1) You are a trained professional, i.e., beautician with monkey-wrangling experience,
2) Your child is somehow in such a deep sleep that a buzzing set of hair clippers near their face won't wake them up, AND they are sleeping in a position that somehow exposes their entire head of hair and yet keeps them gently supported at the same time.
Unfortunately, as you might have guessed, neither of these pre-requisites was fulfilled when I began my work. With all of the turning, yanking, running, shoving, and other calisthenics going on, he's lucky he didn't end up with a bald spot over each ear or an off-sided mohawk. Instead, he got what we were calling "The Lloyd," as in the character from Dumb and Dumber with the bowl-cut:
Luckily, he only had to go through one day with that beautiful piece of work. Earlier today, we "fixed" it as much as we could, and came up with this:
By the way, in the above picture he is sitting in his favorite place: the portable highchair seat, which we attached to this carved wooden chair that we happened to pick up for $2.50 at a neighbor's yard sale. What a deal! Especially because he LOVES that chair, and will just go and sit in in throughout the day whether or not he's eating. Just hanging out, chillin' in his seat... it seems pretty comfy, probably because Joel moved the seat cushion onto the back of the chair, so now Ethan has a nice cushy head rest. I'm kind of jealous!