Monday, February 23, 2009
Wounded baby
My poor baby... his face is healing, but now he feels extra yucky because of the immunizations on Friday. And he's super-congested, which makes it really hard for him to eat or sleep without discomfort. We're also trying to work with him more on some things the doctor suggested at our doctor appointment on Friday... Neck control (needs more tummy time) and re-shaping his head. He really likes to sleep on his right side, and this has apparently started to flatten his skull, and started to cause his forehead to bulge a little bit. Yikes! I wish they would have told us about this at our first doctor visit-- to be aware of it, and to switch his head from left to right every other day, so that he doesn't develop any flattening or anything like that. But noooo, they wait until 8 weeks, at which point his skull has already started to change and firm up. Sheesh, people!! I'm going to go warn my friend who is a new mom about this, so that she can avoid having to do what we're doing (i.e., worry about whether or not we'll have to have him in a molding helmet if his skull is still misshapen at the 4-month doctor visit). Ugh. Who knew being a parent carried so much responsibility? ;)
Friday, February 20, 2009
The Daycare Incident: Ethan's Face vs. A Pack of Hungry Wolverines
Okay, so how do I begin? Let's see... Ethan started to get a bit congested and feeling yucky this week, so I kept him home most of the week and simply called in sick to work to be with him. I did go in to KinderCare on Oakdale Road and start the paperwork so that I could start him in daycare there part-time (a few hours a day) this week. That way, I could get used to being away from him a bit at a time... I'd have him mornings, then take him in for a couple of hours in the afternoons. It was working out alright, except that I started having reservations about the facility right away. First of all, almost every time I went in, there was chaos. Kids crying, screaming, noses dripping down their faces, food crusted on other kids' faces, and so on. Just out of control, usually, although there were times when it was calmer. Then, one day I noticed after I got Ethan home that his shirt had been wet with formula (probably during a feeding) at some point-- from the front collar all the way to the back of his neck-- and they had never changed him, so it had dried like that. Hmm... then, another time I noticed when I changed his diaper that they had obviously not cleaned his bottom completely, because there was still a little bit of dirty area on his back. Hmmmmm.... And then came the kicker, on Friday 2/20.
I dropped Ethan off at around 12:30 or so, and then went out to run errands (return a few purchases, redeem my pedicure gift-card, get his birth certificate, etc.). At around 2:20, the asst. director of KinderCare called me. She said, "Oh, this is a courtesy call from KinderCare-- we just wanted to let you know that Ethan got a little scratch today. It did break the skin a little, you'll notice it when you get here, but don't worry, the head teacher washed it thoroughly and he is okay. They've been giving him a lot of TLC ever since then, and he's doing fine." I asked a few questions, and she said that a toddler had been near him and had accidentally reached over and scratched his face a little bit. Well, needless to say, I was irritated, but she was making it seem so minimal that I just continued on my errands and planned to pick him up at 4:00 as usual. I also planned to tell the director about all of my concerns, and try to find another place for my baby, because it just didn't seem right to me.
I finally finished getting the birth certificate, and went over to pick up Ethan at 3:45. First, I met with another director type person, and told her my concerns. She reassured me that they would talk to the teachers about making sure he gets cleaned thoroughly, and changing his shirt if it gets soiled, and also gave me a lot of talk about the scratch incident. I hadn't seen the baby yet, at this point. She said "Well, we don't like to keep the infants and toddlers separated, because they learn from each other, they are curious and like to explore.. it's just unfortunate that this toddler was able to accidentally scratch Ethan's face. We are going to talk to the child's parents and make sure that they trim her nails in the future." She talked on for a bit, and then I finally went in to get Ethan. Oh, boy.
The teacher in the room went behind the partition to go get him, and told me about the incident all the while. She said that she wasn't even in the room at the time; she had been on break, and it was two other teachers in there when he got hurt. As she's talking, I'm getting closer to the baby, and I can see his face a little bit; it looks like three or four long scratches across his forehead, bright red and somewhat raised. She continues, saying that one teacher was at the changing station, the other teacher was feeding kids, and Ethan was propped up in the boppy pillow, when one of the little girls went over to him and scratched him. They went over and picked him up, of course, right away, and washed his face off very well. At this point, she is holding Ethan in front of me, and getting ready to hand him over. I can see several long scratches, some of which are across his eyelids. He has a small gouge on the bridge of his nose, which looks like it was bleeding. She turns his head and shows me the other gouge, on his cheekbone, and then I took him from her. I started to put him in his carseat, and felt the tears start welling up in my eyes. I just started crying and couldn't stop for the next fifteen minutes. How could they let this happen to my baby????!??!?!
I drove immediately to Joel to show him what happened, and he called them and let 'em have it over the phone. He cancelled our enrollment and told them to gather all of our stuff so that we could pick it up Monday. I tried the doctors' office, but it was closed at 4:00, so I just missed them. So I drove home and we put Neosporin on his cuts (basically, all over his face), then started calling for other daycares who (a) accepted infants, (b) had an opening, and (c) could let me come out there right away to get set up. While I pondered which ones to contact, Julie called me with a recommendation from a friend of hers for Childtime Learning Centers, on Floyd & Oakdale. I called them, told them what happened, and went out immediately. The minute I walked in the door, it was like night and day from the KinderCare center. Clean, welcoming, happy, organized... wow. What a difference! I didn't realize how bad the other place was until I walked into this one. I got to see the infant/toddler room, which has separate sections for the infants so that they can still see/be seen, but can't be interfered with by the toddlers. It was just lovely... I was so relieved that I signed him up right away and plopped down the money for registration. Thank God for the tax return; what would we have done without the money to move our son out of that unsafe childcare?
Anyway... we're just going to be extra-kind and loving towards Ethan this weekend. He not only got his immunizations in the morning (more on that later), but then he had to get mauled in daycare in the afternoon! Pobrecito... I hope he feels better soon.
I dropped Ethan off at around 12:30 or so, and then went out to run errands (return a few purchases, redeem my pedicure gift-card, get his birth certificate, etc.). At around 2:20, the asst. director of KinderCare called me. She said, "Oh, this is a courtesy call from KinderCare-- we just wanted to let you know that Ethan got a little scratch today. It did break the skin a little, you'll notice it when you get here, but don't worry, the head teacher washed it thoroughly and he is okay. They've been giving him a lot of TLC ever since then, and he's doing fine." I asked a few questions, and she said that a toddler had been near him and had accidentally reached over and scratched his face a little bit. Well, needless to say, I was irritated, but she was making it seem so minimal that I just continued on my errands and planned to pick him up at 4:00 as usual. I also planned to tell the director about all of my concerns, and try to find another place for my baby, because it just didn't seem right to me.
I finally finished getting the birth certificate, and went over to pick up Ethan at 3:45. First, I met with another director type person, and told her my concerns. She reassured me that they would talk to the teachers about making sure he gets cleaned thoroughly, and changing his shirt if it gets soiled, and also gave me a lot of talk about the scratch incident. I hadn't seen the baby yet, at this point. She said "Well, we don't like to keep the infants and toddlers separated, because they learn from each other, they are curious and like to explore.. it's just unfortunate that this toddler was able to accidentally scratch Ethan's face. We are going to talk to the child's parents and make sure that they trim her nails in the future." She talked on for a bit, and then I finally went in to get Ethan. Oh, boy.
The teacher in the room went behind the partition to go get him, and told me about the incident all the while. She said that she wasn't even in the room at the time; she had been on break, and it was two other teachers in there when he got hurt. As she's talking, I'm getting closer to the baby, and I can see his face a little bit; it looks like three or four long scratches across his forehead, bright red and somewhat raised. She continues, saying that one teacher was at the changing station, the other teacher was feeding kids, and Ethan was propped up in the boppy pillow, when one of the little girls went over to him and scratched him. They went over and picked him up, of course, right away, and washed his face off very well. At this point, she is holding Ethan in front of me, and getting ready to hand him over. I can see several long scratches, some of which are across his eyelids. He has a small gouge on the bridge of his nose, which looks like it was bleeding. She turns his head and shows me the other gouge, on his cheekbone, and then I took him from her. I started to put him in his carseat, and felt the tears start welling up in my eyes. I just started crying and couldn't stop for the next fifteen minutes. How could they let this happen to my baby????!??!?!
I drove immediately to Joel to show him what happened, and he called them and let 'em have it over the phone. He cancelled our enrollment and told them to gather all of our stuff so that we could pick it up Monday. I tried the doctors' office, but it was closed at 4:00, so I just missed them. So I drove home and we put Neosporin on his cuts (basically, all over his face), then started calling for other daycares who (a) accepted infants, (b) had an opening, and (c) could let me come out there right away to get set up. While I pondered which ones to contact, Julie called me with a recommendation from a friend of hers for Childtime Learning Centers, on Floyd & Oakdale. I called them, told them what happened, and went out immediately. The minute I walked in the door, it was like night and day from the KinderCare center. Clean, welcoming, happy, organized... wow. What a difference! I didn't realize how bad the other place was until I walked into this one. I got to see the infant/toddler room, which has separate sections for the infants so that they can still see/be seen, but can't be interfered with by the toddlers. It was just lovely... I was so relieved that I signed him up right away and plopped down the money for registration. Thank God for the tax return; what would we have done without the money to move our son out of that unsafe childcare?
Anyway... we're just going to be extra-kind and loving towards Ethan this weekend. He not only got his immunizations in the morning (more on that later), but then he had to get mauled in daycare in the afternoon! Pobrecito... I hope he feels better soon.
Saturday, February 14, 2009
Saudades for Ethan's infancy
Just wanted to note down some of the little memories of Ethan's first 8 weeks...
-- We called him "Turtle" for awhile, because of the way his stomach would flatten out all the time. His chest, so narrow, would expand out into this wide, flat, hard belly that had a strange concave dip/line going down the middle of it, before narrowing again at his hips. Our little turtle...
--When Ethan would be done with his bottle, he would let us know not by pulling his head away or pushing the bottle, but by slowly pursing his lips until they pushed the bottle-nipple out. Whenever he did that, we would say he was making a "Kissy-Mouth." Okay, *I* called it that, Joel called it Fish Lips. Either way, it was adorable!
-- This is the most calm, easy-going, laid back, sweet baby around. I love spending time with him... he is hardly ever fussy, and just likes to have a good time looking around, soaking in the atmosphere, listening... what a lucky pair of parents we are.
-- I love it when he falls asleep on my chest. I know, I know, it isn't a good habit, but I LOVE it. I love holding his tiny little body as it curls up against me, and knowing that he was just a part of my body only a few weeks ago. I love kissing his head and knowing that in just a little while, he'll be crawling, and walking, and talking, and then poof! Graduating, and falling in love, and all of the other miracles and milestones of a person's life. I miss him already, if that's possible; the little person he is right now, the boy he's going to become, the man he's going to grow into... I truly don't know how other parents can deal with it-- all the love that is bursting inside their hearts. Maybe that's why they complain so much about the petty, minor things; to distract themselves from the overwhelming love for their own children.
It reminds me of one of my favorite stories, "Saudade" by Katherine Vaz. The story is basically about love and longing and that particular feeling you get when you miss something so much that the memory of it is stronger than reality... During one passage, a character looks around the picnic table at friends and family and realizes to herself that, for the first time, she is already missing people who are still with her, who haven't even left yet... During another part, a character lights candles where she first kissed her husband-to-be, because she believed that "we must honor with fire the places where love almost kills us." It reminds me of "Like Water For Chocolate," in which a couple of characters are actually set aflame by their love for each other. I really enjoy books with magical realism, in case you haven't noticed. That's one thing I hope I can pass on to my son-- a love for words, for literature, for poetry and language and expression... if there is one gift I can give him, it will be to see the wonder and joy and power inherent in words.
-- We called him "Turtle" for awhile, because of the way his stomach would flatten out all the time. His chest, so narrow, would expand out into this wide, flat, hard belly that had a strange concave dip/line going down the middle of it, before narrowing again at his hips. Our little turtle...
--When Ethan would be done with his bottle, he would let us know not by pulling his head away or pushing the bottle, but by slowly pursing his lips until they pushed the bottle-nipple out. Whenever he did that, we would say he was making a "Kissy-Mouth." Okay, *I* called it that, Joel called it Fish Lips. Either way, it was adorable!
-- This is the most calm, easy-going, laid back, sweet baby around. I love spending time with him... he is hardly ever fussy, and just likes to have a good time looking around, soaking in the atmosphere, listening... what a lucky pair of parents we are.
-- I love it when he falls asleep on my chest. I know, I know, it isn't a good habit, but I LOVE it. I love holding his tiny little body as it curls up against me, and knowing that he was just a part of my body only a few weeks ago. I love kissing his head and knowing that in just a little while, he'll be crawling, and walking, and talking, and then poof! Graduating, and falling in love, and all of the other miracles and milestones of a person's life. I miss him already, if that's possible; the little person he is right now, the boy he's going to become, the man he's going to grow into... I truly don't know how other parents can deal with it-- all the love that is bursting inside their hearts. Maybe that's why they complain so much about the petty, minor things; to distract themselves from the overwhelming love for their own children.
It reminds me of one of my favorite stories, "Saudade" by Katherine Vaz. The story is basically about love and longing and that particular feeling you get when you miss something so much that the memory of it is stronger than reality... During one passage, a character looks around the picnic table at friends and family and realizes to herself that, for the first time, she is already missing people who are still with her, who haven't even left yet... During another part, a character lights candles where she first kissed her husband-to-be, because she believed that "we must honor with fire the places where love almost kills us." It reminds me of "Like Water For Chocolate," in which a couple of characters are actually set aflame by their love for each other. I really enjoy books with magical realism, in case you haven't noticed. That's one thing I hope I can pass on to my son-- a love for words, for literature, for poetry and language and expression... if there is one gift I can give him, it will be to see the wonder and joy and power inherent in words.
Friday, February 13, 2009
Anticipation... but not the good kind
Next week I am supposed to start Ethan at daycare... and I can hardly bear it! It has been a really rough week for me. I've been feeling so burdened by the thought of having to take him to daycare and go back to work at the office, and my emotions are on a roller-coaster. I've felt so overwhelmed by all of this... and it's made me start to pull back and distance myself. Now, intellectually, I realize that I am doing that in order to save myself from pain, and preserve a little bit of sanity, by removing myself from the source of stress. Knowing something doesn't necessarily mean you know how to stop doing it, though, or how to fix it. I don't want to feel distant from my son or husband, but I feel like if I am too close to them, I will simply lose it and drown in tears because of this deep sorrow over losing this time with my baby and my family. I feel like I haven't stopped crying all day... and it's just exhausting.
Maybe it's because it's Friday the 13th. Or maybe it's because it's just too soon to go back. Who knows... all I know is, it will take an act of God to get me into the office on Tuesday morning.
Maybe it's because it's Friday the 13th. Or maybe it's because it's just too soon to go back. Who knows... all I know is, it will take an act of God to get me into the office on Tuesday morning.
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
Dressing up baby
Wow. Now that he is gaining weight and growing, he is on a roll! (I mean that literally; he finally has little chub rolls everywhere, woo-hoo! I want to chew them up!) It seems like in the span of about a week or two, he went from newborn size, up through the 0-3 months, and is now firmly in the 3-month clothing. Sure, it's a bit long, but the 0-3 month footie sleepers were just a smidge too tight. So now we get to dress him up more! Also, because his neck is a bit stronger, we don't have to worry about accidentally crippling him while putting on over-the-head clothing, so we have a much larger variety of tops we can use. Sweet! I mean, baby girls definitely have much cuter clothing, but his are pretty darn close. :)
Monday, February 2, 2009
"Good" Baby
It's funny... so many people who I meet while I'm out with Ethan ask me the same question: "Is he a good baby?" Well, yes, he is; and he would be whether or not he was crying, quiet, slept a lot or stayed awake, moved around all the time or was still and introspective. Aren't all babies "good" at this stage? How could they be bad? Crying doesn't make a baby "bad"; it is simply a means of communicating a need they have. Or are these people asking me to determine whether or not my son is a bad person when he's only 6 weeks old? Hmm...very strange.
I thought I felt okay about the day care situation, but it's getting tough again the closer it gets. I realize that we can't survive without my full income, so I'm trying to look at it as a sacrifice I'm making for my son and for my family. Oh, but that sacrifice still hurts...
On a more positive note, he has started giving me smiles! They are mainly smiles when he is sleepy and starting to fall asleep, but sometimes he tosses me an adorable dimple out of the blue, when he's wide awake. I love that dimple! And his cleft chin is starting to become more noticeable, too. Got that one from his dad, of course. In fact, he looks so much like Joel, it's ridiculous. Where are the "mommy" traits, huh? Then again, I compared his pictures to the pics of my niece when she was born 10 years ago, and they look remarkably similar-- so I guess the mommy side is in there, somewhere. :)
He's still waking up a few times a night; we have him on a 2.5 to 3 hour schedule, so he goes to bed by 9-ish and then is up at around midnight for his next feeding, then 3-ish, and then wakes up for the day at around 6:00. It's not so bad, except that I'm the only one getting up all night. I don't mean to whine, but that gets really old, really fast. I'm just tiiiirrrreeeeddddd.... in a deep way, like I've been up non-stop for a month. I've gotten sleep-- but it's always in short bursts of 2 hours or less. I feel like I haven't gotten a deep sleep since early November, because I couldn't really sleep for the last month of the pregnancy. If my "partner" doesn't step up soon, I may have to take a vacation to let him handle things on his own for awhile. Maybe that'll give him a better idea of what I'm dealing with.
I thought I felt okay about the day care situation, but it's getting tough again the closer it gets. I realize that we can't survive without my full income, so I'm trying to look at it as a sacrifice I'm making for my son and for my family. Oh, but that sacrifice still hurts...
On a more positive note, he has started giving me smiles! They are mainly smiles when he is sleepy and starting to fall asleep, but sometimes he tosses me an adorable dimple out of the blue, when he's wide awake. I love that dimple! And his cleft chin is starting to become more noticeable, too. Got that one from his dad, of course. In fact, he looks so much like Joel, it's ridiculous. Where are the "mommy" traits, huh? Then again, I compared his pictures to the pics of my niece when she was born 10 years ago, and they look remarkably similar-- so I guess the mommy side is in there, somewhere. :)
He's still waking up a few times a night; we have him on a 2.5 to 3 hour schedule, so he goes to bed by 9-ish and then is up at around midnight for his next feeding, then 3-ish, and then wakes up for the day at around 6:00. It's not so bad, except that I'm the only one getting up all night. I don't mean to whine, but that gets really old, really fast. I'm just tiiiirrrreeeeddddd.... in a deep way, like I've been up non-stop for a month. I've gotten sleep-- but it's always in short bursts of 2 hours or less. I feel like I haven't gotten a deep sleep since early November, because I couldn't really sleep for the last month of the pregnancy. If my "partner" doesn't step up soon, I may have to take a vacation to let him handle things on his own for awhile. Maybe that'll give him a better idea of what I'm dealing with.
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Likes/Dislikes: BOTTLE UPDATE
We found the bottle we like best now, and it isn't something we have to jimmy together like the Playtex/Gerber hybrid I talked about earlier. This is the Avent bottle (4 oz.), with the stage 2 nipple (with two holes, for babies 1-2 months old). I bought it today at Target, cleaned & sterilized it, and used it for the first time at his lunch-time feeding-- and it was amazing! He only took 10-15 minutes TOTAL to finish the whole bottle. With the other bottles/nipples, he was taking 45 minutes to an hour to finish it off, and sometimes he only ended up taking 2 oz. after all that time. I've fed him twice so far with the Avent, and both times he took less than 15 minutes to finish eating. Amazing! This is really going to make feeding time a lot less frustrating. Woo-hoo! The only downside is that the bottles are expensive... it was $9.98 for ONE 4-oz bottle at Target, and I'm going to have to get a few more now. Yikes! But at least we found the bottle that works, and we can stop trying all of the other ones. And at least he eats a full 4 oz. with this one, and without burning a ton of energy in the process. :)
Monday, January 12, 2009
Happy Anniversa-month, Ethan!
I can hardly believe it's already been one month since he was born. And I can't believe I'm still having such a hard time saying his name; instead I say "the baby" or "Baby," because I just haven't gotten used to his name yet. Maybe it's because he's so small yet; he just doesn't seem big enough for a full name, for some reason. I remember we felt the same way about my niece Leila; she seemed too small for her name at first. Or maybe it's we who are too small; we can't see the huge personality tucked inside that tiny body, and we simply see an "infant" instead. I know that I will eventually become accustomed to saying "Ethan"... I probably just need to say it more often (practice makes perfect, right?).
It's strange... sometimes, when I look at him, I am amazed all over again that he's here, that we actually have a child, that I'm finally a mom, that I am responsible for this little human being now. But then, other times, it seems like he has always been here, has always been part of the fabric of our lives, woven in between us and through us and impossible to disentangle... That's actually what I feel most of the time. People keep asking me "Wow, can you believe you're actually a mom now?" But I think it's really their own feelings of shock that they are trying to get at, not mine. I think that must be why we have 40 weeks of pregnancy-- so that we can get used to the idea of parenthood slowly, daily, bit by bit, until it becomes such a natural thing that you don't even notice when it became a permanent part of you.
I never knew it would be like this, that's for sure; this feeling of everything being so right, so sure, so complete. He has only been here with us-- on his own, I mean, out of the womb-- for one month, but I can't imagine my life without him. I don't know what I would do without him around; I don't think I'll ever be able to hear another story about a parent losing a child without losing it. He was so dear to me while I was pregnant, but now that I can see his face, feel his warm little body pressed up against me, touch his delicate hands and feet, and hear him making those little grunts and sighs that babies make, he is even more precious to me-- if that's possible. What did I do to deserve this beautiful boy? I feel so honored to have the chance to be his mother... I just hope I can give him everything that he deserves, and be the kind of mom he needs.
On that somewhat sappy note, I'll sign out. :)
It's strange... sometimes, when I look at him, I am amazed all over again that he's here, that we actually have a child, that I'm finally a mom, that I am responsible for this little human being now. But then, other times, it seems like he has always been here, has always been part of the fabric of our lives, woven in between us and through us and impossible to disentangle... That's actually what I feel most of the time. People keep asking me "Wow, can you believe you're actually a mom now?" But I think it's really their own feelings of shock that they are trying to get at, not mine. I think that must be why we have 40 weeks of pregnancy-- so that we can get used to the idea of parenthood slowly, daily, bit by bit, until it becomes such a natural thing that you don't even notice when it became a permanent part of you.
I never knew it would be like this, that's for sure; this feeling of everything being so right, so sure, so complete. He has only been here with us-- on his own, I mean, out of the womb-- for one month, but I can't imagine my life without him. I don't know what I would do without him around; I don't think I'll ever be able to hear another story about a parent losing a child without losing it. He was so dear to me while I was pregnant, but now that I can see his face, feel his warm little body pressed up against me, touch his delicate hands and feet, and hear him making those little grunts and sighs that babies make, he is even more precious to me-- if that's possible. What did I do to deserve this beautiful boy? I feel so honored to have the chance to be his mother... I just hope I can give him everything that he deserves, and be the kind of mom he needs.
On that somewhat sappy note, I'll sign out. :)
Saturday, January 10, 2009
What's the opposite of nursing, again?
Or as I like to call it, an exercise in frustration. It has been really disappointing to me that Ethan never wanted to nurse. He never latched on, despite multiple nurses and lactation consultants assisting, despite the nipple shield and the soothing music and variety of holds (football, crossover, side-lying, etc.), despite my fervent wish to be able to breastfeed... he just wasn't really interested. In fact, it was tough to get him latched on to the bottle sometimes! Still, even though I was sad that I missed out on that experience, there were some things I won't miss about it. Like engorgement, for instance, where your breasts feel like they've been stuffed full of heavy stones and then punched several times. Those also began to look like I was wearing the famed torpedo bra of the 1960s; ugh! I couldn't sleep on my side or hug anyone, my chest was so tender. I realized later (at a lactation consultant appointment) that they were so engorged because he wasn't nursing. The pump could only do so much to relieve that, too; I had to go the old-fashioned way with hot and cold compresses and pray for the best.
There was also the telltale feeling of "oh, I guess it's time to nurse/pump!", which was something like having electricity hooked up to your chest and then having the voltage slowly increase until you express milk one way or another. That was a doozy, especially when you started to realize that it was time to pump, but you were stuck somewhere public and far from home. Argh, the pain!
So maybe my boy was trying to help me out by refusing to nurse. Maybe he was doing me a favor, in some way... yeah, that's how I'm going to think of it from now on. ;)
There was also the telltale feeling of "oh, I guess it's time to nurse/pump!", which was something like having electricity hooked up to your chest and then having the voltage slowly increase until you express milk one way or another. That was a doozy, especially when you started to realize that it was time to pump, but you were stuck somewhere public and far from home. Argh, the pain!
So maybe my boy was trying to help me out by refusing to nurse. Maybe he was doing me a favor, in some way... yeah, that's how I'm going to think of it from now on. ;)
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
Gaining Weight-- Finally!
I took Ethan in Monday to get weighed, and he's up to 7 pounds, 12 ounces. Then, at his doctor appointment today, he measured 7 pounds 14 ounces-- with his diaper on, but that pretty much confirms that he's around 7.12 lbs. Yay! Took him a little while, but he's on track, thank god. I'm so glad that he's gaining weight and eating well and just generally healthy. And what a calm baby, too; he's so zen about everything, a very laid-back kid. One more area where he takes after his dad, among the many others; I mean, he has his dad's eyes, eyebrows, chin; his dad's legs and his dad's wavy hair; he is really relaxed and doesn't seem to care much about eating, just like Joel. What is from me? His monkey toes, and the fact that his second toe is a smidgen longer than his big toe, just like me. Oh, and he might also have dimples; we are just starting to see his smiles, so that has yet to be confirmed, but I think I caught a glimpse of a dimple on his right cheek. Speaking of smiles and dimples, I can't wait to hear him laugh... how exciting life has become!
Friday, January 2, 2009
Bottle Update
The Nuk bottles aren't working for Ethan any more. In fact, I wonder if they ever were! We thought they were great because he kept his latch and didn't inhale quite as much air with them, but it was still taking 45 minutes to an hour just to drink 2 oz. of milk. We decided to try the Playtex slow-flow nipple with the drop-in liners, but those drop-ins require some sort of Masters Degree in engineering in order to keep them from sliding or bending to the point where the milk spills out everywhere. And then, even when the liners worked and the milk stayed in the bottle on the way up to him, he would end up spilling a ton out of his mouth while drinking-- our precious, valuable, priceless milk! Liquid gold! Stuff it took actual *work* to access, using the pump 8 times a day! As you can see, we didn't like the drop-ins. Hated 'em! So then we rigged up our own combination of parts-- it's a Gerber bottle with a Playtex slow-flow nipple. And it works wonders! He eats twice as much in half the time, and hardly spills anything out while drinking. Perfect! Now we just need to get more than one bottle...
UPDATE: I just found out that the 5 oz. Gerber bottle we love has been discontinued. Ugh! And we tried the Playtex VentAire (tilted bottle), but don't like it much. Guess we're back to the Gerber-Playtex combo, at least for now.
UPDATE: I just found out that the 5 oz. Gerber bottle we love has been discontinued. Ugh! And we tried the Playtex VentAire (tilted bottle), but don't like it much. Guess we're back to the Gerber-Playtex combo, at least for now.
Baby Feeding Update
As you may have noticed by my previous posts, we are on a different track with Ethan's feedings. In fact, we have just been on a different track this whole time, apparently! I really had a lot of expectations about this pregnancy and delivery, and things turned out very differently than I thought they would. During my pregnancy, I never got morning sickness, or gained a ton of weight, or got more emotional than usual (probably because I'm already so emotional!), or got major cravings, or ended up with stretch marks criss-crossing my abdomen, or anything like that... all the things I *thought* would happen, didn't. Then, towards the end, the things I never thought I'd have to go through happened-- the constant bleeding, the urgent visits to the Family Birthing Center, the emergency C-section, and then, after all that, my baby didn't seem to want to nurse. How could that happen? I was going to breastfeed my baby, no matter what! And then he was born, and just was not interested at all. In the hospital, it was actually getting scary for a few days there, because he was refusing to eat, and the nurses were adamant that I breastfeed-- even though he refused, and would end up very distressed, crying, red-faced, and shaking, every time we tried.
I had my own crying bout, because I was so sad and disappointed that it just wasn't working, and (silly though it might sound) really felt like I was just a failure as a mom so far. First, I couldn't give birth, and now I couldn't breastfeed. I felt like I was going to miss out on everything that "motherhood" means. Joel tried to stay positive, but ended up having to bluntly tell me to get over it, because my negativity wasn't helping things at all. And after a long, hot shower in the hospital room, I finally started to feel more at peace about the situation. Neither of us, in the end, cared about how he got fed-- as long as he was getting food and gaining weight and staying healthy. Whether or not it came from me was immaterial, as long as he was doing well. And that really helped me come to grips with the feelings I had about missing out on the labor/delivery process and breastfeeding; the bottom line was, our son was alive and well because we had a C-section instead of vaginal birth, and now he was going to be able to thrive because of bottles rather than breastfeeding. In the end, that's all that matters.
We did go through several different attempts to get him to breastfeed, but it just isn't working. Either he doesn't stay latched long enough to get the amount of milk he needs, or he stays on so long that he's actually burning more calories than he takes in-- causing him to lose weight. At this point, we are pumping, giving him milk in a bottle, then supplementing with formula as necessary, around 8-10 times a day. I'll keep pumping as long as I can, but I doubt I'll be doing it once I go back to work. I still wish I could just feed him directly without having to do this pump-bottle process, because that would be so much easier, but the cool thing about bottle-feeding is that Joel gets to connect with the baby during meal-time, too, not just me. Not to mention the fact that Joel also can get up by and go feed the baby whether I'm there (or awake!) or not. So there are benefits to bottle-feeding... and I'm sure one day I'll get over the fact that I didn't get to breastfeed. One day. /:)
I had my own crying bout, because I was so sad and disappointed that it just wasn't working, and (silly though it might sound) really felt like I was just a failure as a mom so far. First, I couldn't give birth, and now I couldn't breastfeed. I felt like I was going to miss out on everything that "motherhood" means. Joel tried to stay positive, but ended up having to bluntly tell me to get over it, because my negativity wasn't helping things at all. And after a long, hot shower in the hospital room, I finally started to feel more at peace about the situation. Neither of us, in the end, cared about how he got fed-- as long as he was getting food and gaining weight and staying healthy. Whether or not it came from me was immaterial, as long as he was doing well. And that really helped me come to grips with the feelings I had about missing out on the labor/delivery process and breastfeeding; the bottom line was, our son was alive and well because we had a C-section instead of vaginal birth, and now he was going to be able to thrive because of bottles rather than breastfeeding. In the end, that's all that matters.
We did go through several different attempts to get him to breastfeed, but it just isn't working. Either he doesn't stay latched long enough to get the amount of milk he needs, or he stays on so long that he's actually burning more calories than he takes in-- causing him to lose weight. At this point, we are pumping, giving him milk in a bottle, then supplementing with formula as necessary, around 8-10 times a day. I'll keep pumping as long as I can, but I doubt I'll be doing it once I go back to work. I still wish I could just feed him directly without having to do this pump-bottle process, because that would be so much easier, but the cool thing about bottle-feeding is that Joel gets to connect with the baby during meal-time, too, not just me. Not to mention the fact that Joel also can get up by and go feed the baby whether I'm there (or awake!) or not. So there are benefits to bottle-feeding... and I'm sure one day I'll get over the fact that I didn't get to breastfeed. One day. /:)
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Two Weeks Old
Today Ethan hit a milestone-- two weeks old! He was weighed at our nursing appointment, and has gone up to 6 lbs. 13 ounces. It's not where they wanted him to be at two weeks, which is at his birth weight (7 lbs 2 oz), but at least he's headed in the right direction. We think he might be having a little growth spurt right now, too, because he has been guzzling down milk to the point where we have to supplement with formula just to satisfy his hunger. He started off last week with 1-2 ounces per feeding, and eight feedings per day. Since this weekend, he's been gobbling up 2.5-4 ounces per feeding, and sometimes eats 9-10 times a day. Yikes! On the one hand, yahoo! Eat up, boy! On the other hand, mom needs some sleep, kid! Which is why we have a daddy around, I guess...
Saturday, December 27, 2008
Baby Stuff: Love, Hate, Want
Now that we are new parents, we are starting to get a feel for what we like and what we don't like in regards to baby supplies and strategies. Here is the beginning of a list of what has/hasn't worked for us:
WHAT WE LOVE:
-- Newborn diapers with an indicator stripe that changes from yellow to green when moisture hits it. Makes diaper checking so much easier, because you don't have to open the diaper or stick your finger in to check for wetness! Huggies "Gentle Care" Newborn diapers are what we've been using; found them at Target.
-- Stroller Frame that fits infant carseats: Several manufacturers make these (Graco Snugrider, Kolcraft Universal, etc.), and they are awesome-- very lightweight, easily fold up and store (only a few inches tall when folded), and the perfect item for a mom who is dealing with post-surgery pains and has a hard time lifting those giant seat & stroller systems.
-- Kimono-style onesies: These are great because they don't need to be pulled over baby's head, they just snap around him. Pulling shirts/onesies on over a newborn's floppy neck is a heart attack waiting to happen, because the whole time you're convinced you're going to paralyze him, so these help you avoid that problem. Ours also had the folding "mittens" at the end of each sleeve to help baby avoid scratching his face.
-- Zippered footie sleepers: Again, zippers help avoid the whole snap on/snap off deal. Very convenient, and the fleecey ones are perfect for winter babies.
-- Cucumber-green tea baby wipes, by Huggies. Our absolute fave! They smell delicious, stay nice and moist, and come in an awesome "pop-up" box. Our sister & brother-in-law just brought us a giant pack from Costco, and it's a lifesaver because we go through them like there's no tomorrow. (PS-- Also very useful for the bathroom, kitchen, car, etc.)
-- For winter babies, long-sleeved/long-legged outfits that convert from "pants" style to "sack" style. For this outfit, you can either button the legs separately and then put socks on baby, or button the legs together in front and back to make a sack-style outfit. The sack is nice for diaper changes, because you just slide it up his body when the time comes, no snapping/unsnapping necessary.
-- Boppy pillow for feeding: This thing is a lifesaver. Sure, you could use a couch or bed pillow, but the Boppy is contoured to fit around your body better, and is a bit firmer to help keep baby propped up correctly for feeding.
-- Footstool for feeding: Again, your knees need to be lifted up a bit higher to prop up baby closer for feeding. A short footstool is perfect.
-- Nuk bottles. We tried several bottles, but for these first few weeks, the Nuk works best for us. Later we may go over to the Playtex bottles with liners, but the Nuk is the only one he can drink from right now without spilling out milk everywhere or losing his latch on the nipple. (Bought from Wal-mart, the only place we could find them.)
-- The small-size diaper bag. Perfect for short visits to the store or mall, when you don't need to carry around a million items. Save the big bags for day-trips or weekend visits, they're way too bulky to deal with on a daily basis.
-- Fisher-Price Infant-to-Toddler Rocker: There’s a foldout kickstand that allows you to stabilize the seat for feeding or sleeping, and then you can tuck it back underneath to use as a rocker. It has a vibration mode and a detachable toy ring with musical pull toy included. Later, when he's a toddler, it can be used as a rocking chair. Pretty cool-- we are using it a lot lately when we need some hands-free time.
WHAT WE DON'T LIKE:
-- Onesies or shirts that have to slip over his head. As a newborn, at least; dealing with that floppy neck is a nightmare, so we avoid it as much as possible.
-- Bibs with cute designs, but no absorbency: Better to use a terry-cloth type bib, or a small hand-towel/washcloth tucked around his neck. Those will have much better absorbency and won't let the milk (or spit-up) slide right off the surface and down across you and baby.
-- Socks for newborns: They just don't stay on! The best kind have a significant amount of elastic, but even those aren't staying on our boy's little ankles.
WHAT WE WISH WE HAD:
-- Our own Medela electric double-sided breast pump: We are renting one from the hospital for now, and love it. Wish we could afford our own, but those buggers are expensive! I hadn't planned on having to pump so much, but since Ethan is having a tough time latching on and breastfeeding, we are pumping 8 times a day and feeding him that milk. That much pumping means you really need a top-quality pump at home. Best idea is to rent one from the hospital and then see if you're going to need it; ours is $20/week to rent it from Memorial, which is better than spending $280 for your own pump before you know if you'll need it that much or that often.
-- Baby Bjorn or other infant carrier: We love to keep him next to us, but want to be able to do some hands-on activities at the same time. A carrier would be nice, especially because that carseat gets pretty darn heavy after awhile. I'm glad we waited until after he was born, though, because I think it's important to be able to "try out" the carrier first, with baby inside, before making such a purchase. We plan on going to the second-hand children's stores to check out which type we like best before buying.
-- More sleep! The most difficult part of all of this has been lack of sleep. The most helpful gift someone could give new parents is to come over and help out during the day sometime to give them a break-- do some dishes, help with laundry, clean up a bit, maybe take on one bottle feeding (with mom's milk, if possible) during the day to give mom a break and a chance to sleep for at least 3-4 hours straight through... Sleep is the most precious commodity during those first few weeks, and any way you could help give new parents a couple of hours at a time, you would be doing them the biggest favor possible!
-- Massage for mom or dad. The upper back/neck gets sooo sore from feeding baby and bending over so much. We think this would be an awesome baby shower gift for a new parent!
That's all I could think of so far. I'm sure I'll come up with more things as we go along, and I'll add it as we go.
WHAT WE LOVE:
-- Newborn diapers with an indicator stripe that changes from yellow to green when moisture hits it. Makes diaper checking so much easier, because you don't have to open the diaper or stick your finger in to check for wetness! Huggies "Gentle Care" Newborn diapers are what we've been using; found them at Target.
-- Stroller Frame that fits infant carseats: Several manufacturers make these (Graco Snugrider, Kolcraft Universal, etc.), and they are awesome-- very lightweight, easily fold up and store (only a few inches tall when folded), and the perfect item for a mom who is dealing with post-surgery pains and has a hard time lifting those giant seat & stroller systems.
-- Kimono-style onesies: These are great because they don't need to be pulled over baby's head, they just snap around him. Pulling shirts/onesies on over a newborn's floppy neck is a heart attack waiting to happen, because the whole time you're convinced you're going to paralyze him, so these help you avoid that problem. Ours also had the folding "mittens" at the end of each sleeve to help baby avoid scratching his face.
-- Zippered footie sleepers: Again, zippers help avoid the whole snap on/snap off deal. Very convenient, and the fleecey ones are perfect for winter babies.
-- Cucumber-green tea baby wipes, by Huggies. Our absolute fave! They smell delicious, stay nice and moist, and come in an awesome "pop-up" box. Our sister & brother-in-law just brought us a giant pack from Costco, and it's a lifesaver because we go through them like there's no tomorrow. (PS-- Also very useful for the bathroom, kitchen, car, etc.)
-- For winter babies, long-sleeved/long-legged outfits that convert from "pants" style to "sack" style. For this outfit, you can either button the legs separately and then put socks on baby, or button the legs together in front and back to make a sack-style outfit. The sack is nice for diaper changes, because you just slide it up his body when the time comes, no snapping/unsnapping necessary.
-- Boppy pillow for feeding: This thing is a lifesaver. Sure, you could use a couch or bed pillow, but the Boppy is contoured to fit around your body better, and is a bit firmer to help keep baby propped up correctly for feeding.
-- Footstool for feeding: Again, your knees need to be lifted up a bit higher to prop up baby closer for feeding. A short footstool is perfect.
-- Nuk bottles. We tried several bottles, but for these first few weeks, the Nuk works best for us. Later we may go over to the Playtex bottles with liners, but the Nuk is the only one he can drink from right now without spilling out milk everywhere or losing his latch on the nipple. (Bought from Wal-mart, the only place we could find them.)
-- The small-size diaper bag. Perfect for short visits to the store or mall, when you don't need to carry around a million items. Save the big bags for day-trips or weekend visits, they're way too bulky to deal with on a daily basis.
-- Fisher-Price Infant-to-Toddler Rocker: There’s a foldout kickstand that allows you to stabilize the seat for feeding or sleeping, and then you can tuck it back underneath to use as a rocker. It has a vibration mode and a detachable toy ring with musical pull toy included. Later, when he's a toddler, it can be used as a rocking chair. Pretty cool-- we are using it a lot lately when we need some hands-free time.
WHAT WE DON'T LIKE:
-- Onesies or shirts that have to slip over his head. As a newborn, at least; dealing with that floppy neck is a nightmare, so we avoid it as much as possible.
-- Bibs with cute designs, but no absorbency: Better to use a terry-cloth type bib, or a small hand-towel/washcloth tucked around his neck. Those will have much better absorbency and won't let the milk (or spit-up) slide right off the surface and down across you and baby.
-- Socks for newborns: They just don't stay on! The best kind have a significant amount of elastic, but even those aren't staying on our boy's little ankles.
WHAT WE WISH WE HAD:
-- Our own Medela electric double-sided breast pump: We are renting one from the hospital for now, and love it. Wish we could afford our own, but those buggers are expensive! I hadn't planned on having to pump so much, but since Ethan is having a tough time latching on and breastfeeding, we are pumping 8 times a day and feeding him that milk. That much pumping means you really need a top-quality pump at home. Best idea is to rent one from the hospital and then see if you're going to need it; ours is $20/week to rent it from Memorial, which is better than spending $280 for your own pump before you know if you'll need it that much or that often.
-- Baby Bjorn or other infant carrier: We love to keep him next to us, but want to be able to do some hands-on activities at the same time. A carrier would be nice, especially because that carseat gets pretty darn heavy after awhile. I'm glad we waited until after he was born, though, because I think it's important to be able to "try out" the carrier first, with baby inside, before making such a purchase. We plan on going to the second-hand children's stores to check out which type we like best before buying.
-- More sleep! The most difficult part of all of this has been lack of sleep. The most helpful gift someone could give new parents is to come over and help out during the day sometime to give them a break-- do some dishes, help with laundry, clean up a bit, maybe take on one bottle feeding (with mom's milk, if possible) during the day to give mom a break and a chance to sleep for at least 3-4 hours straight through... Sleep is the most precious commodity during those first few weeks, and any way you could help give new parents a couple of hours at a time, you would be doing them the biggest favor possible!
-- Massage for mom or dad. The upper back/neck gets sooo sore from feeding baby and bending over so much. We think this would be an awesome baby shower gift for a new parent!
That's all I could think of so far. I'm sure I'll come up with more things as we go along, and I'll add it as we go.
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
Ethan's First Doctor Visit
I took him in to meet his Pediatrician, Dr. Truscello, today. He measured well, and then the minute I got him onto the doctor’s table to change him, he decided to baptize the area. And boy, can he store a lot of liquid in that body! I was so embarrassed, and felt totally unprepared—even with my diaper bag, I felt like I needed an extra 2 or 3 hands to get everything taken care of correctly. Luckily, the doctor was running a bit late, so I had time to do a hasty clean-up before she arrived. At least the baby wasn’t dripping wet for his first meeting with the doc! She seemed very nice, and concerned about all of the troubles I’d been experiencing. And then she did his exam, and started saying “Hmm…” while staring at and gently stroking his chest/rib cage.
I started to get a little nervous. She says “Did anyone order a chest x-ray in the hospital?” My heart dropped. I said no, and she pointed out that his chest area seems a bit smaller than it should be; I agree, it seems small—he looks like a little Ethiopian baby, with this tiny rib cage and full belly area. I thought it was just how babies look sometimes, though. Apparently not. She ordered a chest x-ray and asked me to go over and get it done immediately after leaving her office. Good lord, anything else?? Um, yes. She also takes a look at his face and says “Maybe part of the reason he’s been having trouble latching on while breastfeeding is because he has a slightly recessed jaw.” Oy. I mean, I have a definite overbite, but a recessed jaw? I thought it looked pretty normal, but then she *is* a pediatrician…
Anyway, I took him in for the x-ray, trying not to let my mind race around the possibilities (a disorder? a genetic condition? Problems with his internal organs?), and they told me they’d get the results by Wednesday. Oh, good! Only one whole day and night to think about what could be going wrong with my brand new baby… In my stupidity, I went online and looked up information about babies born with narrow chests; wow, was that a mistake. All it does is give a worrying mind more ammo for their neurotic anxieties. It’s like having a DSM-IV or a Physician’s Desk Reference around; you’re bound to find a diagnosis to fit almost any symptom you have, which just makes it all seem even worse than it is. Well, the next morning I was feeding Ethan when the answering machine picked up a phone call from my doctor’s office. She said that the x-ray did not pick up any abnormalities, and that he looked great, and wished us all a happy Christmas. I just started crying and crying, so happy that his x-rays turned out good and that we can stop worrying about it. I said some prayers of gratitude and kissed him all over. Hey, I have to shower him with affection while I can, before he grows up and turns into one of those kids who says “Come on, mom, quit it!” whenever I try to love on him.
I started to get a little nervous. She says “Did anyone order a chest x-ray in the hospital?” My heart dropped. I said no, and she pointed out that his chest area seems a bit smaller than it should be; I agree, it seems small—he looks like a little Ethiopian baby, with this tiny rib cage and full belly area. I thought it was just how babies look sometimes, though. Apparently not. She ordered a chest x-ray and asked me to go over and get it done immediately after leaving her office. Good lord, anything else?? Um, yes. She also takes a look at his face and says “Maybe part of the reason he’s been having trouble latching on while breastfeeding is because he has a slightly recessed jaw.” Oy. I mean, I have a definite overbite, but a recessed jaw? I thought it looked pretty normal, but then she *is* a pediatrician…
Anyway, I took him in for the x-ray, trying not to let my mind race around the possibilities (a disorder? a genetic condition? Problems with his internal organs?), and they told me they’d get the results by Wednesday. Oh, good! Only one whole day and night to think about what could be going wrong with my brand new baby… In my stupidity, I went online and looked up information about babies born with narrow chests; wow, was that a mistake. All it does is give a worrying mind more ammo for their neurotic anxieties. It’s like having a DSM-IV or a Physician’s Desk Reference around; you’re bound to find a diagnosis to fit almost any symptom you have, which just makes it all seem even worse than it is. Well, the next morning I was feeding Ethan when the answering machine picked up a phone call from my doctor’s office. She said that the x-ray did not pick up any abnormalities, and that he looked great, and wished us all a happy Christmas. I just started crying and crying, so happy that his x-rays turned out good and that we can stop worrying about it. I said some prayers of gratitude and kissed him all over. Hey, I have to shower him with affection while I can, before he grows up and turns into one of those kids who says “Come on, mom, quit it!” whenever I try to love on him.
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
Naming the Baby…
After the baby was born, we had to come up with a name. It took a few days, but we managed to decide on Ethan Noel. Ethan had been one of Joel’s favorite names, but I had been reluctant to use it because of its poularity—I didn’t want our son to be the 9th Ethan in his class. We were actually going back and forth between Colin and Isaac for a long time,and I thought we had settled on Isaac Cruz just before we went in to the hospital. But then I mentioned that someone said we should name him with the intials EZE, and Joel was hooked. In the hospital, it came down to run-off between ICE (Isaac Cruz) and EZE (Ethan Zachary)... but I couldn’t do it. I thought it was cute to have a fun name, but not so much for a real name. I didn’t want to be one of those annoying parents who names their kid something “funny” or “cute” and it ends up with both the kid and the parents regretting it.
Anyway, we debated about it back and forth several times, and even filled out the birth certificate with "Ethan Zachary", but when I thought about turning it in, I just couldn't let it go. We ended up choosing Noel, which was one of our original favorite middle names, partly because I really liked the way it sounded paired with Ethan, and partly because Christmas was so near, and partly because it is similar to Joel—his daddy’s name. (Both are pronounced similarly; Jo-el, No-el). And he is truly our miracle baby, and the best Christmas gift I could have ever received, so it all comes together rather nicely, I think. :)
Anyway, we debated about it back and forth several times, and even filled out the birth certificate with "Ethan Zachary", but when I thought about turning it in, I just couldn't let it go. We ended up choosing Noel, which was one of our original favorite middle names, partly because I really liked the way it sounded paired with Ethan, and partly because Christmas was so near, and partly because it is similar to Joel—his daddy’s name. (Both are pronounced similarly; Jo-el, No-el). And he is truly our miracle baby, and the best Christmas gift I could have ever received, so it all comes together rather nicely, I think. :)
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
First Baby Feeding Attempts
The first few days after Ethan’s birth were a bit of a blur. We were in the hospital from Monday morning through Thursday evening, partially because I was having so much pain from the surgery and wasn’t walking as easily as they wanted, but mainly because Ethan wasn’t doing so hot. Like a lot of “early” babies, he doesn’t quite have the feeding reflexes down yet. He had a really hard time opening up his mouth at first; he would just clench his gums together until forced to open them. Then, he would arch his tongue up to the roof of his mouth, which makes feeding basically impossible. Breastfeeding was definitely not working… the nurses would end up taking him to the nursery to feed him, giving him formula using a variety of methods (through a tube taped to the fingertip, by cup, by bottle, etc.).
It was the most stressful scenario I could imagine; trying to feed the baby while nurses are basically forcing his head onto me in an attempt to get him to latch; knowing I wasn’t able to give him sustenance; hearing every day that he was losing too much weight and appeared to be getting dehydrated; and all while trying to recover from the surgery. It was too much! Joel and I were both stressing out, and trying our best not to take it out on each other. I felt like I had already missed out on labor and delivery, and now it looked like I wasn’t going to be able to breastfeed, either. Both of us were getting tired of trying with no results, and just wanted him to get food inside him, even if it meant we would be using formula and bottles from this day forward. It didn’t matter, as long as he was getting what he needed to be healthy.
But, a week later, he seems to be doing much better. We went to several appointments with the lactation nurses at the breastfeeding consultation center near Memorial, and he’s starting to get the hang of feeding. It helps that my milk finally came in, and he has an easier time with that than with the colostrum. I’ve also been using the Medela double-pump that we rented from the hospital, in order to build up milk for use in those middle of the night feedings. We feed him from me first, then from stored milk, and then as a last resort have Enfamil formula in case we need it. For now, he appears to be starting to gain weight, finally—at his doctor appointment on Tuesday 12/23, he had gone up to 6.9 lb—so apparently we’re on the right track!
It was the most stressful scenario I could imagine; trying to feed the baby while nurses are basically forcing his head onto me in an attempt to get him to latch; knowing I wasn’t able to give him sustenance; hearing every day that he was losing too much weight and appeared to be getting dehydrated; and all while trying to recover from the surgery. It was too much! Joel and I were both stressing out, and trying our best not to take it out on each other. I felt like I had already missed out on labor and delivery, and now it looked like I wasn’t going to be able to breastfeed, either. Both of us were getting tired of trying with no results, and just wanted him to get food inside him, even if it meant we would be using formula and bottles from this day forward. It didn’t matter, as long as he was getting what he needed to be healthy.
But, a week later, he seems to be doing much better. We went to several appointments with the lactation nurses at the breastfeeding consultation center near Memorial, and he’s starting to get the hang of feeding. It helps that my milk finally came in, and he has an easier time with that than with the colostrum. I’ve also been using the Medela double-pump that we rented from the hospital, in order to build up milk for use in those middle of the night feedings. We feed him from me first, then from stored milk, and then as a last resort have Enfamil formula in case we need it. For now, he appears to be starting to gain weight, finally—at his doctor appointment on Tuesday 12/23, he had gone up to 6.9 lb—so apparently we’re on the right track!
Monday, December 15, 2008
Ethan's Birth Story: December 15, 2008
Part 1: The Beginning…
On Monday, December 15th, I was feeling a bit yucky and decided to take a nice, warm shower at around 10:15 to try to feel better. Unfortunately, I didn’t end up feeling better, because halfway through my shower I noticed vivid red blood streaming down and swirling inside the tub. My heart dropped—more bleeding? Again?? And this time, it seemed worse, somehow—it just wouldn’t stop, and it was much scarier. We hurriedly called the Family Birthing Center and drove over to get checked out. To keep my mind busy, I was thinking of a few totally off-topic and trivial things—like, “Man, I didn’t get a chance to do my hair before we left home” and “The ground beef that just defrosted in the fridge will need to be cooked soon” and so on. We even sent Joel out to go pay a bill and drop off a check just a few minutes after I got admitted to the Birthing Center, which shows either how much denial we were in, or how much we were buying the doctor’s usual “this is a totally typical pregnancy!” spiel.
Once I got admitted, the nurses noticed that I was still bleeding quite a bit, and called my doctor to come check things out. He finally arrived at around 12:30 and did a pelvic exam. He could feel the cervix finally dilating, but also noticed that the placenta was covering the cervix—unless it was a large blood clot, of course. Oh, great! From bad to worse. He could also feel the baby’s head, but was concerned about the amount of blood I was losing and the fact that the placenta was apparently detaching (Placental Abruption). He felt that inducing labor and attempting a vaginal delivery could be dangerous, so he said he wanted to do a C-Section instead just to be safe. I agreed, so he looked at the nurse and asks “How soon can we get her in; is 1:30 okay?” At this point, by the way, it’s 1:00 p.m. The anesthesiologist wasn’t free until 2:00 p.m., so he agreed to wait until 2:00 for the surgery. Considering that it took them half an hour to get me prepped for surgery, I started to get a sense of urgency about this whole situation. That’s because, as I found out later, it was considered an emergency C-section.
I was so overwhelmed with how suddenly things were happening… and all while my husband is out paying bills! My brain felt incapable of processing what was going on. I called Joel and told him to hurry back, then made a few phone calls and sent some texts to update the “phone tree” and let everyone know what was going on. And then I cried. This was not part of the plan!
Plan or not, they prepped us for the C-section. I got a lovely blue cap for my hair, an IV (hey, this one didn’t blow a vein, at least!), and then they took me in for the epidural… yowza. They laid me down on a surgical bed with my arms angled out from my body, like a maternity crucifix, or something equally strange… The epidural let me have the sensations of pressure and movement without feeling pain, which was somewhat like getting dental work done while numbed up—uncomfortable, lots of pressure, thoughts of “Oh my god what are they digging for in there”, etc. And then, after what seemed like forever but was only 12 minutes later, I heard it—the sound of my baby boy, crying loud and clear. The tears started immediately, just knowing he was safe and sound and finally here with us… I was smiling and crying, and then crying while I was smiling, and then laughing and crying… what an overwhelming moment. I knew I would lose it when I heard his voice! Joel was there the whole time, comforting me and taking pictures and video when he could; he was much more involved than I’d expected. He even cut the cord, which I never thought would happen. I was so proud of him for stepping up and being a great support, right from the beginning. I knew he was going to be a great dad, but that he would be such an awesome partner in this adventure was an added blessing.
Part 2: Placental Abruption…
Just after the C-Section, I heard the doctor telling a nurse that it was definitely a placental abruption—a chronic abruption. The next morning, in a haze of pain and meds and lack of sleep, I asked him about it. He confirmed that the placental abruption appeared to have been happening for some time now. The placenta had apparently been tearing away from the uterus little by little; when that happens, it causes bleeding, sharp pains every so often, and even contractions. All of the symptoms, of course, that I’d been bringing up for the past month. Luckily, the placenta was very low in the uterus, and the abruption (tearing away) was taking place low enough to allow blood to slowly drain out rather than building up and causing even more tearing away, which could have lead to a sudden/critical abruption. If that had happened, the majority of the placenta tears away from the uterus and there is a markedly increased chance of hemorrhage and fetal/maternal death. So, all of the bleeding I’d been experiencing since mid-November *did* have a cause, and wasn’t really cervical bleeding or “normal” bleeding, as my doctor had been saying. Ah, vindication! But not really the way I wanted it.
When I got home from the hospital, I did some research about placental abruption. It’s pretty uncommon (less than 1% of births), and even mild/low grade abruptions are highly dangerous for mom and baby— fetal mortality rates are as high as 40%, and maternal mortality can be anywhere from 10-25%. When you “Google” abruptions, you are directed to blogs and comment boards all over the web where women write about losing their babies after an abruption… some of them happening at term (40 weeks) during a regular labor, others happening earlier in pregnancy. Knowing how close I was to losing this baby makes me feel 100 times as blessed to have this child with us today; he could so easily have not survived, and I wouldn’t be listening to him sigh in the bassinet right now. But this also makes me wonder if things could have happened a little differently if my doctor had been more aggressive or proactive when I started having problems with bleeding in mid-November. Instead, he was very laid-back and fairly dismissive of my concerns (“Oh, that’s normal in pregnancy… The bleeding is old blood, probably caused by cervical changes..” etc.). … It really bothers me to think that we were so close to losing this baby. We are just so very lucky to have our son here, healthy and happy and doing well.
Uterine Damage?
Anyway, after explaining how I was unlucky to have had an abruption but lucky to have that specific kind rather than the sudden abruption, the doctor then says “We also found some necrotic uterine tissue, which was strange… I didn’t expect that.” Not what I wanted to hear while laying back in a fog of pain pills and fatigue, trying to process the fact that (a) I have a newborn, (b) I had an abruption that luckily didn’t go bad, and (c) now my doctor is telling me I also had necrotic uterine tissue?? I was too in shock to ask him about it, and he left almost immediately after that anyway. The next day I brought it up, and he said that he excicsed the necrotic tissue and sent it in to Pathology for assessment. Now I’m worried about what this means in terms of future pregnancies… how could this affect my chances of carrying another child in a year or so? *sigh*
On Monday, December 15th, I was feeling a bit yucky and decided to take a nice, warm shower at around 10:15 to try to feel better. Unfortunately, I didn’t end up feeling better, because halfway through my shower I noticed vivid red blood streaming down and swirling inside the tub. My heart dropped—more bleeding? Again?? And this time, it seemed worse, somehow—it just wouldn’t stop, and it was much scarier. We hurriedly called the Family Birthing Center and drove over to get checked out. To keep my mind busy, I was thinking of a few totally off-topic and trivial things—like, “Man, I didn’t get a chance to do my hair before we left home” and “The ground beef that just defrosted in the fridge will need to be cooked soon” and so on. We even sent Joel out to go pay a bill and drop off a check just a few minutes after I got admitted to the Birthing Center, which shows either how much denial we were in, or how much we were buying the doctor’s usual “this is a totally typical pregnancy!” spiel.
Once I got admitted, the nurses noticed that I was still bleeding quite a bit, and called my doctor to come check things out. He finally arrived at around 12:30 and did a pelvic exam. He could feel the cervix finally dilating, but also noticed that the placenta was covering the cervix—unless it was a large blood clot, of course. Oh, great! From bad to worse. He could also feel the baby’s head, but was concerned about the amount of blood I was losing and the fact that the placenta was apparently detaching (Placental Abruption). He felt that inducing labor and attempting a vaginal delivery could be dangerous, so he said he wanted to do a C-Section instead just to be safe. I agreed, so he looked at the nurse and asks “How soon can we get her in; is 1:30 okay?” At this point, by the way, it’s 1:00 p.m. The anesthesiologist wasn’t free until 2:00 p.m., so he agreed to wait until 2:00 for the surgery. Considering that it took them half an hour to get me prepped for surgery, I started to get a sense of urgency about this whole situation. That’s because, as I found out later, it was considered an emergency C-section.
I was so overwhelmed with how suddenly things were happening… and all while my husband is out paying bills! My brain felt incapable of processing what was going on. I called Joel and told him to hurry back, then made a few phone calls and sent some texts to update the “phone tree” and let everyone know what was going on. And then I cried. This was not part of the plan!
Plan or not, they prepped us for the C-section. I got a lovely blue cap for my hair, an IV (hey, this one didn’t blow a vein, at least!), and then they took me in for the epidural… yowza. They laid me down on a surgical bed with my arms angled out from my body, like a maternity crucifix, or something equally strange… The epidural let me have the sensations of pressure and movement without feeling pain, which was somewhat like getting dental work done while numbed up—uncomfortable, lots of pressure, thoughts of “Oh my god what are they digging for in there”, etc. And then, after what seemed like forever but was only 12 minutes later, I heard it—the sound of my baby boy, crying loud and clear. The tears started immediately, just knowing he was safe and sound and finally here with us… I was smiling and crying, and then crying while I was smiling, and then laughing and crying… what an overwhelming moment. I knew I would lose it when I heard his voice! Joel was there the whole time, comforting me and taking pictures and video when he could; he was much more involved than I’d expected. He even cut the cord, which I never thought would happen. I was so proud of him for stepping up and being a great support, right from the beginning. I knew he was going to be a great dad, but that he would be such an awesome partner in this adventure was an added blessing.
Part 2: Placental Abruption…
Just after the C-Section, I heard the doctor telling a nurse that it was definitely a placental abruption—a chronic abruption. The next morning, in a haze of pain and meds and lack of sleep, I asked him about it. He confirmed that the placental abruption appeared to have been happening for some time now. The placenta had apparently been tearing away from the uterus little by little; when that happens, it causes bleeding, sharp pains every so often, and even contractions. All of the symptoms, of course, that I’d been bringing up for the past month. Luckily, the placenta was very low in the uterus, and the abruption (tearing away) was taking place low enough to allow blood to slowly drain out rather than building up and causing even more tearing away, which could have lead to a sudden/critical abruption. If that had happened, the majority of the placenta tears away from the uterus and there is a markedly increased chance of hemorrhage and fetal/maternal death. So, all of the bleeding I’d been experiencing since mid-November *did* have a cause, and wasn’t really cervical bleeding or “normal” bleeding, as my doctor had been saying. Ah, vindication! But not really the way I wanted it.
When I got home from the hospital, I did some research about placental abruption. It’s pretty uncommon (less than 1% of births), and even mild/low grade abruptions are highly dangerous for mom and baby— fetal mortality rates are as high as 40%, and maternal mortality can be anywhere from 10-25%. When you “Google” abruptions, you are directed to blogs and comment boards all over the web where women write about losing their babies after an abruption… some of them happening at term (40 weeks) during a regular labor, others happening earlier in pregnancy. Knowing how close I was to losing this baby makes me feel 100 times as blessed to have this child with us today; he could so easily have not survived, and I wouldn’t be listening to him sigh in the bassinet right now. But this also makes me wonder if things could have happened a little differently if my doctor had been more aggressive or proactive when I started having problems with bleeding in mid-November. Instead, he was very laid-back and fairly dismissive of my concerns (“Oh, that’s normal in pregnancy… The bleeding is old blood, probably caused by cervical changes..” etc.). … It really bothers me to think that we were so close to losing this baby. We are just so very lucky to have our son here, healthy and happy and doing well.
Uterine Damage?
Anyway, after explaining how I was unlucky to have had an abruption but lucky to have that specific kind rather than the sudden abruption, the doctor then says “We also found some necrotic uterine tissue, which was strange… I didn’t expect that.” Not what I wanted to hear while laying back in a fog of pain pills and fatigue, trying to process the fact that (a) I have a newborn, (b) I had an abruption that luckily didn’t go bad, and (c) now my doctor is telling me I also had necrotic uterine tissue?? I was too in shock to ask him about it, and he left almost immediately after that anyway. The next day I brought it up, and he said that he excicsed the necrotic tissue and sent it in to Pathology for assessment. Now I’m worried about what this means in terms of future pregnancies… how could this affect my chances of carrying another child in a year or so? *sigh*
Thursday, December 11, 2008
Pregnancy: December 9-11
Tuesday, December 09, 2008
Last night, I had the absolute *worst* experience with the Family Birthing Center. It was so shocking to be treated the way I was treated, especially when we've had fairly positive interactions over the past few weeks... in fact, not only has it not been bad, it's been great-- the Nurses are typically very caring, responsive, and sensitive, and we usually end up feeling pretty good about our time spent at the FBC. Well, last night was different; and that was just over the phone!
I had been taking it easy since we got out of the FBC on Sunday, but at around 4:00 or so, I started to get this sharp, searing pain on the right side of my abdomen. It almost felt like my stomach was tearing open, or something. It wasn't completely debilitating, but it was enough that I didn't feel comfortable sitting up, so I laid down on the couch to ease the pain a bit. The tearing sensation would last a few minutes and then ease up, to just feel tender and sore in that area. Then, a bit later, it would start again. It happened on and off for the next few hours, before it occurred to me that this might be related to the problems I've been having recently. Of course, I hadn't seen any of the other things the doctor told me to watch out for (profuse bleeding, no fetal movement, increasing contractions/labor progressing), so I wasn't really sure what to do at that point. After some particularly sharp pains, I went in to use the bathroom at around 8:00 and noticed thick red blood, which was different from the weekend bleeding, but still a bit concerning to me. I mentioned that I'd call the doctor in the morning about it, but Joel told me to just call the FBC for some advice while he went out to fill up his tank. And that's where it all began...
I called the FBC, gave them my name and how far along I am (37 weeks as of today), and then they transferred me to a nurse to speak about what was happening. I felt a bit silly calling yet again, and I said so. What ensued was a conversation with the most rude, insensitive, negative health-care provider I've ever had contact with. Here's the conversation with the Nurse, as I recall:
Nurse: So, what's going on?
Me: Just to give you some history, I've been in & out of the Birthing Center for the past few weeks with bleeding and contractions, and I was just in there this weekend overnight for monitoring because my doctor was concerned about a possible placental abruption...
Nurse: When are you due?
Me: Three weeks.
Nurse: No, what is your due date? I need the actual date, the day you are due, not just "three weeks".
Me: Oh. December 31st.
Nurse: What baby is this for you?
Me: First.
Nurse: Look, hon, I can hardly hear you. Can you speak up, or put the phone closer to your mouth? What baby is this for you?
Me: MY FIRST BABY.
Nurse: Uh-huh. So, why are you calling in tonight?
Me: Well, I feel weird calling because they told me to call when I have major bleeding or contractions getting stronger, and I don't... but I have been feeling this sharp pain in my side...
Nurse: (Interrupting) Where on your side?
Me: To the right of my belly button, kind of going up and down...
Nurse: (Interrupting) Are you feeling the pain right now?
Me: Well, not as much, actually. It started at around 4:00 or 4:30, but it's been on & off... Sometimes, it was pretty strong, I told my husband it felt like my stomach was tearing open, but then it would go away and just be sore. I've been laying down for the past 1/2 hour, and it's feeling a little...
Nurse: (Interrupting) Okay, here's the thing--next time, you really need to call us when you're actually having the pains. It doesn't do us any good to call after they go away, because then you'll just come in here and we won't be able to see anything and we'll just end up sending you home again. Are you feeling the baby move?
Me: Uh, not as much lately, but the doctor said that's normal as we get closer to the due date. He's really been slowing down and not moving as much lately...
Nurse: (Interrupting) What does "lately" mean? That doesn't tell me anything. How long has it actually been since you felt him move?
Me: Uh, I'm not sure... it's hard to tell, sometimes. I can't really remember..."
Nurse: Okay, have you felt him move in the past half hour?
Me: Um, no...
Nurse: The past hour?
Me: I don't think so, I'm not sure...
Nurse: You're not sure? Do you even remember the last time you felt the baby move?
At this point, I was feeling so attacked and harrassed that I was about to start bawling my eyes out. I told her "Look, I'll call back when my husband gets home" and hung up the phone. And that's when I started crying and called Joel, all hysterical and upset about the way she was treating me on the phone. He was so ticked off! He came back and said that we should go in and complain to the supervising nurse, or at the very least to the doctor the next day, and that we shouldn't let this slide. Nobody deserves to be treated so rudely, but especially when it's a woman with a first-time pregnancy that has already had several complications... I mean, that's their job, right? To assist us, guide us, treat us, and support us medically while we try to get through pregnancy & labor successfully.
I still can't believe that she was so rude to me, and so harsh. I was only asking for advice and reassurance, nothing more. Anyway, I'm going to call in to my doctor and to the FBC this morning to (a) discuss what I was feeling physically yesterday, and (b) report what happened with that nurse. I only hope I don't have to endure dealing with her in the future! I mean, if she can singlehandedly turn me away from going in to the FBC, despite the fact that I might actually need to be in there, then how much more damage could she do when I'm really in labor? I could easily see this woman turning away women who should otherwise go in to the FBC, and thus making things even more scary, problematic, or possibly even dangerous for the pregnant mom and her baby. It's people like that woman who need to re-trained or just leave the field altogether; heck, if you're that unhappy, lady, go work somewhere else!
Thursday, December 11, 2008
Yesterday I spoke with the manager of the Birthing Center about my negative experience on Monday. She was very kind and understanding about the whole thing, and apologized several times that I was treated that way. She said that she would look into it and take care of things on her end, but wanted me to promise that I would call or come in if I ever felt concerned about the pregnancy or the baby. She said that she believes God gives pregnant women a special grace of becoming very knowledgeable about their own bodies... even more so than medical professionals, sometimes. She has been a nurse for 20 years, and said that she couldn't count the number of times a pregnant mom had told her "Something is wrong"-- even when doctors were assuring her that things were fine or couldn't tell anything was a problem via their initial assessments-- and they eventually found out that mom was right, not the physician. She said that I really needed to trust my instincts, and that if I felt something was really wrong, I should definitely just go straight in to the Birthing Center. I'm glad she said so, because at least someone was validating my "feelings" about how things were just not right with the bleeding and pains and so on. If only she were my doctor instead! /:)
I met with the doctor again today. Apparently I'm still not dilating, but still bleeding a lot. Just another waiting game, I guess. Can't wait for baby to get here!
Last night, I had the absolute *worst* experience with the Family Birthing Center. It was so shocking to be treated the way I was treated, especially when we've had fairly positive interactions over the past few weeks... in fact, not only has it not been bad, it's been great-- the Nurses are typically very caring, responsive, and sensitive, and we usually end up feeling pretty good about our time spent at the FBC. Well, last night was different; and that was just over the phone!
I had been taking it easy since we got out of the FBC on Sunday, but at around 4:00 or so, I started to get this sharp, searing pain on the right side of my abdomen. It almost felt like my stomach was tearing open, or something. It wasn't completely debilitating, but it was enough that I didn't feel comfortable sitting up, so I laid down on the couch to ease the pain a bit. The tearing sensation would last a few minutes and then ease up, to just feel tender and sore in that area. Then, a bit later, it would start again. It happened on and off for the next few hours, before it occurred to me that this might be related to the problems I've been having recently. Of course, I hadn't seen any of the other things the doctor told me to watch out for (profuse bleeding, no fetal movement, increasing contractions/labor progressing), so I wasn't really sure what to do at that point. After some particularly sharp pains, I went in to use the bathroom at around 8:00 and noticed thick red blood, which was different from the weekend bleeding, but still a bit concerning to me. I mentioned that I'd call the doctor in the morning about it, but Joel told me to just call the FBC for some advice while he went out to fill up his tank. And that's where it all began...
I called the FBC, gave them my name and how far along I am (37 weeks as of today), and then they transferred me to a nurse to speak about what was happening. I felt a bit silly calling yet again, and I said so. What ensued was a conversation with the most rude, insensitive, negative health-care provider I've ever had contact with. Here's the conversation with the Nurse, as I recall:
Nurse: So, what's going on?
Me: Just to give you some history, I've been in & out of the Birthing Center for the past few weeks with bleeding and contractions, and I was just in there this weekend overnight for monitoring because my doctor was concerned about a possible placental abruption...
Nurse: When are you due?
Me: Three weeks.
Nurse: No, what is your due date? I need the actual date, the day you are due, not just "three weeks".
Me: Oh. December 31st.
Nurse: What baby is this for you?
Me: First.
Nurse: Look, hon, I can hardly hear you. Can you speak up, or put the phone closer to your mouth? What baby is this for you?
Me: MY FIRST BABY.
Nurse: Uh-huh. So, why are you calling in tonight?
Me: Well, I feel weird calling because they told me to call when I have major bleeding or contractions getting stronger, and I don't... but I have been feeling this sharp pain in my side...
Nurse: (Interrupting) Where on your side?
Me: To the right of my belly button, kind of going up and down...
Nurse: (Interrupting) Are you feeling the pain right now?
Me: Well, not as much, actually. It started at around 4:00 or 4:30, but it's been on & off... Sometimes, it was pretty strong, I told my husband it felt like my stomach was tearing open, but then it would go away and just be sore. I've been laying down for the past 1/2 hour, and it's feeling a little...
Nurse: (Interrupting) Okay, here's the thing--next time, you really need to call us when you're actually having the pains. It doesn't do us any good to call after they go away, because then you'll just come in here and we won't be able to see anything and we'll just end up sending you home again. Are you feeling the baby move?
Me: Uh, not as much lately, but the doctor said that's normal as we get closer to the due date. He's really been slowing down and not moving as much lately...
Nurse: (Interrupting) What does "lately" mean? That doesn't tell me anything. How long has it actually been since you felt him move?
Me: Uh, I'm not sure... it's hard to tell, sometimes. I can't really remember..."
Nurse: Okay, have you felt him move in the past half hour?
Me: Um, no...
Nurse: The past hour?
Me: I don't think so, I'm not sure...
Nurse: You're not sure? Do you even remember the last time you felt the baby move?
At this point, I was feeling so attacked and harrassed that I was about to start bawling my eyes out. I told her "Look, I'll call back when my husband gets home" and hung up the phone. And that's when I started crying and called Joel, all hysterical and upset about the way she was treating me on the phone. He was so ticked off! He came back and said that we should go in and complain to the supervising nurse, or at the very least to the doctor the next day, and that we shouldn't let this slide. Nobody deserves to be treated so rudely, but especially when it's a woman with a first-time pregnancy that has already had several complications... I mean, that's their job, right? To assist us, guide us, treat us, and support us medically while we try to get through pregnancy & labor successfully.
I still can't believe that she was so rude to me, and so harsh. I was only asking for advice and reassurance, nothing more. Anyway, I'm going to call in to my doctor and to the FBC this morning to (a) discuss what I was feeling physically yesterday, and (b) report what happened with that nurse. I only hope I don't have to endure dealing with her in the future! I mean, if she can singlehandedly turn me away from going in to the FBC, despite the fact that I might actually need to be in there, then how much more damage could she do when I'm really in labor? I could easily see this woman turning away women who should otherwise go in to the FBC, and thus making things even more scary, problematic, or possibly even dangerous for the pregnant mom and her baby. It's people like that woman who need to re-trained or just leave the field altogether; heck, if you're that unhappy, lady, go work somewhere else!
Thursday, December 11, 2008
Yesterday I spoke with the manager of the Birthing Center about my negative experience on Monday. She was very kind and understanding about the whole thing, and apologized several times that I was treated that way. She said that she would look into it and take care of things on her end, but wanted me to promise that I would call or come in if I ever felt concerned about the pregnancy or the baby. She said that she believes God gives pregnant women a special grace of becoming very knowledgeable about their own bodies... even more so than medical professionals, sometimes. She has been a nurse for 20 years, and said that she couldn't count the number of times a pregnant mom had told her "Something is wrong"-- even when doctors were assuring her that things were fine or couldn't tell anything was a problem via their initial assessments-- and they eventually found out that mom was right, not the physician. She said that I really needed to trust my instincts, and that if I felt something was really wrong, I should definitely just go straight in to the Birthing Center. I'm glad she said so, because at least someone was validating my "feelings" about how things were just not right with the bleeding and pains and so on. If only she were my doctor instead! /:)
I met with the doctor again today. Apparently I'm still not dilating, but still bleeding a lot. Just another waiting game, I guess. Can't wait for baby to get here!
Monday, December 8, 2008
Pregnancy: December 1-8, 2008
Monday, December 01, 2008
Joel left this afternoon for Sonoma, where he'll be until Friday night. Is it too cheesy to say I miss him already? This week I'm just going to focus on keeping everything calm and relaxed while he's gone, because I can tell you right now that I do NOT plan on having our first baby without him! Keep your fingers crossed that we can make it until Saturday at least...
I'm off work as of today, due to all of this pre-term labor stuff that's been going on. I'm really glad that I can take the time to rest and slow everything down, because I want the baby to have as much time in utero as possible. He needs to fatten up a bit before coming out into the cold December, you know? But I'm definitely getting more and more excited as the days tick by... I can't wait to meet the baby, see his tiny little hands and feet, kiss his little face, and all that good stuff. I'll probably start bawling uncontrollably in the delivery room, just like I did at my wedding; I just get so emotional when I'm at my happiest, I can't help but cry. Oh well, I'm sure they've seen every kind of reaction in the Birthing Center, this'll be nothing new! :)
Thursday, December 04, 2008
This week has been a fairly calm one for me; in fact, on Tuesday night I got in two 3-hour stretches of sleep (yay!), and then last night (Wednesday) I actually made it from about 1 a.m. to about 5 a.m. without waking up *once*! It was like a miracle, only one of those minor miracles rather than the whole water-into-wine thing. Still, it was soo nice to finally have an uninterrupted sleep like that. I haven't slept more than 2-3 hours at a time for weeks now, and usually don't end up sleeping more than a total of 5 hours a night, period, with several wake-ups. Shouldn't my body be trying to stock up on sleep before the baby gets here?? Sheesh...
Speaking of the baby's due date, we still have about 27 days to go for that. We'll see how long it actually takes-- anyone want to start a "Baby Pool"? I go in to the doctor today for my weekly pre-natal appointment; I'm pretty sure he'll take me off the Nifedipine and just let labor progress naturally at its own pace, now that I'm at 36 weeks. The countdown has officially begun! :)
Monday, December 08, 2008
Well, this weekend included another visit to the Family Birthing Center. I swear, those people are going to be so sick of seeing me by the time I finally come in for good!
We made it through the week while Joel was gone just fine, thank goodness. At my prenatal appt. on Thursday, Dr. Altman took me off of the nifedipine and said that we could just let things progress at their own pace from here on out. Joel got home on Friday night, and that was when I finally felt comfortable because he was within reach. :) On Saturday, he & I went out to do some shopping around for a stroller-- we still need to pick up one of those Graco Snugrider frames for the carseat-- and we did a fair amount of walking around. I remember telling him "Yep, those contractions are starting up again; all we need to do is keep up this type of pace, and the baby will be here before you know it!" Oh, Melanie; why did you have to say anything?
That night, I went in to use the restroom at around 8:00, and noticed bright red bleeding-- and a lot of it. I called the Birthing Center, and they told me to come on in. Again. So we packed up the car, and with each step I felt a little more panicky, because I could tell that the bleeding hadn't stopped; it actually seemed to be getting worse every time I moved. When we got there 3 minutes later, the nurses were a bit surprised; I guess they hadn't realized we only live a few blocks away. They thought we called from the parking lot, or sped there at 95 mph, or something. :) I have to admit, it's nice being so close to them, especially considering I keep ending up there so often! Anyway; they asked for a urine sample, and ended up getting a blood sample. Yipes! They hooked me up to the monitors again-- baby looked great and his heartbeat was super-strong-- and then did pelvic exams, only to find out that I'm still not dilating. Tons of contractions, yes; but they are "ineffective" contractions, because they are not resulting in any cervical changes, and labor isn't progressing. Oh, goody! They called the doctor, and he came in on his Saturday night to check me out.
The bleeding was really worrying him, because of the possibility of placental abruption (the placenta starts to separate from the uterus). He did an ultrasound and didn't see any problems, but then you can't always detect a minor abruption on ultrasound... so they attached a fetal heart monitor and contraction monitor to my abdomen and kept us overnight. They also hooked me up to an IV and were actually preparing for the possibilty of a C-section or even labor/delivery, if things progressed in one direction or another. Instead, though, my body started to calm down, and the baby was doing great (there were just a few times early in the evening where his heart rate dipped a bit, but not too bad). Getting any rest, of course, was practically impossible, but at least we were where we could get immediate help if anything bad happened. On Sunday, they eventually let us go with instructions for modified bed rest-- and to take it EASY the next couple of days.
The doctor told me to come back in if there is another session of major bleeding, or if labor begins (contractions get stronger, closer together, and I can't talk through them), but otherwise to just rest at home. It was so weird to be at the hospital and realize, this could be it; this could be the time that starts off with just the two of us entering the hospital, and three of us leaving. :) Both of us kind of wished things would just keep going forward, but I guess it's not time yet. I think the baby is ready, actually; it's my body that isn't getting it together yet! The uterine contractions are constant, but as yet are not producing any cervical changes. We could be at this stage for weeks, really, although I hope that things don't continue like this for the rest of the month. I was so exhausted by all of it yesterday that, even though part of me wanted to just give birth already, another part of me was praying that this wasn't it because I was so tired that I didn't think I'd be able to do it! Well, either way, I'll be at 37 weeks on Tuesday, so we're finally in the clear. From here on out, anything goes. (Did you hear that, body? Come on now, let's work together on this!)
Joel left this afternoon for Sonoma, where he'll be until Friday night. Is it too cheesy to say I miss him already? This week I'm just going to focus on keeping everything calm and relaxed while he's gone, because I can tell you right now that I do NOT plan on having our first baby without him! Keep your fingers crossed that we can make it until Saturday at least...
I'm off work as of today, due to all of this pre-term labor stuff that's been going on. I'm really glad that I can take the time to rest and slow everything down, because I want the baby to have as much time in utero as possible. He needs to fatten up a bit before coming out into the cold December, you know? But I'm definitely getting more and more excited as the days tick by... I can't wait to meet the baby, see his tiny little hands and feet, kiss his little face, and all that good stuff. I'll probably start bawling uncontrollably in the delivery room, just like I did at my wedding; I just get so emotional when I'm at my happiest, I can't help but cry. Oh well, I'm sure they've seen every kind of reaction in the Birthing Center, this'll be nothing new! :)
Thursday, December 04, 2008
This week has been a fairly calm one for me; in fact, on Tuesday night I got in two 3-hour stretches of sleep (yay!), and then last night (Wednesday) I actually made it from about 1 a.m. to about 5 a.m. without waking up *once*! It was like a miracle, only one of those minor miracles rather than the whole water-into-wine thing. Still, it was soo nice to finally have an uninterrupted sleep like that. I haven't slept more than 2-3 hours at a time for weeks now, and usually don't end up sleeping more than a total of 5 hours a night, period, with several wake-ups. Shouldn't my body be trying to stock up on sleep before the baby gets here?? Sheesh...
Speaking of the baby's due date, we still have about 27 days to go for that. We'll see how long it actually takes-- anyone want to start a "Baby Pool"? I go in to the doctor today for my weekly pre-natal appointment; I'm pretty sure he'll take me off the Nifedipine and just let labor progress naturally at its own pace, now that I'm at 36 weeks. The countdown has officially begun! :)
Monday, December 08, 2008
Well, this weekend included another visit to the Family Birthing Center. I swear, those people are going to be so sick of seeing me by the time I finally come in for good!
We made it through the week while Joel was gone just fine, thank goodness. At my prenatal appt. on Thursday, Dr. Altman took me off of the nifedipine and said that we could just let things progress at their own pace from here on out. Joel got home on Friday night, and that was when I finally felt comfortable because he was within reach. :) On Saturday, he & I went out to do some shopping around for a stroller-- we still need to pick up one of those Graco Snugrider frames for the carseat-- and we did a fair amount of walking around. I remember telling him "Yep, those contractions are starting up again; all we need to do is keep up this type of pace, and the baby will be here before you know it!" Oh, Melanie; why did you have to say anything?
That night, I went in to use the restroom at around 8:00, and noticed bright red bleeding-- and a lot of it. I called the Birthing Center, and they told me to come on in. Again. So we packed up the car, and with each step I felt a little more panicky, because I could tell that the bleeding hadn't stopped; it actually seemed to be getting worse every time I moved. When we got there 3 minutes later, the nurses were a bit surprised; I guess they hadn't realized we only live a few blocks away. They thought we called from the parking lot, or sped there at 95 mph, or something. :) I have to admit, it's nice being so close to them, especially considering I keep ending up there so often! Anyway; they asked for a urine sample, and ended up getting a blood sample. Yipes! They hooked me up to the monitors again-- baby looked great and his heartbeat was super-strong-- and then did pelvic exams, only to find out that I'm still not dilating. Tons of contractions, yes; but they are "ineffective" contractions, because they are not resulting in any cervical changes, and labor isn't progressing. Oh, goody! They called the doctor, and he came in on his Saturday night to check me out.
The bleeding was really worrying him, because of the possibility of placental abruption (the placenta starts to separate from the uterus). He did an ultrasound and didn't see any problems, but then you can't always detect a minor abruption on ultrasound... so they attached a fetal heart monitor and contraction monitor to my abdomen and kept us overnight. They also hooked me up to an IV and were actually preparing for the possibilty of a C-section or even labor/delivery, if things progressed in one direction or another. Instead, though, my body started to calm down, and the baby was doing great (there were just a few times early in the evening where his heart rate dipped a bit, but not too bad). Getting any rest, of course, was practically impossible, but at least we were where we could get immediate help if anything bad happened. On Sunday, they eventually let us go with instructions for modified bed rest-- and to take it EASY the next couple of days.
The doctor told me to come back in if there is another session of major bleeding, or if labor begins (contractions get stronger, closer together, and I can't talk through them), but otherwise to just rest at home. It was so weird to be at the hospital and realize, this could be it; this could be the time that starts off with just the two of us entering the hospital, and three of us leaving. :) Both of us kind of wished things would just keep going forward, but I guess it's not time yet. I think the baby is ready, actually; it's my body that isn't getting it together yet! The uterine contractions are constant, but as yet are not producing any cervical changes. We could be at this stage for weeks, really, although I hope that things don't continue like this for the rest of the month. I was so exhausted by all of it yesterday that, even though part of me wanted to just give birth already, another part of me was praying that this wasn't it because I was so tired that I didn't think I'd be able to do it! Well, either way, I'll be at 37 weeks on Tuesday, so we're finally in the clear. From here on out, anything goes. (Did you hear that, body? Come on now, let's work together on this!)
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