me avoid my natural tendencies towards melancholy. I'm always astounded by how much you know and how talented you are, and sometimes I feel a sort of pity for the people who won't get to know you the way I do... and for the people who don't have someone like you in their lives.
You're a loving and fun and happy father, and my only regret is that we didn't meet earlier in life so that we could have enjoyed our couple-time and yet have a full household by now. I'm so lucky to have you for my husband, my mate, my partner; and I love you always. These tough times we're going through right now, financially speaking, will NOT break us. We'll get through them together, and just think... if this is how great it is while we're struggling, imagine how awesome it will be when we're stable. I can't wait to share those times with you, finally. Happy, happy birthday!
You're a loving and fun and happy father, and my only regret is that we didn't meet earlier in life so that we could have enjoyed our couple-time and yet have a full household by now. I'm so lucky to have you for my husband, my mate, my partner; and I love you always. These tough times we're going through right now, financially speaking, will NOT break us. We'll get through them together, and just think... if this is how great it is while we're struggling, imagine how awesome it will be when we're stable. I can't wait to share those times with you, finally. Happy, happy birthday!
Friday, August 27, 2010
Prepping for Burning Man...
We're getting ready to go! After all of Joel's hard work on the RV, we are finally in the last stages of preparation before leaving on Sunday. Stefanie is coming in as a lifesaver and taking care of Ethan while we are gone; we're going to have to do some serious thank you's when this is all over. I mean, what a great thing to do for someone else, even if they are family. Last year, we were lucky enough to have our friends Jenny and Julie share custody (tee hee) while we were gone. This year, Stefanie is bearing the whole burden herself, with a few breaks planned-- she'll be taking him up for a few hours during the day to his abuela in Oakdale. In fact, I still have to introduce them... yet another thing on my "to-do" list this week. Yikes!
And speaking of to-do lists, you wouldn't believe all of the stuff Joel has done to this RV to get it in running condition. Some of it while Ethan's in there stepping on his feet and trying to "help out"!
He is a man of many talents... here's his ongoing list:
-- fixed the fuel gauge (so that we can now tell whether or not we're on empty, a good thing to know)
-- fixed the water heater and got the propane tank rockin' and ready to go, so that we now have an oven, stove, hot water, fridge and freezer, and a heater :)
-- diagnosed the water tank problem and fixed it with the help of his brother (and his welding tools)
-- figured out the water faucet issue and replaced it so that we can use the bathroom sink and shower
-- attached side rear-view mirrors
-- attached latches to the bathroom door and the screen door, and made a "hook" to hold the side door open
-- figured out how to empty the tanks and will be building a gray-water evaporation crate for getting rid of shower/sink water (leave no trace!) while we're out in the desert
-- hooked up his iPod to the speakers, liberating us from AM radio only
-- installed cup holders in front and back
-- secured the microwave and put safety latches on every cabinet and drawer
-- set up a connection for a power converter, if we can get one (to run electricity without the generator being on)
-- is currently working on getting the RV's AC unit fixed
-- is also in the process of creating an exhaust outlet for the portable AC unit; he's putting it under the bar/table area in the back
Oh, my poor, downtrodden, used and abused husband...
I'm not even sure what else he has done or is going to do to this rig... all I know is that he's a genius, and I'm a lucky girl. Get this man a beer, stat!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
