Re-Kindle...

Joel has been very sweet with me lately. I mentioned that I needed to get a watch because (a) I don't own one, and (b) I have to take minutes at meetings and don't want to bring out my cell phone to keep time, and guess what he did? Yep, he went out to get me a watch and chose this lovely Skagen women's watch for me. I know he has good taste, but even I was surprised at his choice; it was very classic, yet modern and stylish.



Then, yesterday evening he comes home and he has this crafty look on his face, while holding his hands behind his back. I said, "Please don't tell me you spent more money on me, Joel..." I know, I know-- how ungrateful of me! But it's so hard to accept gifts from him when we are struggling with money issues. It feels very irresponsible, even when I know that he earned "extra" (!) money through an outside contract job this week and the money spent isn't taking money away from paying our regular bills. Still... it's so hard to be gracious about it. I tried, though! Anyway, he whips out my latest gift-- a Kindle! He already downloaded some free books on there, like Sense and Sensibility and Emma, so now I can read wherever I am without lugging around a bunch of books. Can't wait to get started... and buy a cute cover/stand for it, too! I hope he understands that I love him even without the gifts, expensive or not. :)

Owie...

My mouth hurts. Over the years, my tendency to develop canker sores every so often has turned into a tendency to get them on the slightest whim, as in when I taste pineapple or drink orange juice or God only knows what else... I haven't had more than a week free from sores for at least two years, possibly longer. The last time I remember not having them for a week at a time was when I was in Burning Man in 2009. Sometimes, like now, I have up to seven or eight at once-- right now I have four on my tongue, two on the inside of my lip/cheek area, one in the inner corner of my lips, and one on the back of my throat. I can hardly speak without pain, and it sounds like I've got dentures or something. Eating and drinking are quite painful, and forget about kissing. I can hardly remember what it's like to kiss, actually; that's probably the worst part of this whole thing. :( I can't wait for health insurance, so that I can find a doctor who can help me resolve this problem and get back to normal. Hell, I'd settle for mostly normal-- anything is better than dealing with this 9.5 days out of 10!

Independence Days

Ethan is really yearning to establish his autonomy and independence lately. He wants to feed himself, using his own silverware, and pour his own drink into his cup. And back out of it, and then repeat until most of it is all over the table or floor. He wants to keep his pajamas on all day and wear them to daycare, and has major issues with us wanting to change his clothes-- unless we can point out that they're dirty and need to be cleaned, at which point he'll lift up his arms and allow us to remove the offending article. He's getting very particular about having things happen in a particular order and style, such as me holding my arms around him at just the right angle, and resting my hands in one special way on his legs when he's sitting in my lap.

This is just the beginning... it means that he's growing up and turning into a boy. He wants to learn how to do everything himself because he needs to, as part of the process of becoming a self-sufficient person. It's sweet, and sad, and a little bit frustrating for both of us, but I just hope he lets me hold him and snuggle for a bit longer... I miss my baby boy already, even though he's just starting to grow up and away from me. *sniff* This motherhood thing is harder than I thought.

Motivation

Writing a paper about motivation problems at work has really made me see my workplace in a whole new light. I'm starting to realize what a beneficial experience this will be for me. Yes, this job may be temporary in that I don't plan on making a career of being an administrative assistant for $14/hour. But it is teaching me so much about what it's really like to work as a secretary, and what it's like to deal with situations in the for-profit world as opposed to schools or non-profits. I'm going to be able to use a lot of experiences as real-world case studies for school, too, which is going to be so helpful for my MBA program. And, last but not least, I'm learning more about what works and what doesn't in terms of working with a smaller company as opposed to the very large organizations I worked in before this. And that's not even getting into the fact that I'm getting a paycheck that helps support my family at the same time! :) All in all, I'd say I'm feeling pretty motivated right now. And proud of it!

Meltdown

Monday was a rough day for Ethan... he started off with a day at daycare that was apparently pretty chaotic and "exuberant," to say the least, thanks to the antics of four 2-year-old boys. The daycare provider said they always act up when it's windy or stormy, and the weather was pretty crazy that day. Unfortunately, this lead to a major meltdown that started the minute I picked him up and lasted until around 6:30. It was terrible! I'd never seen him throw a tantrum that lasted that long. Usually they're more like a minute or two, and then he either gets distracted or calms down, and it's over. This time it just kept coming in waves of tears, screaming, tossing his arms and legs around, and just generally being defiant, resistant, and refusing to cooperate at all. I kept wondering who had kidnapped and brainwashed my child, it was that out of character for him.

He finally started to calm down when I started washing the dishes, and he said "Help you?" while dragging his stool over to the sink. I slowly transitioned myself out of the space and left him in front of the kitchen sink to play in the water, pouring cups of soapy bubbles back and forth over a large bowl, and it seemed to work as a calming activity. After about fifteen minutes of self-play, he looked up and said "Pizza?"-- his new code word for "I'm hungry and want to eat." We ate some dinner together, took a nice bath, and he finally went to sleep. I felt like passing out too, it was such an exhausting evening with him! The next day, Tuesday, was the exact opposite. He was helpful, obedient, calm, brightly curious, laughing and engaged with me and other people around us (we went to the store), and just generally more like my son than the day before. It was so nice to get that time with him; it made up for our not-so-good Monday. I guess the "terrible twos" are here now, but I hope we can find some ways to mitigate the negative episodes so that we can all survive this sane, happy, and positive. God give me strength! ;)

Ways Ethan Has Changed...

This weekend, we're going to a first birthday party for the son of one of Joel's college buddies. We've been racking our brains for a good, appropriate, useful gift, rather than just another toy, and you'd think we have a seventeen year old instead of a two year old for how much memory work this little exercise has required. We dragged up some old memories of what he used to do back when he was just a year old, a whole year and a half ago, and here's what we came up with...

- Raking, sweeping, and general yard work: This kid loved being outside!
- Garbage can attack man: He was always trying to get the lid open and stuff little items inside, so we had to attach a latch to keep him from throwing away everything in reach
- Speaking of latches, we had to lock down the entire kitchen, TV stand, and bathroom cabinets. We actually just kept the bathroom doors shut, too, to keep him from opening up the toilet lid and doing god knows what in there...
- Hoses were like a gift from god straight to our boy. He loved them.
- Walking, crawling, walking, falling, running, and walking some more.

I'll think of more later... but he's only changed a bit from this, in that he's much more controlled about what he tries to get into and so on. He talks a lot more, he sings and dances, he interacts differently with the world around him, he's friendly and loves playing, he likes to read.... he's growing up!

Last Nerve.

For some reason, everything Ethan did today was testing my last nerve. From the moment he woke up to the minute he laid down for bed (minus my day away at work and his time at daycare, of course) he was pushing the limits and basically doing everything he could to exert his independence. Unfortunately, this also happened to be a day that I didn't have much patience to deal with his shenanigans. Right now, as I'm typing at 8:30 p.m., he is in his room throwing toys around, kicking the wall, and yelling. I'm so annoyed and frustrated!! Not only at his behavior, but at my reaction to it. It's like an instantaneous response to raise my voice when he blatantly disobeys by hitting at me or dumping food/drinks on the ground, and I don't want to be one of those parents who flips out and screams at their kids. I know my own tendency to overreact and get highly emotional about things, and I don't want to take that out on him just because he's being a typical 2-year-old. SERENITY NOW! I need a breather. Maybe I'll skip homework tonight and focus on relaxing instead. Glass of wine, much-needed break in front of the TV, maybe even (gasp!) some light reading of my "fun" book instead of a school book...

Yep, that sounds good. I'm out!

Fruit Attack

Ethan loves fruit. But only in certain forms... he'll eat banana, for instance, or apple slices (sans skin), or firm chunks of mango, and grapes and blueberries-- but on a completely random basis. Some days it's a go, other days it's a "no" that involves spitting the food out or totally refusing to let it near his mouth. The only thing he never refuses is dried fruit, whether it's raisins and cranberries or freeze-dried fruit. Our current favorite is the freeze-dried fruit crisps we found at Wal-Mart.



He absolutely adores them! They are crunchy, flavorful, and purely fruit with no added anything to interfere with the nutritional value. And it's a lot of fruit in there, too; the strawberry-banana bag has approximately 4 strawberries and 1 medium banana inside. They run about $0.78/bag, which is so worth it to me for getting his fruit into him. They also have ten varieties, including peach, pineapple, and cinnamon apple... YUM. It's not a substitute for the real thing, but it does the trick in a pinch. I think they're also perfect for taking on trips, camping, and really anywhere you want to have the fruit but don't want to worry about it bruising or going bad. Great road trip snack!

Language Blast

Ethan's language skills have shot through the roof over the past couple of months. It's so crazy to hear him speaking and actually understand what he's saying, and know that it means something rather than just being babble noises. Now that he's in daycare, interacting with several other kids who are around his age and stage of development, he's just blossoming... the only thing is, I don't get to witness it firsthand, so sometimes I'm not quite sure exactly where he's getting certain phrases.

Yesterday morning, for example, we were leaving for daycare when he stopped in front of the bushes that line our front walkway. He leaned over, sniffed dramatically, then scrunched up his nose and said, "Ew, gross!" My instinct was to laugh, which of course I did, but at the same time I was completely surprised by the fact that he said the word "gross" so clearly and so much like an older kid. Now, why again was I so worried about his speech several months ago? He's obviously got the important words down already! In fact, about the only time he's not talking these days is when he's doing this...

Peek-a-boo

Could this boy get any more adorable?



I guess I just answered my own question!

Love my little guy. Love that he can express himself in so many ways, and that he's talking and interacting so well these days. Love that his daycare teacher enjoys having him around and is impressed by how well he gets along with the other kids, by his friendly personality, and by his kindness to others. Love that he is exuberant and joyful and lives life with such verve. Love that I get the chance to see all of this up close and personal, and cherish every minute of it. (Even those minutes that aren't so great are just part of an overall wonderful, amazing miracle.) LOVE!!

Itsy Bitsy Pider

Ethan's favorite song before going to sleep these days is the Itsy Bitsy Spider, or as he says, "pider." He likes it when I spider-crawl my fingers up his legs and then swoosh the rain down his tummy during the song, and he absolutely loves it when the "spider" accidentally gets lost and crawls all over his back and arms and chest on the way back up the spout, finally landing on his nose at the end of the song. He'd have me sing it fifteen times if he could, but unfortunately mommy has a lower tolerance for the bedtime performance than he does.



He's also been wanting to be tucked in lately, which is funny... right as it starts to get warmer and he probably starts to sweat under his blanket at night, he wants me to tuck the blanket in around him before sleeping. But hey, at least it helps keep him on his little bed instead of on the floor in front of the door where he was sleeping for awhile there.

Did I mention that he's still sleeping in the closet on his little couch-bed? It used to stick out of the closet, because he liked to lay in front of the door and I was trying to provide an alternative... But he kept sliding off of it and scooting over so that half of his body was on the floor anyway.

I moved it sideways to fit lengthwise inside the closet, and he seems to be staying on it throughout the whole night now. Don't ask me why he likes to sleep there, when he has a perfectly good toddler bed in the other corner...



I have no idea why he likes sleeping there. Just because it's close to the door, I guess... but so weird, to be behind the door and in the closet, with clothes hanging over his head all night! That's my son, though; knows his own mind, even when it comes to sleeping.

Dancetastic

The other day we were playing in one of Ethan's favorite places (the car) and he was, as usual, fiddling with the radio. He turned it on and it immediately defaulted to playing the SD card that Joel had programmed with a bunch of primarily electronic, house, and techno music. Ethan started waving his head around, bouncing on the seats, smiling, and shaking his groove thang all over the place. After a few minutes, he realized that he hadn't been pushing all of the buttons on the faceplate and proceeded to change the "source" from the SD card to the radio. A regular, everyday, average pop song came on. He looked up at me with this puzzled expression on his face, looked back down at the faceplate, and then switched it back to the SD card. When the house music started thumping into the car again, this huge smile bloomed across his face and he resumed his little happy dance on the passenger seat. That's my boy! Already has his daddy's taste in music, except that Ethan's a bit more accepting of dub step than Joel is... either way, it makes it nice for mom and dad because we love that music too, so listening and dancing together is a family affair. Can't wait to get back out to the City and dance with my guy again!

Baby Shower Time!

Two of my cousins are pregnant and due in late spring/early summer I get to go to one baby shower this weekend and one a month from now... which is awesome because (a) I love baby showers, and (b) I love my cousins! The only thing that bugs me is that I have been trying to find this one gift that I was given and that we absolutely love, and I can't find it anywhere except on eBay, and it's not even exactly the same thing... Gotta work on it and see if I can find it!!

On the Road to Recovery?

Well, I went in this morning and spoke with my placement specialist from the temp agency about what was going on at work. As usual for me during a stressful conversation like that one, I ended up crying in front of her. Ugh! I wish I could get a better handle on my emotions during those types of meetings... Anyway, she sympathized with me and agreed that the management was reacting inappropriately and unprofessionally in their communications with me. She suggested that I speak with the vice-president about what was happening and see how she responded to me. I agreed, but after leaving her office was so emotional that I felt unprepared to go in to work that day. I had a blasting headache from the stress and was weepy and tense, and so I called in to work that I wasn't feeling well and that I'd be in around noon that day. I used my time at home to gather my thoughts, calm down, grab some groceries, finish a homework assignment, and just try to bring up the zen factor before going in to work.

When I arrived, I found out that my manager wasn't even there-- he'd called in sick again. So the only other "yuck" factor was the president. The thing is, I think my placement specialist called over and spoke with the company, because everything was different today. The president was cordial, if a bit distant, and his wife (the vice-president) came over several times to check on me, ask if I needed any help or support, and let me know she was here if I needed her. When she asked how I was feeling, because I'd called in sick, I told her it was a pretty good headache. She said, "I hope it's not stress from work..." and then followed it up with "I don't want you to feel overwhelmed or discouraged by anything that's happened; we think you're doing a great job and we know that this is a complicated job to learn." We had a pretty decent conversation after that, and I'm thinking that things might be on the mend. Too early to say yet, but I'm hopeful. :)

From Yuck to Trucks

I decided to not dwell on the second horrid day at work in a row, and instead turn to the wonderfulness that is my son. He can always bring a smile to my face, even when I come home from work crying like I did Monday, or frustrated and beaten down, like I did today. He can change my focus from negativity to the simple joys of a toy car or a butterfly in moments. And I got a lot of support from Joel over these past two days, which felt very nice. How did I get so lucky, to be able to share my time with such wonderful guys?



And how did I get to be such a push-over that I have somehow helped this child accumulate what appears to be the toy vehicle department for a small country?



This kid is 100% all boy, that is for sure and for certain.

Rough day.

Had a pretty bad day at work today. I'm just making so many errors, and feeling so incompetent, and it was tough to keep my composure in the office this afternoon-- especially when I made yet another mistake on the copier right as I was about to leave at 5:00. I came home close to tears and can't believe how bad I felt. After speaking with a friend, I have a new plan of action for tomorrow: Go in with my head held high, admit to my mistakes and then let them roll off my back. Treat myself the way I would like to be treated-- in other words, act as if I deserve to be treated kindly and respectfully and assume the best about what others are thinking. The worst that could happen is that they continue to act the way they've been acting, while I feel okay about my work. The best that could happen is that they begin to treat me better. It's really a positive change in any case, because no matter what happens I'll feel better about myself and satisfied with my efforts to learn this new job. If it works the way my friend hopes, they'll see me in a more positive light because I'll be acting more confident, secure, and pleasant rather than holding my head down out of guilt or shame or just feeling badly about the way things are going. We'll see... and I'll try to get on here more often, too; things are just so stinkin' busy!

No Time...

I feel like I have signed my life away to this MBA program. And not just me, but Joel, too. We are both going to school full-time and working now (thankfully), which means that we see very little of Ethan and even less of each other, not to mention hardly ever catching a glimpse of our friends and family. It's a little bit tougher than I thought it would be, this virtual isolation from our circle of loved ones, and this is only just the beginning of a long, long eighteen-month program. All I keep telling myself is that it'll be worth it in the end, it'll be worth the short-term sacrifice for the end goal... but that seems to be the common refrain of life. When does that fabled end goal arrive, anyway? I think perhaps it's time to start seeing that the process itself needs to be more enjoyable than miserable, or else reaching the legendary end goal becomes too great a burden to bear. We've got to build in some alone time for us as a husband & wife, some family time with our little guy, some get-away-from-it-all time, time with our couple friends and time for a girls/guys' night out, time with our relatives, and-- just as importantly as all the rest-- time to have some peaceful, solitary, all-by-myself solitude to recharge the batteries.

So I'll go ahead and put that plan into action, as soon as I can find some time.

Day Care Germs

My little guy has been battling a runny nose, sore throat, and cough for the past week. I even had to go in to work late on Wednesday so that I could stay home with him until Joel took over at 1:00. I was a little worried about how my supervisors would take it, but they're all parents too and were very understanding. The thing that bugs me is that this happened directly because of the usual stuff that happens by being at a daycare. It's so frustrating knowing that your child is getting exposed to more bugs than usual, and even more so when you can see that the other kids at the center are obviously sick when you drop off or pick up your kid. I love that it's a home-based daycare, because he gets extra attention in a warm, comfortable home instead of a center. But I don't love that sick kids tend to stay a little longer than they would if they were in a larger center-based daycare. I wish that other parents would keep their kids home when they're sick, rather than bringing them to daycare and waiting for the provider to tell them they have to go home. Usually it's too late at that point, and everyone else's children have been exposed to whatever is attacking your kid. Look, I understand that you don't want to or can't afford to miss another day of work to stay home with your child, but guess what? Neither can we!

And another thing that worries me a bit is that there is another toddler who attends Ethan's daycare but is at home this month recovering from heart surgery. What about when he comes back? He will be extra vulnerable to infection, and it's a bit scary to think of him being exposed to the bugs that have been floating around daycare this week. Did I mention that two of the other boys were out with major ear infections this week? Ugh! Just hope that my boy feels better soon. Even when it's minor, I hate seeing him feeling under the weather.

Big Boy :)

I can't believe how "old" my gorgeous baby boy seems to be getting. He is truly talking a mile a minute now; he has so many words in his vocabulary that I can't really count them. The only problem is, I'm starting to lose the reference points I used to have for his speech. For example, I used to know that he was talking about his favorite UmiZoomi episode about the dump truck who tried to stop UmiCar from winning the race by various dirty tricks (raising the bridge, dumping sand on UmiCar, spilling slippery bubbles on the ground, etc.). He'd tell me the story over and over again and because I knew the sequence of actions already, it helped me to figure out what he was trying to say. Now that he's in daycare, he has a completely new set of experiences throughout the days that I'm not privy to, and it's starting to get a little more difficult to understand his conversations. Guess that means I'll just have to try a little harder!

At least I know one thing he won't stop talking about.... TRUCKS!

Working Woman!

So, I started at my new job on Thursday, March 31st-- and it's great! The company is an HOA management and real estate firm here in Modesto, just a few blocks down the road from my house. In fact, it's so close that I could actually go home to eat on a half-hour lunch and still get back with time to spare. Not that I really want to do that very often, but it's an option, which is nice. The office is open and friendly yet professional, and seems to be a pleasant place to work. There appears to be some manager-assistant drama brewing between a couple of people, though, so I'm going to do my best to stay out of it and keep a neutral stance at all times. The good news is that I seem to have landed a very competent manager, and the woman I'm replacing is quite good at training me to take her position, so I'm pretty confident that I can do well in this office.

The position is to work as an Administrative Assistant for one of the Property Managers at the company. My particular boss is responsible for managing two professional associations and several other residential associations, some of which are huge (over 330 units!) and some of which are tiny (only 12 units). He basically provides all of the management, meaning he coordinates the custodial care, maintenance, architectural changes to the complex itself (not the homes), and so on. He's also in charge of setting up and running the bimonthly, quarterly and/or annual meetings of the HOA's board of directors. My job in all this is to assist him in preparing for all of those events: Transcribe notes; type up agendas, letters and other documents; print copies and prepare mailings; review, type, print, bind, and mail meeting packets; prepare for seminars or conferences; handle phone calls; order supplies; etc. The usual admin. assistant type of job duties.

I'm glad to be getting this experience in the business/for-profit world, FINALLY. It gets me out of social services and puts a new chapter onto my resume. I don't see myself staying as an Admin forever, because (mainly) it just doesn't pay enough to help support my family, but also because I'd really like to eventually move into a more challenging position. But for now, this is an excellent opportunity to get to know the job well, get a better understanding of the nuts and bolts of business management, and all while being able to pay rent. BINGO! I think we have a winner here. :)

New haircut for a new job!

Love my new short hair! It's been far too long... feels nice and light, easy, spiffy, and sleek. And I can funk it up whenever I want, too! Win-win situation.

Color Me Employed!

I'm so very happy to announce that I accepted a job offer yesterday from the real estate company that I interviewed with last week and Monday. It felt like a great match from the beginning, and I think the only thing holding them back from offering me the job last week was the fact that the position I'll be replacing is only 25 hrs/wk, whereas I need a full-time job in order to be financially comfortable. But they apparently wanted me on their team seriously enough to re-work the position description, increase the hours, add some job duties, and make me the offer! It's an almost indescribable relief to be employed again after so long, and so close to the cut-off date for my unemployment benefits (as of today, there is only enough money in my award amount to cover three more checks; how's that for cutting it close?).

Even if I were working in a dead-end job with nothing to look forward to but a paycheck, I would be grateful. Instead, I get this great opportunity that sort of comes flying in out of the blue, all because of an inquiry email I sent out to an employment agency just in case they might still have my file open. This is what they call "serendipity"-- or possibly "luck favors the well-prepared" or something like that, considering that I've been honing my interview skills for the past two years and building up an excellent portfolio for sharing with potential employers... Either way, it's a blessing, and I'm truly appreciative of it.

I will be working as an Administrative Assistant supporting a property manager at a real estate firm that specializes in HOA management. The company has been around for 30 years, and because they don't focus on the ups and downs of the market, they've been remarkably stable and profitable during these past few years of ugliness in real estate. I am really looking forward to starting my job this week, especially because I get to dress up for work. Tee-hee! Call me a girly-girl, but I do love to fancy it up a bit at work. Can't wait to wear heels and skirts and dresses and just get all gussied up during the work week. Pictures will be forthcoming, never fear. And on that note, thank you to everyone for the positive thoughts and great energy and prayers, and thank you to God for this wonderful blessing, and thank you to those who spported me in my job search with babysitting and happy messages and other gestures of pure friendship. I love you all dearly!

Surprise, surprise... surprise!

Three big surprises in my life: First, Joel got me an ergonomic wireless keyboard and wireless mouse yesterday... How sweet is that? It is going to be so much easier to type up the multitude of papers and essays required for my MBA program with thiese handy dandy little tools. :)

Second, today is Ethan's first day at daycare! He was able to get in to Miss Janet's daycare, the same one that his buddy Aidan goes to, which is so great because at least he'll have someone he knows there. I've got mixed emotions about it; I know that I'm going to miss him, but I know as well that he is going to really love being around other kids and playing and learning and all of that. He definitely needs the interaction time, and will really benefit from it. I've been so lucky, despite all of these financial woes, because I've been blessed to spend the past two years at home with my little boy. But now it's time for him to take one little step on the path towards growing up, and I'm sure he's going to have a great time!

Third, and perhaps just a teensy smidge more importantly, I have a second interview today at the firm I interviewed with last week. I'm so happy and excited about it! Candace, the placement tech from availABILITY, called and asked me if I'd be available for a 2nd interview at 10:00 on Monday. I told her yes, because Ethan was starting daycare Monday morning so we'd be all set for to start working from this day forward. She responded with, "That's great! Because you just might be working by Tuesday." WOW! Now that's what I call fast service. Well, we'll hope that things go well and that this position works out, but if not-- I'm confident that I'll be working by the end of April. Watch out, world, I'm a woman with a mission and I'm on my way!

Job Hopes!

I think renewing my contact with availABILITY was the best thing I could have done in my job search. Candace, the placement specialist I met with on Tuesday, emailed me back on Wednesday with information about an interview for Thursday. That fast, my job hopes were raised again and I felt a little bit more energy and life flowing through me. I put on my "professional outfit"-- a fitted purple dress that has a dash of Mad Men style to it, a black dress jacket and velvety black heels-- packed up my portfolio of work examples, dropped Ethan off with my awesome parents and sister Adrienne, and headed about four blocks down the road to the company for my interview.

The company is a real estate company that has been in business for about 30 years and focuses primarily on HOA management. They are very stable and are looking for someone who is going to be around for awhile. That might clash a little bit with my plans to move to the Bay Area sometime in the future, but for now at least it sounds like a great place to work. The job duties are challenging, the office seems very well-run and professional yet comfortable, and the people seem friendly and competent. The interview seemed to go very well and I hope to hear back from them very soon... although maybe they could wait a week and let me have some time at home while Ethan's in daycare to get more homework done. It would be like a vacation, at home!

Employment News

Wow, this has been a busy week! On Monday, I was contacted by a placement specialist at availABILITY Personnel, an employment agency just down the road. I had sent them an email indicating interest in a job they'd posted online, and asked them to consider the application I'd filled out and the tests I had already taken back in December 2010. I guess they liked what they saw, because they asked me to come in Tuesday and finish some additional tests in Microsoft Office 2003. Apparently, I did well! In fact, I scored a 93% in Word and an 80% in Excel. Not bad, considering I've been using Office 2007 for over a year now and haven't even seen 2003 in a long time.

When I finished the tests, the placement specialist took me aside for an informal personal interview and asked me several questions about what types of jobs I was looking for, the hours and salary I'd prefer, and so on. I stayed really upbeat and was completely open about the challenges I've had so far in my job search-- being overqualified for the jobs I was applying for, trying to break out of the fields of education and social services, having to work within the 8-5 time frame because of childcare constraints, and having to work for at least $14/hour because I'm the primary breadwinner. If I was the only breadwinner, I'd need a bare minimum of $18-19/hour in order to just squeak by with bills. Anyway, I also told her that I was planning to have Ethan in daycare by Monday so that I'd be available to start work right away. She was so positive and encouraging during the interview and ended it by saying that she was impressed by my attitude and capabilities, and that she was certain I'd be working by the end of April. Woo-hoo! Finally, some good news!

Cinnamon Allergy?

The other day, Ethan had an allergic reaction to something he was chewing on-- a Colgate Cinnamon Wisp Toothbrush. The strange thing to me was that he had already chewed on the toothbrushes twice before without any problems, so I had no idea that he would react the way he did this time.

It all began when I gave him one of the Wisp toothbrushes to keep him busy while I drove my sister home. After a few minutes, he started saying "Ow, ow!" and pointing to his mouth. I assumed that he was poking himself with the pointed rubbery end that is used for flossing, and told him to be careful with the brush. I kept a watch on him through the rear view mirror, to see if he was turning the brush around to poke himself on purpose, but all I could see was him using it correctly. Hmm... a couple of minutes later, he repeated "Ow, ow, mom!" and started rubbing at the left side of his mouth and cheek. I reminded him to be careful, but dismissed it and kept driving. A minute or so later, I looked in the rear view mirror to check on him again and saw that he had apparently rubbed his cheek/mouth area so much that it turned red. In fact, it looked almost raised. I kept glancing back and saw his skin turning even redder and more inflamed looking right before my eyes. And that's when I first suspected an allergic reaction.

I reached back and took his toothbrush and then called my sister Stefanie on speakerphone to ask for advice. She told me to get him immediately to a pharmacy and give him a half-dose of Benadryl to stop the allergic reaction. We were about a block and a half away from Save Mart at the time, so I got there as quickly as I could in 5 o'clock traffic and jammed into the store. By the time we got in to the Pharmacy and bought the Children's Benadryl, the left side of his face was bright red and looked a little swollen, with the red area appearing raised up a bit. The Benadryl said that it wasn't to be used for a 2-year-old, but I listened to my sister instead (she'd gone through something similar with her toddler many years prior) and gave him half of a dose right away. Within fifteen minutes I could see that the symptoms had stopped getting worse, and after about half an hour they actually started to fade a bit. By the time Stefanie came over an hour later to check in with us, the raised area had subsided and the redness had faded down to what looked like flushed skin instead of a burn. From now on I'm taking her advice and keeping Benadryl in the house, and maybe even putting some in the first aid kit that we keep in the car. Just in case!

FYI, I don't really think it was a cinnamon allergy. Toothpaste products tend to use cinnamic aldehyde for flavoring, and he has eaten food with cinnamon in it since the incident without any problems. I'll just keep him away from cinnamon toothpaste or cinnamon mints from now on, and hope we don't have any more issues.

Grad School

Last week was my first week back in school as a grad student, and let me tell ya-- being out of school for the past decade has not necessarily improved my study skills, my vocabulary, or my ability to think critically. I am so nervous about this program, partly because it is a business degree and therefore nothing I have really studied before, and partly because this time around I'm doing it without the kind of free time I had before. The last time I was in school I was single and lived alone, and could arrange my schedule however I wanted to in order to get my homework, papers, reading, and prep work done. This time? Yeah, not quite. Instead, I have a husband and a toddler, am a stay-at-home mom (until I start full-time work within the next month), and have a full-time job hunt going on right now. Needless to say, my study time is somewhat limited at this point.

It has been tough enough to get my work done in the hours that Ethan sleeps this past week, and I can't imagine it will get any easier when I start working again. Not only will I lose his nap-time (about 2 hours) for school work, but I'll also lose all that time I normally get to spend doing things around the house like laundry, cooking, cleaning, and so on. How the heck do people do this?!? I am going to be either a master time-management expert or completely insane by the end of this program. Still, I'm not changing my plans or quitting. This is my goal: MBA with Human Resources specialization by September 2012. No matter what, I'm going for it. Watch out, world!

Egg Success!

Today we had a major breakthrough: Ethan ate eggs! I know, I know, it doesn't seem like much, but this boy hasn't eaten more than a bite or two of eggs since he was born. I even remember the only other time he did; his father and I were sharing a lovely Waffle House omelet and Ethan decided that he wanted to take a few bites of our delicious breakfast. He only had a little bit before he moved on to the banana and orange juice, but I was thrilled with even that minute amount.

Unfortunately, my happiness was short-lived, because that momentous occasion took place over a year ago-- and it's been that long since he's done more than just take one taste of the egg before spitting it out in disgust. I was starting to wonder if he'd end up being one of those people who just never eats eggs, period, when he finally broke the barrier tonight. Maybe it was because of what I made... I beat together three eggs, some finely chopped cooked chicken breast, a handful of leftover cooked veggie penne that I chopped up nice and small, shredded "Mexican" cheese and some milk. I buttered a pan and then threw it all in there, sprinkled on some onoin and garlic powder, salted and peppered it, then covered the pan and cooked it for about five minutes. I folded it in half, and voila! A lovely, complete meal with protein, dairy, grains/carbs, and vegetables. And the leftovers will be perfect for Joel's breakfast before he heads off to school tomorrow morning, too. Betty Crocker, eat your heart out!

Vision Statement

My first major assignment for my Management Communication class is to develop a personal vision statement. Sounds easy, right? Yeah right. We were directed to several resources online, but I found another one that I really enjoyed using on the Franklin Covey website.



It has about ten or so pages of prompts that help you to start breaking down your personal goals, internal and external characteristics, strengths and weaknesses, dreams and goals, so that by the end you have put together a fairly comprehensive vision statement. I really liked it, and only wished that it were easier to go back and edit one section or another before printing or emailing yourself the final version. I'm definitely going to be using it for my assignment, which I plan on writing tomorrow sometime (it's due Sunday). After this week, though, my plan is to start doing all of my assignments ahead of time as often as possible, so that I can keep the stress level down and keep one step ahead. That way, if something comes up last minute and I'm strapped for time, I don't have to worry about missing an assignment because it'll already be done. That's the plan, anyway; we'll see how it pans out.

St. Pat's Day Menu ideas...

So, right now I'm salivating because the entire house is filled with the aroma of corned beef, potatoes and onions in the crockpot... YUM! I absolutely love corned beef. I could probably eat it once a month without any problems whatsoever, and I have a pretty good number of recipes geared towards ways of making the leftovers into a variety of meals so that we can cook a huge amount of meat and not get sick of it. Not that I think that's even possible, but it's nice to have other options if you don't want a thick slab of corned beef with spicy brown mustard, tender red potatoes and juicy onions, crisp cabbage and perhaps even a slice of Claussen's dill pickle on the side...

Need I say it again? YUM! One of the leftover recipes I like to use is Reuben Soup, which is so rich and flavorful that my mouth waters just thinking about it. I think I actually posted the recipe on my blog last year sometime. This year, I'm thinking about making Reuben Sliders on those small Hawaiian butter rolls. I'll cut open the rolls, then layer on my ingredients: cheese (Monterey Jack instead of Swiss because I'm not a big Swiss fan), corned beef slices, brown mustard, a slice of dill pickle and a little Thousand Island dressing, and a tsp or so of sauerkraut; next, bake it for five minutes at 300 F, until it's a little toasty and warmed through. Add some red potato salad on the side, and you've got the makings of one ultra-tasty dinner. Can't wait!

Interview Bust

So, yet another group interview, except this time we all had to get up and tell each other-- the other applicants as well as the interviewers-- why we were most qualified for the job. It just gets more and more humiliating the longer I'm out here, I swear... after all that effort, too, it came down to the very end and I finally got to ask a question about the hours. Thank goodness, too, because there's no way I could have even done the job when they want me there from 1-9 p.m. four days during the week plus Saturday. I don't really think a lot of people understand just how difficult it is to look for work when you have a toddler that needs daycare and a husband who isn't available in the evenings to watch the baby.

I have a new-found appreciation for single parents out there who are trying to make it in this economy. How the heck are we supposed to work for low wages, put our kid(s) in daycare at $550/month for home care (if you can find it) or $990/month for center care, both of which close at the latest by 5:30 (home) or 6:00 (center) every night? How is that supposed to work? And how are people doing it when they have more than one child, too? It's ridiculous, really; sometimes I get so frustrated by the whole thing that I just want to scream.

School + Job Updates

I posted my first assignment in my online MBA class today. What a great moment of excitement, anticipation, and nervousness all rolled into one overwhelming feeling... I think it is going to be really wonderful for me to get back into education for awhile. I need this sort of mental stimulation and the reminder that I am more than just a one-dimensional character at this point in my life. It'll be tough to go to do a Master's degree while still being the primary one responsible for the house, the child, and then also work full-time, but there really isn't another option right now-- so it's full steam ahead, no holds barred, put the pedal to the metal time!

PS, I also got called to come in for an interview tomorrow for a position with Heald College here in Modesto. My friend T. said earlier that, because I just started classes, *now* I'll get a job-- now that I'll have way less time and energy, because that's just how the universe works. We both laughed about it, but then a couple of hours later I got the call from Heald about the interview. Hopefully T. was right! :)

Sick.

But hopefully feeling better soon. At least the fever is gone.

:(

Isn't It Romantic

Romance... what a strange word to think about, really. It encompasses so many emotions and actions, and means such different things to each person that you can't really define it in a simple phrase. For my husband, romance is something similar to the image that the media has pushed on us for marketing purposes for our entire lives: Flowers, chocolate, a nice dinner, expensive gifts, jewelry, weekend trips, and so on. He can't seem to separate the idea of romance from a cost factor; if it doesn't cost a lot, it must not be romantic. To him, inexpensive flowers aren't romantic; a date night that involves coupons can't be romantic; and if for some reason you think that you don't need money to be romantic, you must be either a cheapskate or broke.

To me, on the other hand, romance involves far less money and far more attention to the needs of your partner, and consideration of their likes and dislikes. Romance for me would involve a situation where my husband wakes up in the middle of the night and tends to the baby so that I can sleep in, or gets up in the morning and makes breakfast for all of us so that I can get a break from the usual chore. It would be romantic if he left a note on my desk saying how much he loved me, or texted me a sweet little message out of the blue, or brought me home a bottle of my favorite wine so that we could share it later that evening. It doesn't take much, really, in my view; just a thoughtfulness and a sense of caring or affection that expresses itself in simple, everyday situations instead of grand gestures that take on a life of their own.



This week, for instance, Joel did something that I consider one of the most romantic things I've ever seen him do... I was having a pretty bad day for some reason, just feeling run-down, exhausted, drained, and dealing with a migraine as well. I was having a hard time dealing with Ethan's energetic interactions and trying to lie down on the couch and rest, when Joel came out of his office and said that he was going to Walgreen's. I just murmured "okay" and pushed play on Ethan's movie, expecting Joel to leave my rambunctious two-year-old with me while he drove away. Moments later, I heard him taking Ethan out to the car... and then drive away together. Even when they got home later, he took Ethan outside to play for a little bit longer, just so that I could have a bit more time to recover. I was so impressed, and humbled, and shocked, and deeply pleased by his gesture. It meant so much to me that he did that without even asking.

I know that for some people, that might not be so far out of the realms of possibility that it would seem like a big deal, but I can count on one hand the number of times he has taken Ethan out *by himself* since Ethan was born. One hand. So that is a big thing for us, and I totally appreciate it for what it is-- romantic, and generous, and loving. Now, if I can just figure out how to get a repeat without having to conjure up another migraine....

Processing....

Going through the final steps before classes begin on the 22nd... starting to get a little nervous, a little excited, a little curious about what it will be like to go back to grad school after such a long break and this time, with a two-year-old on my lap. Still haven't had any positive responses from the job applications, but I'm trying to stay positive and hope for the best. My unemployment extension runs out at the end of April; that gives me a few weeks left to get things sorted out, right?

Friendly Boy

My son is a constant source of pleasure and pride for me. I love that he is such a friendly and outgoing child, and that he feels so comfortable (usually) with people. Lately, every time we go out to a store he walks up to a stranger or two and starts a random conversation about something...

For example, we were at Rite Aid for to drop off a prescription and he found some trucks he was interested in on a shelf near the door. Every person who came in or walked out of the pharmacy got a greeting from my boy, plus a toddler-style chat about the dump truck and its critically acclaimed role in "Team Umizoomi: Umi City Race" (Ethan's favorite episode to watch and re-watch for the past week or so). It was so sweet! He would walk up to them and, depending on their age, call them "Baba" (his name for Grandma) or "Fie" (his name for my sister Stefanie) to get their attention, and then just start chattering away about dun-duck (dump truck) and his various exploits in the cartoon. And it was so nice to watch how everyone responded to him; each person got a huge smile on their face, spoke to him a little bit, and walked away a little bit happier than when they came in. All because of my boy. Now, that's what I call a proud-mama moment.

He Shoots, He Scores!

Ethan's auntie Elena brought him a glow in the dark basketball hoop and backboard, and he immediately became an athletic marvel the likes of which I'd never seen before.



It took him a little while to figure out how this whole "ball-goes-in-basket" thing worked, but as it turns out-- he's a fast learner.



And man, did he get a kick out of seeing that ball swoosh through the hoop!



Of course, there was also a bit of a learning curve in terms of what body part my little athlete was supposed to be using in order to get the ball over to the hoop in the first place...



But at least he had fun. And we had even more fun, I think, just watching him. I also like that the ball will glow ever so gently each night when he's getting ready for bed; it reminds me of the color of phosphorescence in the Gulf waters, that otherworldly blue-green-yellow shimmer, so soothing and calm. I used to think it must be the color of mermaids floating just out of sight beneath the still, dark waters, gazing back up at us as we stared out into the sea...

Giver of Hugs

I took Ethan to the Library yesterday morning so that he could spend a little time surrounded by books, and he was in heaven. Not so much because of the wide variety of books in the toddler/child area, but because of the other kids who were there waiting for story time to begin. He has so little interaction with other kids because we don't have him in day care right now, and every time he gets around other children he absolutely blossoms before my eyes.

On Sunday, for instance, I took him to church for a friend's daughter's confirmation and stayed with Ethan and his little buddy in the "crying room"-- a separate room where parents can take their little ones so that they don't feel they're disrupting the service. Ethan was very antsy to get out of there, but when the other kids arrived he started to perk up and play more happily. He wandered over to his buddy A. a few times and wrapped him up in a hug with this sweet smile on his face the whole time, saying "Hug! Hug!" and looking up to make sure I saw what he was doing. It was so adorable! The first few times, that is; after that, I had to gently tell him that A. had had enough hugs, because there is a limit after all.



He found another friend at the Library on Monday: "Teddy," a tiny little blond girl around his age who sat at our table and played with puzzles and books right alongside Ethan. They spent the first fifteen minutes or so just playing near each other and glancing up every so often, but then they broke the ice and started openly acknowledging each other. From then on, it was like love at first sight. They darted around the children's library, checking out doors and sculptures and scattered books, then they wandered together over to the windows and gazed out at the buses passing by. They were having a wonderful time together, and Ethan couldn't stop grinning with delight. He even walked over to her and gave her one of his famous hugs, and patted her on the head when he was done. He turned towards the window again and her grandmother said, "Can you give hugs too, Teddy?" So Teddy, not to be outdone by a mere boy, leaned towards Ethan and laid her head ever so gently on his back for just a moment.

And those are the moments I want to remember, so that I can tell him about them when he has forgotten what it meant to be a child.

And in case you've forgotten, here is a link to The Official Hug Guide.

Auntie love.

Ethan really loves spending time with his aunties, and has enjoyed every minute he's spent with my sister Elena.


I love that they get along so well, and that I can use him as an excuse to drag her over to the house more often. Oh, the lure of those big blue eyes...


They get me, too, so I totally understand their magnetic power over others.

Baydreamer

I long to live nearer the Bay Area. I yearn for it, like it's a piece of me that has been missing and is calling out for my return so that we can finally join together and become whole. I don't know exactly why, either; it's not as if I'm from there, after all. But every time I visit, I feel like I can breathe a little easier and every muscle starts to relax, little by little, until I finally feel as if I've come home again after a long journey. We used to be able to visit at least once a month, but our financial situation lately has kept us pretty close to home and we only get across the Bridge every 3-4 months. Each time we're out there, I come back to the Valley with a heightened sense of urgency about the path our lives are on, and how we can engineer things so that our family can live in the Bay Area somewhere. Someday, somehow... we'll get there.

Frostburg

So, I did some more research and decided that Kaplan might not be the best choice. There are a lot of complaints about that university, and besides that it is really expensive-- up to $32,000 if I chose the MBA with specialization option. After checking out tons of websites, I found a very helpful site called Get Educated. It ranks, rates, and compares online schools and degrees, and has separate listings like "Best Buys" and "Best Public Perception" to help narrow your choices. I looked at quite a few different online colleges on the "Best Buys" list, and after a lot of deliberation I decided to apply to Frostburg State University.

FSU is an actual college located in Frostburg, Maryland, that has expanded its MBA degree to include an online program, and it appears to run only about $14-15,000. That is about half of what I was going to pay at Kaplan! Not only that, but Frostburg seems to be a bit more choosy about who gets into their program; applicants have to have a certain GPA, have to have taken the GMAT, and/or can only be allowed in provisionally depending on certain factors (GRE scores, work history, recommendations, etc.). I like the idea that FSU is both more selective and more affordable than Kaplan, and I also like that it is primarily an actual campus rather than purely located online. I've already ordered my transcripts, completed my application, and filled out my FAFSA for 2010-11 and 2011-12. Now all we have to do is wait and see if I get in, and when I can get started. I can't wait!

Ugh.

Just got done with some drama, and boy is it draining. It's sometimes easy to forget, when you go through several days apart, just what it is you miss-- and don't miss-- about a person. Then, suddenly and without warning, it all becomes clear and you remember all of the reasons that you kept apart in the first place.

Anyway. Just a bit exhausted now. I have enough trouble keeping my emotions and temper in place without willingly inviting additional drama into my already unstable life. Next time, I'll opt out and go for some "me time" all by my lonesome instead.


Me Time

MSE, meet MBA

I've made a major decision. The past week has been pretty rough because our financial troubles don't seem to be lightening up at all, and things just in fact keep getting worse. My degree in Social Science, shockingly enough, doesn't seem to be of much use while job hunting during a recession. My experience, working for a decade in nonprofits and schools, is also worth a whole lot nothing out in the real world. I need something more solid, more business-oriented, more marketable in order to compete with the rest of the job-seekers and actually get hired. So, in order to do that, I've decided to continue my education and go for my MBA (Master of Business Administration), possibly with a concentration in Human Resources. It'll take 1 1/2 to 2 years to finish the program online with Kaplan University, but at least I know that at the end of that time I'll be a much more marketable job candidate. And it'll look good in my current job search, too, that I'm pursuing higher education in the business field. At least, I hope it will! I should know within the next few days whether or not I'm approved, and how much of a loan I can get. The only way I can actually do it is with a loan, so hopefully we get good news next week.

Bummed.

Sorry, haven't been posting this week because I'm pretty down lately. Not only did zero of the interviews result in a job offer, but then our washer AND dryer broke down completely on Wednesday, plus on Thursday I got a letter from the state saying that we owe another $905 from our 2009 taxes. We're already paying state and federal back taxes, and now have to add this huge amount on top of those. Really? We're hardly making any money at all, and still have to pay this huge amount of taxes.

Sigh.

It's just all so overwhelming right now. And the stress is turning me into a crazy person. I keep blowing up and losing my temper, and it gets so ugly that I can hardly stand being in the same room with myself. I really don't know how to get positive and believe that things will get better for us. I only have around five more checks from unemployment, meaning 2 and a half more months left of income. What in the world are we going to do? And what is this, some kind of karmic retribution or payback for bad things I did in a former life? I just want someone to save us. :(

And, three for three on the job front

Just heard back from the last of the three job possibilities, the one where I actually got called back to a second interview. They said (as usual, lately) "Thanks but no thanks, we chose somebody else." I was kind of expecting it, actually, seeing as how I hadn't heard anything in awhile from them, but there was still that little inkling of hope trying desperately to stay alive for the past couple of weeks. It's just so frustrating and disappointing. I wish I could ask these interview panels what I'm doing wrong or what isn't working for them, so that I could change it for the next one, but of course they won't say a word for fear of legal reprisals. I just need to know what I'm doing to mess up these opportunities so that I can stop doing it and get a stinkin' job offer. My federal extension on unemployment only lasts another month or two, and then what?? I was so hopeful that one of those three interviews would pan out; I was even thinking I might have to juggle job offers, but to not have even one? What a huge let-down.

Gotta stay positive, but man it's getting tough.

Train Set Artist

My little boy loves to work with tools, take things apart and put them back together again, and work the on/off switch like it's going out of style. Yes, I'm saying that he is definitely his father's son. A little while ago, we found a train table at a second-hand store for under $30 and bought it so that Ethan could play with his trains in his own room. He loved it! He especially loves that he can build and re-build his train sets over, and over, and over again. In the past few weeks, he's gone from this:


To this:


And then to this most recent incarnation:


But don't think it's staying like that, because he already started taking it apart again. Maybe he's going to be an architect or an engineer when he grows up, and he can build me a funky house to live out my golden years in-- something with hidden passages and secret rooms would be especially cool. Now, how to guide him on to that path...

Eat Your Beans!

Ethan has been starting to show signs of being a bit of a picky eater. This is not good news. It's actually quite annoying, when you get down to it. It isn't that he doesn't like vegetables, or doesn't like meat, or doesn't like one entire food group, either. It seems to be more of a texture issue, and possibly just the "newness" of a food item that is making him reluctant to try it. Sometimes, even something being new isn't a deterrent. He'll reach right out and grab a bite of food that he's never had before right off of my plate and shove it in his mouth without hesitation. Unfortunately, that only lasts two seconds, which is about how long it takes him to lean forward and let it fall out of his mouth.

He loves to eat things that are crisp or crunchy, so we've started to focus on snack type foods that are healthy and made from fruits or vegetables. So far he loves the Baked Snapea Crisps, veggie chips of any kind, and the fruit-flavored rice crisps...



They all seem fairly healthy, but I'd like to get him comfortable with trying regular, raw or cooked vegetables. You know, like green beans or corn or carrots. We're taking tips from books, the web, Super Nanny, and random strangers, so any suggestions are more than welcome!

A Friend's Pregnancy Loss

A former colleague from the junior high where I used to work just had the worst week of her life. She went in to her 38 week prenatal appointment with no fears whatsoever, and received the worst news any parent could ever wish to hear: Her baby boy, Alexander, didn't have a heartbeat. The umbilical cord had wrapped around his neck three times, and he passed away in utero. She was induced, and had to deliver the baby the next day, which meant that she had to go home that night with that horrendous news weighing on her mind.

The thing is, a bad end to her pregnancy was completely unexpected. They had a totally uneventful and stress-free pregnancy, with zero complications and zero problems; she never even got morning sickness or stretch marks, it was that easy. Then, right at the last minute, this horrible tragedy occurs... it was devastating just to find out about it, let alone imagine what she and her husband are going through right now. They had just posted these adorable photographs of the way they'd lovingly and creatively decorated the baby's room, too; now they get to go back to that same room empty-handed, and decide what to do with it. I've now been through this with a cousin, sibling, and a friend, plus myself (very early stage of course), and I can't imagine the people who deal with this sort of terrible news all the time-- counselors, social workers, grief or hospice aides, etc.-- how do they do it?

My heart is breaking all over again to know that yet another woman has lost her child, and before she even got a chance to know him; I'm hoping and praying that she and her husband find the strength and support they need to find a way through the grief, the pain, and all of the other emotions surrounding this tragedy.

My Husband... Happy (early) Love Day

This is the face that I see when I think of Valentine's Day, or romance in general...

Joel and I are coming up on our 4th anniversary next week, and the 6th year that we've known each other this summer, and it's been a pretty crazy journey so far. When we met, we both had good jobs and were on top of the world, so to speak; we could afford what we wanted and had no responsibilities other than ourselves. That first summer was amazing, full of adventures and road trips and random spontaneous acts of joy and exploration. A few months after we met, I bought the home I'd been living in, and a month or so after that, we moved in together... things seemed to be almost perfect, at that moment. How could anything possibly go wrong?



Two weeks after Joel moved in with me, his job laid him off, and two months after that, the housing market took what was the beginning of its fatal dive. The financial crunch had just begun, and we felt it immediately. Still, we thought things would pick back up soon and we could get back to focusing on our lives together instead of how to pay bills. Instead, our lives just became more and more defined by our financial crisis. As our money issues increased, though, so did our affection for each other and our determination to make it through. The bright note that year was our engagement, and we followed it up with a small elopement witnessed by only a few friends the next February. Unfortunately, we followed that up by declaring bankruptcy and surrendering our home to the bank. It was a very tough time, finally admitting to the world and to ourselves that we were in way over our heads... but it was necessary. Things were a bit easier emotionally after that, because we didn't have the massive debt hanging over us anymore, and we moved into a rental home that would allow us to start trying for a family. We're both getting older, and didn't want to start our childrearing at age 45 or something. My favorite memory of that year was when Joel surprised me with a trip to San Francisco just before my birthday, and we saw "Monsoon Wedding" in a funky theater. It was very romantic, and definitely needed.



Again, though, life wasn't quite done teaching us some lesson or other. We enjoyed a mostly uneventful pregnancy until the last month, when we started experiencing some serious problems. There was daily bleeding, and days when we felt the baby wasn't moving, early contractions, and multiple visits to the birthing center. The day he was born via emergency c-section, I went through the worst fears of my life... trying to stay positive about your baby's chances while simultaneously hemorrhaging is a difficult task, and I definitely struggled to keep from bursting into tears every minute. But guess what? We made it through that with no major complications, and welcomed our darling boy into the world. Just a few months after that, I was laid off from my job, and then not two months later, Joel was laid off from his. Yet another challenge, but how could we even think about that, when we had a little one to focus on... or sometimes, less focusing and more just exhausted sleep was going on.



After the initial sleeplessness and bizarre rituals of introducing a newborn into your household were established, we started to realize just how much parenthood changes a marriage. It changes every way you relate to each other, or at least it should... we struggled with learning how to stay connected to each other while building a connection to this new little person, and I think it's going to be a lifelong learning process. But it has been worth it; every time I look at my son's face, I know it was worth everything.



And this brings us back to my husband... we've been through some very lean years together. Very, very lean. And those times aren't over yet. We're still in the midst of a major financial crisis, and yet somehow we are sticking together through all of the stress and worry and humiliation of asking for yet another loan or more support from family. I'm really looking forward to getting on our feet again sometime soon... not only because it'll be a relief to finally stop worrying about whether or not we're paying rent next month, but also because I want to see how this changes our relationship yet again. If we've survived these hard times, then how much better will it be when we're not struggling financially anymore? I can't wait to find out...

Two No's and a Who Knows...

So far, two of the three jobs I interviewed for in the past couple of weeks have turned out to be a big "Thanks, but no thanks"-- and there's only one left that I still haven't heard back from yet. I know it's only Tuesday, and there's still hope, but I'm trying not to think that it isn't looking good that it's taking this long. Guess it's back to the job hunt, again.

Day Care

We just got back from visiting what we hope will become Ethan's day care center, once I've received a job offer. Notice how I'm assuming I'll be offered a job? Anyway, we were referred to this home day care by a friend of ours whose 13-year-old daughter went there as a child, and whose 2-year-old boy is currently there. The house is just lovely, and perfectly set up for little ones, with tables and chairs and cubbies galore. There are four other little boys there, all around the same age-- one is 2 1/2, one is turning 2 in March, and the other two are turning 2 in April.

When we got there, we set Ethan down and hoped for the best... and he immediately walked over to the play area and started interacting with the other kids. It was so awesome! It made me so happy to see him playing well with the boys, and being very careful with the toys and furniture, and even helping to pick up the chair when it fell over. I really hope that I hear back from one of the jobs soon with some positive news, so that I can get him into this day care; he would absolutely love it.

Daddy Time

Recently we took Ethan to the park, and he was able to get some play time with his daddy. One of the major accomplishments this time was getting him to go down the slide, which he hasn't done since he injured his leg several months ago.



He did it, and didn't get hurt this time, and now it looks like all fear is gone!



Why does that make me happy and a little nervous at the same time?

Conflicted...

I'm really torn right now. In the past week I've interviewed for three very different jobs, with three different work schedules and very different pay scales. The first job is a Human Resources position in Stockton, the hours are from 6-3, and it pays about $18/hr. That would give me, if I'm doing my calculations correctly, just about enough to pay our bills without Joel having to work full-time while he's going to school full-time. The second job is an administrative assistant position and starts at $16, but I would try to negotiate up to $18 (their maximum starting pay for outside applicants) if I were offered the job. The hours on that one are from 8-5 p.m., and it's here in Modesto. Both of those jobs are different from what I was doing before because they are office-based and have none of the social work type duties that were making me feel so drained at my previous job.

The third job opportunity is the one that is causing me the most internal conflict. It pays the most ($42,000/year), has the least work days (187 days, as opposed to around 245 with a regular job), and is the one I'm most familiar with in terms of job duties. However, during the interview I found out that it also has the worst hours-- I'm expected to be at work from 9:30 to 6:30/7:00 every day, plus some early mornings every month for different school site meetings and late nights every month for school events, not to mention those days that students' parents are late picking them up, and so on. In the first place, day care closes at 6:30, which means I would have to make special arrangements to be there late every day. Then, Joel is in Stockton every day from 5:00 on, so if I'm going to be even later, or if there's an emergency, there is nobody around to pick up Ethan from day care. Add to that the fact that Ethan typically goes to bed at around 7:45/8:00, and it turns into a week where I only see my son for about an hour a day until the weekend. They also have the worst benefits package, which takes a huge chunk out of your paycheck every month; there's no way I could even add Ethan on to my insurance, for instance, and Joel would be out of luck for health benefits. I just don't know how that job would work out, considering everything, and it's really causing me some serious turmoil just thinking about it.



I wish I didn't have to be the only income here, and the whole conflict would be moot. If we had two incomes, I wouldn't have to sacrifice pretty much all of my weekday time with my child just to bring in enough to pay our bills by myself. I wish that we could have figured out a few years ago what we needed to do to get on track, and then pursued that before Ethan came along, so that we could have had everything where we need it to be career-wise and financially by now. I really hope with all my heart that I receive a job offer from one of the first two companies, so that I won't need to even worry about the third one any more. But, today has begun with blue skies and brightness, so I'm going to shelve my worries for a few hours and take my son out into the world, spend time with him, and enjoy our last few days at home together before I re-enter the workforce. Time to go hold on to him and squeeze out some giggles.

Blog Collage, Wine & Fromage

Thank you to my aunt Kathy for the link to Tagxedo, where you can take words from a website (or any text source, including their own suggestions) and use them to create an image of your choice, either from a file you upload or from their library of shapes. The words are sized by frequency, so the more often it appears in your text, the larger it will appear in the shape. Hmmm, do you think I maybe write about my son a lot?



I really like the results, and there are so many options that you could play around with this forever. Kind of a neat idea to use for perhaps designing the mat surrounding a photo in order to give as a gift (as in, give a picture of a child with words describing the child framing their face on the mat), or even for making fun, personalized placemats for a dinner party, and so on. I could get all sorts of creative ideas from this site; now, putting those ideas into action is a whole other story-- one that requires serious amounts of wine and cheese to even begin contemplating.

Motivated, and It Feels So Good

Just finished with Interview #3, for company #2, and it felt pretty good. In fact, it felt great, especially because I finally (!) got to use my portfolio and share my previous projects with the interview panel. I bring it every time, but for some reason-- probably because the interviews are so tightly scheduled and there is hardly time to breathe after the questions are all done-- I have never really used it. This time, I actually pulled out examples from my portfolio and passed them around the table when they were pertinent to the question asked. For example, one question had to do with scheduling and coordinating a large-scale conference. I flipped through my binder and withdrew a couple of pages (I had them inside clear page protectors): one that helped to show how I organized the vendor list, one that was a "schedule of events," and one that was a flyer in English/Spanish. The panel was very impressed, particularly by my method of using color and my organizing skills.

At the end of the interview, I mentioned that I had brought the portfolio with additional examples of my skills, and they asked if they could pass it around the table. One member went out of her way to speak up about a flowchart I had created, saying that she really liked how I had designed the chart with color, a legend to explain various symbols, and a clear and concise way of describing the referral process in a visual manner. It was so nice to get that feedback! And now that I've done it once, I'm confident that I can bring out my portfolio again during the next interview... which is tomorrow morning. Can't wait to see what they say!

2nd Interview... plus?

The second interview for the HR position went well... in fact, as I was being escorted to the next room for the skills test, the interviewer who was walking with me leaned in and whispered "Great job, you did great" and smiled at me. What a confidence boost! Then I went in to take the two-part skills test, and as I was getting started on the first section, the other candidate was finishing up hers-- very poorly. I felt a little bad for her, because the HR staff person came in just as the other candidate was starting a flurry of typing and said "Time's up!" in this cheerful voice, to which the woman replied "Oh, I was just starting to get the hang of it!" Oops. As I worked on mine, I realized that she didn't actually understand the assignment, because no typing was required; you could do it all (and in order to finish in time, you really *had* to) using cut and paste. Oops, is right... but that was another confidence booster, for sure.

The other thing that's boosting my confidence is that this afternoon, before heading off to the interview, I got a phone call from a school district that wants me to come in for an interview on Tuesday. That means I'll have interviewed with three different companies in the span of one week... which increases the odds of my getting at least one job offer by quite a bit, right? I'm pretty happy about it. The first company (that I already interviewed for twice) is actually having one more interview before they make a decision. The other two companies usually make their choice that same day and then make the job offer the next day or shortly thereafter. So, if it all works out well, I should be getting an offer of employment from at least *one* of these places by next Friday. Looks like this year is going to be the one!

Interviews Galore!

So, I went to an interview on Tuesday for a position in Stockton... it was the first time in my life that I've been invited to attend a "speed interview." Yes, it's almost exactly what it sounds like; speed dating format, interview setting. I thought that it would be extremely awkward, but it ended up being a process I really enjoyed. The strangeness comes into play when you realize that you are going to get about a 3-minute interaction time with each interview panel member. It feels odd somehow to move from station to station, answering a question as succinctly and thoroughly as possible and then moving on to the next person in line. But when you think about it, it's actually more one-on-one time than you get in a panel interview, where you sit across the table from a committee of five to ten (or more, in some cases) interviewers. At least in this speed interviewing scenario, you get time to personally connect with every interviewer, and so you get to make an impression-- good or bad-- with each one, face to face, instead of across a huge conference table.

Anyway, must have done well, because later that afternoon they called me back for Round 2! My second interview is on Friday afternoon. They'll be doing a regular panel interview, followed by a skills test. I guess the universe heard I was trying to get a job, because on the same day (Tuesday) that I went to the Round 1 interview and got a call-back, I also got a call from another job opportunity; they want me to interview on Monday morning! Isn't that crazy? I think the time has finally come... the world is ready for me to be back in the office. At least I hope so!

Job Possibility...

Now that we're nearing the end of our rope, I think I may have stumbled across a legitimate job opportunity. I don't want to say too much, because I have this ridiculous idea of possibly jinxing myself, but let's just say that it might work out. And it might work out to the tune of still getting part of the summer off, too...

So, enough of that! I'll definitely keep you updated. As to the other jobs, I've so far heard back from two more in the negatory, so we'll just keep on truckin' until we get some good news. And I tell you this: I hope it happens soon, because times are getting pretty tight around here!

Good job news! For someone else...

My sister got a job! She left her very well-paying job with a local utilities company in 2009, when her husband was transferred to a US military facility in Kansas. Unfortunately, not long after packing up and moving out there, things fell apart, and their relationship ended. Since then, she has been looking for work and looking to pick her life back up, and it has been quite a struggle. She moved back to Modesto to live with my parents in April of 2010, and it was great for all of us to get the chance to rebuild a relationship that had been pretty severely damaged for some time. She recently got a call from a former co-worker, who asked, with tentative hope and a bit of wariness, whether or not my sister was currently employed or interested in coming back to work for the company. It was a second chance-- and she jumped at it.

It's taken a few weeks to get it all settled, but last night she was officially offered a job with the company. The wonderful thing is that she will actually be in a better position this time, because she'll be working in a different group and with two people she truly respects and enjoys being around (when she left, the job was actually a big stress factor because she was in a group that was pretty hostile and unhappy). And the best part? Her salary is right back up where it was when she left. We're truly so happy for her; it's an amazing thing when life decides that it's time you were given a second chance to do the right thing and make better choices. I hope our time is on the way, too!

Budget Superhero(ine)

I found what may end up being my next big purchase next month. The proceeds all go to the Make A Wish Foundation, but the benefits are all for me-- an excellent and useful budgeting analysis tool that can help me get my financial crisis under control and get our family on track to seeing some of our goals in life actually come true.

The budgeting tool was developed by the owner of the Fabulously Broke blog. I found her website by chance the other day, and I think I might have a slight crush on her already. Mostly because she is ten years younger than me but already making her dreams and goals become a reality because she is taking control of her spending and really thinking deeply about what is important to her in life; another pair of shoes, or a secure retirement? A night out on the town or a significant savings account? Well, in her case, she decided that it's okay to have both, and you can-- as long as you are managing your expenses and income with a lot of forethought and planning.

Can't wait to jump on the Fabulously Broke Bandwagon!

Taxes, Shmaxes

Just got my Form 1099-G listing my unemployment income from the EDD, so I guess all we have to do now is get Joel's tax information together and then we're ready to hit up our favorite H&R tax lady and get it done. This is especially good timing because we just got a notice in the mail from the IRS stating that they appreciate our correspondence from March 2008 and believe that we never filed our 2006 tax return. This is strange because I happen to have a copy of that return in my hot little hands as we speak. It's also strange because the state just recently contacted me saying that I never actually filed our 2008 tax return, although they acknowledge that we did file our 2007 & 2009-- even though all three tax years were mailed in the same envelope because H&R submitted amendments for 2007 & 2008 when we filed our 2009 taxes. So how can they have received two out of the three forms, when we sent them everything in one big packet?? This is beginning to feel like a bigger scam than it already is. :(

Nursemaid's Elbow

Or in other words, a dislocated elbow joint. According to the doctor we saw this morning, they called it "Nursemaid's Elbow" originally because children would get this injury when their nursemaid's yanked on their arms to pull them along. In fact, it's the most common childhood orthopedic complaint, and happens all the time with children usually between the ages of two and five years old. Part of the reason it's so easy to injure the elbow area on a young child is because of the way their bodies are growing and changing. As they get older, the ligament strengthens, so it's very uncommon to have a partial dislocation of the elbow after age five.

In any case, it's easily treatable and our doctor was able to manipulate Ethan's arm back into place in just moments. Within half an hour, he was moving his arm around without crying out. Within an hour, he was climbing all over the house like our favorite little monkey. It happened yesterday evening when we were all walking together, hand in hand; usually, we swing him together while we're walking, and that's a very typical way to get this injury. This time, I had actually just let go of his right hand when he sort of dropped his body to the ground, as if he was expecting to have us lift him up. That sudden movement was all it took. So our poor boy suffered through the night with his owie, calling for mom every few minutes, and this morning we took him in to get fixed up. Now, he keeps saying "all better" and even "thanks, doctor!" while he scoots and jumps and clambers around the place. That's my boy. ;)

Potty Training, Part 2

I think we're going to go ahead and start trying again on the potty training. Probably at the end of this week, after brushing up on the techniques again, so that we can be ready to give it a good try this weekend. It just keeps getting more and more expensive to buy diapers, plus I'd love for him to be at least on the potty training path when I have to go back to work. If we've at least given him the basics and he is starting to learn how to head to the bathroom when it's time, I'll feel like we've accomplished something. Time to put this "stay-at-home-mother" thing to its best use and get this potty show on the road!

Shower Time

First of all, let me just say this: Showers are awesome! My new favorites are the walk-in or walk-through showers, like these below...


The other day, I was getting ready to take a shower and invited Ethan in, as usual, to join me. He usually just plays in the water while I shampoo and so on, and then I wash his hair and body afterwards. We use it as a time to practice naming body parts, too, although he doesn't always want to play "This is my knee!" or practice using the soap; he'd rather just pour water in and out of his toy bucket instead. Anyhow, the other day I was preparing for our shower time when my husband walked in the room. Ethan leapt into his dad's arms and turned back around to me, pointing at me and saying "Hmm!" in a very peremptory manner.


Not sure what he meant, I assumed he wanted me to come over to him and his dad for a group hug. Nope! He pushed me away as I got closer and thrust out his finger again, pointing at me with the sort of mute meaning and determination that only a toddler can display. I asked him, "Do you want mommy?" And he shook his head immediately, pointing repeatedly at me. I think he finally understood that I was confused, because he pointed at me, then pointed at his shirt and pulled at it, and then went back to pointing in my direction again. Aha! I pulled at my shirt and asked him, "Do you want mommy to take off her shirt?" A huge smile of relief crossed his face and he said "Mm-hmm!"


He kept pointing until I had taken off every item of clothing. Yes, that's right, my son was directing me to strip. After I finished, he pulled the door closed and left with his dad... allowing me that rarest of luxuries, a shower all to myself. I guess it would have been a lot simpler for him to just say "No" when I asked if he wanted to go take a shower, but this way was much more fun-- and I can't wait to bust out this story when he gets older! No, no, just kidding; or am I?