Thursday, July 22, 2010

The Little Things

I don't feel like I ask for much. Maybe if you asked someone else, they would tell you differently, but as it is I really don't think I'm that demanding. My expectations are not inordinately high, and I don't have to be swept off my feet by life on a daily basis. Actually, I seem to be the most affected, the most deeply moved, by the little things in life. When someone remembers a like or dislike of mine, for instance, just because they cared enough to note it down mentally when the topic came up. Or when someone does a favor without being asked, just because they know it would make my life a little easier or bring a smile to my face. For example, I had that horrendous dental appointment a couple of weeks ago, and asked my sister to watch the baby while I was gone. When I returned, she had tidied up the living room and vacuumed, all because "I thought you might be in pain when you got back, and would like to have things already cleaned up so that you didn't have to do it with your mouth hurting." It really meant something to me...

Similarly, I don't expect roses and chocolates and expensive dates in order to keep me in love with someone. What would be really romantic would be to see daily proofs of love, in the form of the little things. Things like washing up the dishes that are sitting in the sink, so that I get to wake up to a clean kitchen. Or fixing lunch once in awhile, because it gives me a break from always preparing the meals. Or setting up a "date night" where we just get together and walk around downtown or to a park, so that we can talk and focus on each other for an hour or so without the distraction of the house or work. It certainly doesn't feel like I'm asking a lot; so why does it seem like it? When those little displays of affection, of genuinely thinking about what might make someone else happy, are missing it can leave space for resentment and loneliness to grow, and then it becomes more and more difficult for love and companionship to strengthen. But how to resolve this dilemma is the real question, and one for which I have no answers.

1 comment:

  1. Hi Melanie...sometimes we have to "train" our partners in things like what mean the most to us. Have you expressed your feelings? Let it be known what is important to you? I know you probably think you shouldn't have to say things like that, but when two people grow up in two different households...learning family life totally differently, they don't always see things eye to eye....or communicate the same way. The best way to do that is to talk to each other....tell each other your feelings. I hope you don't mind I left this's such a personal entry you have here...I don't want to offend...just offer years of experience. Love you!! Hang in there. Kathy