Thursday, October 15, 2009


This week I was lucky enough to take my lovely niece to a concert at a nearby church. Lucky, because it turned out her dad was double-booked and wasn't able to go, and lucky because he asked *me* to be the one to attend in his place. Lucky, because I got to spend some fun, carefree girl-time with my niece, whom I love dearly and don't get to see anywhere near enough to suit me. And lucky because I got to listen to-- no, to experience some awesome, uplifting, energizing music that really renewed my spirits and gave me something to hold onto.

Things have been tough lately... it has been hard to keep my chin up, what with so many things seemingly conspiring to keep us on the edge of disaster. The jobs aren't coming through, the money is running out, the clock is ticking and the stress is starting to build up again, and through it all my sweet partner strides with unruffled feathers and an easy demeanor, believing things will work themselves out just fine. You'd think that would make me rest easier, right? But for some reason, it just seems to worry me even more. We just finished watching "Away We Go," and it really caught me off guard to see the main characters so calmly facing an uncertain future. Even Joel commented on it; he said, "Wow, she's not flipping out about the electricity going off. If that were you..." Enough said. We get the point. I wanted to be upset about it, and was for a moment, but the truth is that I do stress out way too much about things I can't change.

We just shared a great weekend with a couple of friends, and guess what? Yep, I flipped out. Twice. In one weekend! What the heck is up with that? One time, I almost started crying, just thinking about what was facing us on the return trip home-- money problems, and helping the baby learn how to sleep through the night, and hoping I wasn't pregnant, and wondering when things were going to turn around, and wishing with all my might that I could just let all the "stuff" on my shoulders slide off and enjoy the moment...

Anyway, it was rough. And the concert this week really helped give me some peace and some positive vibes to carry around with me. I even bought a CD to help keep my negativity in check, and I have this CD on replay this week.
My current fave was apparently on the TV show "Pushing Daisies"... very cool!


I'm pushing up daisies
I wish they were roses
I feel like I'm dying
Just want you to notice

I'm swimming to safety
but even with my best
If I don't see that rope soon
This might be my last breath

Somehow the grave has captured me
Show me the man I used to be
Just when I feel my breath is running out...

The earth moves and you find me
Alive but unworthy, broken and empty
But you don't care
Cause you are my rapture, you are my savior
When all my hope is gone, I reach for you
You are my rescue

Ahhhh.... that feels better. :)


  1. Mel,
    There is a big difference between your life situation and the situation portraited in Away We Go. When the lights went out it wasn't because they didn't have money to pay the bill but rather because they lived in an old house with poor electical that overloaded when they plugged in the portable electric heater. It's easy not to freak out when the solution to an issue is simply a new fuse and NOT concern about a dwindling bank account, lack of gainfull employment and the prioritizing of reaching for a "dream" over reacting to reality.

    Cut yourself some slack. You have a lot on your plate. Your concerns are valid. Your fears are honest and need to be headed by both you and your partner. Having a great, even, "everything will work itself out" attitude is wonderful so long as the real life issues are being owned and handled. Just because you react or "freak out" does not make the one who doesn't better at handling a serious and potentially dire situation. Life takes action. Choices. Often sacrifice in an effort to succeed.

    I am very glad you were able to find a sense of peace by attending the concert with your niece. It is important for you to take and find those moments of joy and release.

    I hope my comments here were not too drastic and that you know I love you and am hear to support you in whatever way possible.

    You are an awesome, beautiful, and talented Mom and indivdual. A woman I am truly blessed to call my friend!

  2. I love you too, my dear friend!!! Thank you for your words of reason and for taking an honest look at my situation... sometimes it's hard to do when you're in the thick of things. I really appreciate your candor and your concern. XOXOXO